Beautiful (Between a rock and a hard place 2)

Chapter 18

Once the meal was finished and Wei Ying ate the last mouthful, Lan Wangji put the bowl down and arranged his hands in his lap. Suddenly, he did not know what to do next. He should explain things to Wei Ying and have his beloved agree to stay in the Jingshi together with him but the way the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple was looking at him with something akin to sadness and guilt, he could not find his words.

He sat there in an awkward silence, his mind suggested numerous ways how to start a conversation with Wei Ying but his lips remained sealed. His beloved watched him intently and it made everything even harder. Lan Wangji suddenly could not take it anymore, he needed something to busy himself with so he could think in peace.

He started getting up and froze in place when Wei Ying was the first one to speak: "Lan Zhan, could you..."

"No!"

Lan Wangji found himself interrupting his beloved. He knew what words would Wei Ying like to say but he certainly did not want to hear them from his mouth. He would feel even worse then because he would have to refuse to heed to the request; Lan Wangji just could not let Wei Ying free, his beloved would then disappear out of his sight and the Second Jade would never be able to keep him safe and more importantly away from Jiang Wanyin.

Luckily, Wei Ying said no more after his strong statement and Lan Wangji was glad for that. It was breaking his heart already to deny Wei Ying anything, much less his freedom, but it just could not be helped. The small part of him which wanted to keep Wei Ying tied up because he looked impossibly pretty this way was quickly silenced when he started reciting the Gusu Lan sect rules in his mind.

He went to sit by his guqin, remembering that he had promised Lan Xichen he would be playing for his beloved. He played the first piece, his finger moving automatically to allow his mind to settle.

When the song was finished, he paused for a second to position his fingers above the right strings to start the next one – that special one he had composed just for his beloved – and Wei Ying used this opportunity to beg again: "Lan Zhan, please..."

"No!" repeated Lan Wangji and this time, he was actually getting annoyed. What did Wei Ying not understand in his clear reply?

He ignored his beloved and continued playing. Luckily, the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple did not try to sway him again and he was able to gather his mind. He decided to play one last song as he was picking his words to explain so his beloved would understand.

He had not realized that it had been so late already when the evening bells informed everyone that the curfew was upon them. He immediately let go of the strings and stood up. He had to prepare for bed quickly lest he wanted to have one of the patrolling disciples knock on his door because the lights would still be on after the curfew. He could not let anyone near the Jingshi, he would never be able to tell who wanted Wei Ying any harm. Better to not let anyone anywhere near his beloved at all.

He took off his outer robe and blew off all the candles. He stood in the middle of the room for a good minute, debating with himself where he should sleep now that he had Wei Ying in his bed. It would surely be very inappropriate to share the bed with anyone. Or would it? Lan Wangji suddenly thought that he should not be ashamed and should instead be happy that he would finally get to sleep together with his beloved.

After all, it had been Wei Ying who had suggested doing something even more. Yes, it had been the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple who had brought a porn book to him and asked that they make love together. After that, who could say that Lan Wangji should feel ashamed of only laying down and sleeping next to the boy who he loved? He would of course not do anything, he wanted to give Wei Ying some more time to heal and to process and get over what had been done to him by Jiang Wanyin.

His dilemma resolved, Lan Wangji did not hesitate anymore and headed towards the bed. He had tied Wei Ying in a way that the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple was laying in the middle of it so there was not much space for him. But they would make do, the bed was big enough for two people at least, three if they did not mind touching each other. And Lan Wangji surely did not mind touching his beloved. Certainly not, he even lusted after that when he could not do anything more.

He laid down next to Wei Ying. He felt their shoulders touching. He was now glad that his inner robe was thin enough for him to be able to feel his beloved's warmth on his skin. Unfortunately, he could also tell that Wei Ying had frozen next to him, barely breathing at this point. Lan Wangji was wondering whether the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple was uncomfortable to have him this close or if on the contrary, he wanted them to get even more intimate.

"Lan Zhan..." came a small and hesitant voice.

Although Lan Wangji wanted nothing more at this moment than to turn to his side and start touching Wei Ying all over, he knew he should not, at least not tonight. They both needed some sleep. If his beloved would feel up to it tomorrow, maybe then he could give in to his own desires.

"Wei Ying, sleep," he reprimanded while perfectly controlling his voice.

"But Lan Zhan..." whined his beloved.

"Silence, sleep." Lan Wangji was not sure he would be able to resist his already growing lust and to keep his self-restraint intact if he heard even more of Wei Ying's voice. He was already reaching a breaking point and his beloved was not helping in the slightest. Although he normally liked hearing the Yunmeng Jiang sect head disciple talk, today, he was more annoyed than anything else.

"I..."

Tried Wei Ying again and Lan Wangji had had just about enough. He casted a silencing spell. Wei Ying did not move a muscle after that. Had he perhaps already fallen asleep? The silence which followed was uncomfortable but it was still better than if he would lose his self-restraint and attack Wei Ying while the other was defenceless and had not given him consent. If he did, he would be no different from Jiang Wanyin.

That single thought terrified him more than he would care to admit. He already found his desires a little out of place, at least he had never heard anyone behave in this way. But then again, perhaps it was just not something that people talked about out in the open, outside of the walls of their bedroom. Perhaps the strong urges to protect Wei Ying, to admire him and to make love to him were perfectly normal.

Reassured by his own thoughts, he finally closed his own eyes and drifted to dreamland where he could finally give in and have his beautiful Wei Ying only to himself in all the ways he wanted.