Beautiful (Between a rock and a hard place 2)

Chapter 19

Lan Wangji woke up at the usual hour. He felt refreshed and ready for the day. He had been with Wei Ying in his dreams and now he could feel his beloved's body pressed against his own. He must have shifted in his sleep because he did not remember falling asleep on his side with one of his hands protectively thrown over Wei Ying's chest.

He felt great like this, as if this was the only position he ever wanted to be laying in. He hugged his beloved a little tighter.

He let go the next second however as he remembered his promise from last night. He would not touch Wei Ying without his consent. He did not want to become a next Jiang Wanyin to his beloved. He wanted their love to be mutual and for them both to enjoy the physical affections it was bringing them.

He sighed internally. He wanted to stay in bed like this for a while longer but the day was already starting and he had to go secure breakfast for them before it would no longer be possible. The dining hall would be cleaned and the kitchen staff would be preparing things for lunch, too busy to care about a disciple who had come late. Even if he was the second young master of the Gusu Lan sect. The rules applied to everyone.

When he was putting on his outer robe, he noticed that Wei Ying was also awake and that he was shooting him pleading looks. There was something in his eyes which was making Lan Wangji uneasy yet again. However, his yesterday's resolution stood strong. He had to keep his beloved by his side by any means necessary. And if that meant to not let him free, so be it.

Despite his best conscience, Lan Wangji felt secret satisfaction invade his whole heart. He liked the idea of taking care of Wei Ying's every need, to pamper him and to never let him be hurt again.

He could still feel his beloved's eyes on his back as he was leaving the Jingshi. It was good that Wei Ying had stayed silent this morning, his yesterday's warnings must have helped a lot in this field. Lan Wangji knew he would not be able to keep denying Wei Ying so it was better if he never asked to be freed in the first place. At least in that way, the Second Jade could pretend he did not notice how much his beloved wanted the restraints to be taken off of him.

He actually felt a little ashamed of his behaviour. But it really could not be helped. He had to protect Wei Ying, he had to keep him safe and away from anyone who would want to hurt him. He had to keep him to himself for he was the only one who he believed could take care of his beloved.

He picked up the breakfast undisturbed and hurried back to the Jingshi. Just like yesterday, there was the same feeling of uncertainty and dread that he would not find Wei Ying where he had left him. It had however lessened a bit by the fact that he had already made sure that his beloved would not go out on his own the day before. It would be fine, Wei Ying was waiting for him and he would smile at him and thank him for bringing their meal.

When Lan Wangji opened the door however, there was no cheerful voice welcoming him back. There was no smile for him either. Wei Ying just laid in the bed very still, his head turned away, not looking anywhere in the general direction of the Second Jade, and his cheeks bright red. Lan Wangji did not understand what was happening. Especially after his beloved had been alright this morning, surely Wei Ying was not running a fever?

It was then that he noticed a foul smell in the air. And he immediately knew just what had happened. There was wetness on Wei Ying's stomach and on the sheets. His beloved had wet himself because of being tied up and not being allowed to go to the bathroom. Lan Wangji regretted not letting him speak to him at all. Surely he had just been asking to be freed to be able to relief himself earlier when he had been pleading him with his eyes so desperately.

But why would Wei Ying not tell him? Lan Wangji had dedicated himself to serve his every need, it was shameful he had forgotten about this basic one, but still, Wei Ying could have reminded him. And then the Second Jade realized that he had shut down his beloved both yesterday and today so many times – he had even used the secret Gusu Lan sect's technique of silencing spell on him! – that Wei Ying perhaps thought that he would not listen to him in this either. It was heart-breaking and Lan Wangji had no one else to blame for the lost trust than himself.

He went inside and put the tray with food down on the table. He was making sure that he would not glance a single time at his beloved. Wei Ying was clearly very ashamed of the act even thought it was not his fault in the first place. Lan Wangji did not want to add to his embarrassment any more than strictly necessary. He would have to apologize too. And be more careful and attentive from now on as well.

He turned around and went out of the Jingshi. He had to prepare a bath so Wei Ying could properly clean himself. He could not request the preparation to be done by any servants as he simply could not let anyone see his beloved in such a state. And so he prepared everything inside the Jingshi in no time. He even added a heating talisman to the food so they would have a warm breakfast afterwards.

Once the bath was ready, he finally went to the bed and reached for one of the restraints, ready to untie it. His hands however stopped in the middle of the motion when he heard a barely audible whisper: "Sorry..."

It broke his heart all over again. Wei Ying should not be apologizing for something which was clearly Lan Wangji's fault. He felt tears gather in his eyes and he was angry at himself for letting this happen. And to make everything hurt even more, Wei Ying had not looked at him at all this whole time.

"Not your fault. I am sorry."

Lan Wangji apologized but it was just a very poor attempt on his side. He knew this kind of negligence could not be forgiven this easily. He had promised himself to take care of Wei Ying's every need but he had already failed miserably. His chest felt tight and he was fighting to not let a sob he was trying to swallow down let outside.

His beloved did not say anything and did not move at all even though all the restraints had already been taken off. Lan Wangji could tell that he was still shaken.

"A bath. Come." He proposed desperately. Wei Ying did not move and the Second Jade was wondering if he had even heard him. He really wanted to cry.