iLove

Chapter 22

Derek's eyes fluttered open and he gasped a little, almost afraid that he's just dreamed it all. It was dark in the trailer, the only light coming from the moon shining through the windows. He looked over and saw Meredith laying next to him, naked and tangled in the sheets of his bed. A mixture of emotions hit him all at once... lust, hunger for more, passion, guilt, sadness, anger at himself. He slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, he crouched over his naked lap and rested his elbows on his knees as he ran his hand over his tired face and through his hair.

There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted Meredith more than anything in the world, more than he'd ever wanted anything before. But at the same time that came with conditions, and those conditions were most costly to her. The last thing he wanted to do was make her life any harder than it already was, to make her hurt would only hurt him, it would kill him. He glanced over his shoulder and his eyes scanned over her skin, that his sheets scantily hung around, glowing in the moonlight. Her naked chest and exposed breasts, which were such a perfect form and shape, rose and fell with each sweet breath that she took.

Acting on his human desires and weaknesses he reached out and trailed his fingers gently up her bare thigh, running it up and over her hip and the smooth perfectly shaped curves of her stomach. He gulped, feeling a tightness grow in his chest and lifted his fingers away from her. He let out a long silent breath as he squinted and tried to think of the possibilities of making this work, of making this happen again.

"Your lips can pick up where your fingers left off." he heard mumbled through the dark room.

His lips curved up into a smile when he saw her eyes slit open. He leaned over her and placed his lips tenderly against her shoulder and kissed every inch of skin until he reached her collar bone. She moved onto her back, opening herself up to him, exposing as much of herself as she could. He took it urgently as his lips made their way towards her breasts. He took her full smooth breast into his hand and lowered his lips down to take her nipple into his waiting mouth when she reached up and pushed him back.

"Stop." she whispered, he frowned as he pulled himself away from her and looked to see a troubled expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" he asked "I thought you wanted me to."

"I do." she whispered "But you look like you're in pain. I don't want you to if you're not enjoying it."

"I am." he said deeply and then cleared his throat "Believe me, I am enjoying this very much Meredith."

"Then why do you look like you're only half here?"

He stared at her in disbelief, unable to comprehend how she read him so easily, as if she could see right through him, and in a dark room where he could barely make out her shape. He contemplated pressing himself against her, and kissing her so desperately that she forgot her own name and the subject as well. But if this was ever going to be what he wanted it to be, he had to confess everything.

"I'm sorry." he whispered with a sigh. "I just want this to work."

"I don't see why it won't?"

"I know it will it's just..." he sighed.

"Oh." she mumbled "You're worried about my mother."

"Yes."

"She's getting to you." Meredith said "She has ways."

"Yes, she does." Derek confessed "How did you deal with it for so long?"

"Easy." she shrugged "I just said fuck her, I'm doing what I want."

"That's my instinctive reaction." Derek said "But what if you get hurt...I can take on a firing line but if this hurts you..."

"Derek." she cut him off with a clear calm voice, he looked at her through the dark, her eyes shimmering through the moonlit room "If you worry yourself to death about this, and stop this before it even starts because you're worried about what my mother may or may not do you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."

"You're right." he choked.

"My mother may think she's god, but she only controls where my job future is at Seattle Grace. The plan is that she isn't to find out, and granted we need to be a lot more careful at work. But if she does find out then so the fuck what...I go to another hospital, I go as far as I can from her where I can grow outside of her shadow. If she finds out and freaks...it's not the end of the world. Just the end of Seattle Grace, there are plenty of hospitals out there who would be glad to take me."

"They would be lucky to." he said softly "And you're right, you are so, so right."

"I know I am." she snubbed "So are you done worrying?"

"Yes."

"Then get your naked ass over here, I want some more of you."

Derek grinned just before basically lurching himself onto her and kissing her so deeply that both of them forgot there was a world around them.

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