iLove

Chapter 16

MEG216: Dash I'm freaking out.
DASH109: Why are you freaking out?
MEG216: Because...I'm about to take a huge step forward in my career.
DASH109: Congratulations! But why are you freaking out?
MEG216: Because...what if I screw up! I'm totally going to screw up.
DASH109: You're not going to screw up Meg.
MEG216: No but I'm going to be sick..
DASH109: Don't get sick.. Take deep breaths. Think about something else.
MEG216: I can't.. I have to stay focused, so that I don't screw up, which I am but at least I know I tried not to screw up before I screw up.
DASH109: Ok you really are freaking out, you're rambling. Tell me something random.
MEG216: I'm thinking about getting roommates.
DASH109: Roommates? Really.. Why?
MEG216: I have a huge house that I inherited from my grandparents before they died. And I'm never home, so I figured some roommates would be nice...for the house.
DASH109: Maybe, you just didn't strike me as the roommate kind of girl.
MEG216: I would be very picky.. Like no one I work with. I spend enough time with them already, I don't want to live with them.
DASH109: So you would never consider living with anyone you worked with?
MEG216: Definitely not.
DASH109: You know sometimes it's nice to live with people you work with, they understand you the most.
MEG216: Maybe you have a point....crap I gotta go, I'm really starting to freak out.

Derek was rounding the corner heading towards the OR when he lost her and hurried up his pace, he burst into the scrub room to see her hunched over the sink looking about as pale and gray as it was.

"Are you alright?" he asked "You look like you're going to be sick."

"I'm just..." she gulped "nervous."

"Nervous over what?" he chuckled lightly

"Surgery." she said "It's my first time. What if I screw up."

"You're not going to screw up." he scoffed "For one, you aren't performing the surgery, you'll be assisting and learning. And two, there's a reason you're here.. You earned it, you won't screw up."

"I know." she breathed heavily "I just.. I can't get a grip. I think I might need to go lay down."

Derek sighed and walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders and held onto them steadily as he stared into her wide frightened and beautiful eyes, just then noticing what a beautiful color green they held, like a tropical pool in the middle of an exotic island with a majestic waterfall causing soft ripples throughout it.

"Meredith." he breathed "You are smart, you are confident, and you are going to do this. Forget about everything else, just focus on the surgery, focus on the patient, focus on me. You won't screw up, you'll do excellently and you'll finally have something to be proud of, you'll finally have something to boast about."

"You're right." she whispered "You're right, it'll be ok."

They stood there for seconds that seemed like hours, staring into the depths of each other's eyes, feeling each other's breaths beating against their cheeks. Derek's hands seemed to feel form fitted to her tiny shoulders, as if the shape of them were made for his hands. He wondered if every contour of her tiny body were that way and a part of him craved to find that out.

"Meredith." he breathed in just above a whisper.

"What?" she whispered back. Unable to make herself break the stare, and noticing that his body seemed to be slowly leaning closer into hers.

"I haven't been this close to a woman in a long time." he confessed "I don't know..." he trailed off as he felt the craving of her skin against his and her scent causing an almost uncontrollable urge to fulfill that.

She saw it coming, and knew what would happen in a matter of seconds. A dark part of her mind toyed with the thought and entertained it well, she almost wanted to believe that she wanted it too but suddenly her mind was filled with the nervous surgery jitters and Dash's comforting words, she dropped her head and turned away from him just before his lips were about to crash against hers.

"I cant." she whispered remorsefully.

"Sorry." he gasped when he realized what he'd almost done.

"I am...I'm." she stuttered nervously before turning away from him and walking towards the OR "I'm going to go in now."

"Alright." he nodded and watched her slip into the OR. As soon as the door shut he curse himself "God! How can you be so stupid!"

He scrubbed in quickly and proceeded to walk into the OR, the nurses helped fit him into the sterile garb and he nodded to the anesthesiologist to put the patient under.

"Do you think she'll be here?" Meredith asked.

"Who?" he asked, although he already knew the answer.

"My mother."

"Is that why you're nervous?" he asked, she just looked at him blankly "You're not going to know anyway."

"How is that?"

"Because you're not going to be looking at the gallery, you'll be focusing on the surgery, not who happens to be watching it."

"You're right." she said but found herself glancing up at the glass room above anyway.

"Meredith." Derek sighed "Stop looking in the gallery."

"Right...sorry."

Meredith watched Derek intuitively throughout the entire surgery, she'd forgotten about the gallery all together. After a successful surgery she followed him out of the OR to the scrub room.

"Did I do ok?" she asked as they approached the sink.

"You did better than ok." he said "You did excellent."

"Really?"

"You came up with a diagnosis before anyone else ever thought about it. And you answered all the right questions in there accurately. I've never seen an intern do that before Meredith." he smiled softly "I'd say that excellence is very becoming of you."

"Wow." she mumbled "I think that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Well you deserve it." he smiled at her, she returned the long smiling stare. "What do you say we go celebrate later?"

"Celebrate?" she gulped.

"Yeah, like go get some drinks."

"You mean like kind of a date?" she gulped again "Derek I don't know."

"It could be casual, and we could go somewhere unseen." he grinned "it would be our little secret."

"Derek I can't." she breathed.

"Because of Dash?" he asked. She stared at him blankly "What if he's not what you want, what if he's not what you expect?"

"I have to at least try." she gulped "I have to at least give him the chance."

"Alright." he sighed "I can respect that."

"I'm flattered," she blushed "please don't take it the wrong way."

"I know," he said half smiling "he's just the lucky bastard that got to you first."

She giggled a little and the door suddenly flew open, she straightened out her face instantly and Derek's angry face returned quickly.

"You're lucky Grey." he barked "Keep up this luck and you might manage to make it through this program with a reputation to be proud of!"

He turned and stormed out of the room, leaving Meredith to face her mother. She seemed happy to have witnessed Derek's fake lashing out at her.

"He's right you know."

"You know." Meredith mumbled "Luck is only when preparation meets opportunity."

"You think we're being too hard on you?" Ellis muttered "You have it easy compared to me! I was the only woman in my year, people laughed at me when I told them I wanted to be a surgeon!"

"Well thanks for paving that road mother, but the times have changed."

"Not enough!" she glared.

"You know this is a teaching hospital right?" Meredith muttered "You can't just kick me out of an OR that I earned my way into because you don't want to teach me."

"You'll enter my OR when I say so." Ellis growled "That is the first thing you need to learn!"

"Fine." Meredith muttered.

She stormed out, brushing past her mother and scuffled quickly down the hallway with tears of frustration burning her eyes. She sniffled as she got into the stairwell and felt like she needed Dash's company, but felt that only getting it online just wasn't enough anymore.

MEG216: Dash...can we meet?
DASH109: I thought you weren't ready to meet?
MEG216: I am now, I changed my mind.
DASH109: Are you sure?
MEG216: Yeah, I really want to. I need to see you.
DASH109: You won't regret it?
MEG216: I'm positive I won't.
DASH109: Ok...when? Where?
MEG216: Tonight. There's a hill northwest across from the boarding dock to the ferry boats. There's a grass trail that leads to the top where a large oak tree is. Meet me there at eight o'clock.
DASH109: I'll be there.

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