SYMBOLS

CHAPTER 18

Voyager cruised gently outside of Anawin space. Chakotay had devised a duty roster that ensured all personnel participating in the away mission received some time off.

B'Elanna and Tom shared a look of dismay as they entered the mess hall and saw the long line of officers waiting their turn to use the replicator. Normally, they would relish the chance to forego one of Neelix's culinary delights. But with the Talaxian so critically injured, the opportunity to indulge in replicated food held no joy. They were reluctant to join the lengthy queue, but begrudgingly acknowledged they were hungry and attached themselves to the end, while together they glanced over at Harry and Seven who were quietly conversing at a table not too far away.

Tom watched Harry and Seven talking. Actually Seven was doing most of the talking. Harry looked like he wished he was somewhere else.

It took twenty minutes for Tom and B'Elanna to reach the front of the queue. By the time they got their meals, Harry wore an expression that said he needed rescuing.

"Ensign, I understand you were close to the Anawin woman," Seven said. "Although I only spent a few hours working with Kylani, I found her to be capable, amiable and highly dedicated to the task of returning the child to her homeworld."

"Okay if we join you?" Tom didn't wait for an answer before he added two chairs for him and B'Elanna to sit down.

Harry sat up a little taller in his seat. He stared at the collection of food items the two had replicated.

"You should've told us what you wanted. We could have gotten something for you," B'Elanna said following the direction of Harry's gaze.

"I'm not really hungry," Harry said.

"Here, why don't you have this?" Tom offered. He held onto his steaming bowl of tomato soup, but pushed his plate of blueberry pie loaded with whipped cream across the table to Harry. But instead of devouring the offering, Harry just pushed the pie around the plate with his fork, making little swirls in the blueberry juice.

Tom could see Harry was wallowing and tried to snap him out of it with a joke, but when he gave the punch line, his words were met with icy silence. The joke didn't raise a chuckle from anyone. B'Elanna even had to explain it to Seven. Harry had certainly done a good job at passing around his misery. As if the atmosphere in the mess hall wasn't already depressing enough with Neelix so obviously absent.

"Want to talk about it?" Tom asked.

"Not really," Harry returned sharply.

"A lot's happened over the last few days. I think we're all feeling pretty tense," Tom said. But he didn't get a reply. "I've been thinking about it, Harry. Believe me, there was nothing you could've done to change things."

Harry looked up from staring at the table. "You've been thinking about it. What exactly do you mean?" His tone was accusatory, but he didn't allow Tom any time to answer the question. "You asked if I wanted to talk about it. Well, how's this? I keep going over it in my mind, those last few seconds. I keep seeing Kylani walk toward the guard. Can you believe it? I knew what she was doing and I let her walk away. I could've done something. But I didn't. I just stood there and watched her die. And I didn't do anything!"

"We all stood there, Harry. There was nothing you could've done," Tom said.

"I'm not so sure," Harry replied, almost in a whisper.

Tom and B'Elanna exchanged a worried glance.

"What do you want me to say?" Tom said. "That there was something you could have done to save her? Maybe stepped in front of the disrupter yourself? Sacrificed yourself?"

"Maybe that is what I should've done!" Harry shouted at him.

"That's really ridiculous. Listen to what you're saying," Tom said. "I can't believe you'd think of sacrificing your own life for someone you knew for only three days. Three days, Harry! You've been in mourning for almost as long as you knew her. I'm sorry Kylani's dead, but as far as I'm concerned, there was nothing you could've done to change things."

Harry stared at him, his sorrow quickly switching to anger.

"How could you say that? You don't know anything about how I feel. What this feels like!" Harry was furious. He tried to leave the table and accidentally up-turned Tom's bowl of hot soup in the process.

The steaming soup cascaded over the edge of the table. Tom suddenly leapt up from his seat. The hot soup scalded his thigh and he yelled as his dinner soaked through his uniform, while he wrenched at the warm, wet pants that were burning his skin. B'Elanna grabbed a glass of ice water from a neighboring table and threw it at him. The water was freezing, but it counteracted the heat from the soup, while Seven began to mop up the table.

Tom stood, dripping wet. He'd been surprised by the ferocity of Harry's backlash. In all the commotion, Harry stormed off, his hasty exit leaving Tom with an audience he hadn't sought. Now it seemed like everyone in the mess hall was looking at him.

"Harry wait!" Tom shouted as he ran after his friend, but Harry was already out of sight; quietly Tom returned to his seat. He could feel the heat of everyone staring at him and he rubbed his hands through his hair in frustration, while B'Elanna and Seven simultaneously raised their eyebrows at him.

Tom was angry with himself. He'd given in to his temper. He had given Harry a lecture when his friend was already miserable. Also, he knew he'd have sore, burned thighs until he treated the second-degree soup burns. He looked down at his empty soup bowl. His expression conveyed frustration and anger, both with himself and with Harry. Then he stared at the long line of officers still waiting to use the replicator, before he sighed and informed B'Elanna he had definitely lost his appetite.