pandora | lil peep (SEQUEL TO SPACE CADET)

chapter 4

"you've arrived at your destination" the gps voice said. "i cant fucking believe this" i said to mumbled. "here goes nothing" i said to myself while i got out of the car before i could change my mind.

i walked up to the front door, knocking twice. a few seconds later the door swung open and there he was in front of me. "hi" he said. "hey" i said awkwardly, waiting for the invite in. he opened the door all the way, gesturing me inside.

he took us back to his couch where we both sat a comfortable distance apart. "so, how'd you end up here for real?" he asked. "i don't want to talk about it" i told him. "course not" he sighed.

"god fine. if you're gonna act like that. i left your house and basically never looked back. haven't talked to my parents or anything since. just been me myself and i" i told him. "well. that's a better explanation than nothing" he said.

"you sure she wasn't you're girlfriend though? i'm not gonna have some crazy bitch tracking me down if she finds one of my hairs on your couch?" i asked.

"layla? god no. i told you, i don't even like her. she's crazy" he told me again. well, he's sticking to the story so i believe it.

"jj look, i'm sorry about what happened all those years ago. i can tell you're still upset over it" he apologized. "okay" i shrugged.

"sure maybe you've changed or whatever, but back then you have to look back and realize what i was dealing with, i couldn't do it anymore. i loved you but you were too much" he told me.

"i know. so why'd you ask me here?" i asked him. "i kind of hoped you had changed. but it's seems it's been minimal, whatever you tell me" he said.

"i have changed. it's true. i told you, you just bring out the worst in me. i guess i do have some repressed feelings towards you" i admitted.

"i know that. honestly, some days i do regret letting you walk out that door. but we've been brought together once again so i'm choosing to take it as a sign. i want to give you another chance. let me get to know the changed you" he offered.

"you could have any girl you wanted. you're famous and shit now. why do you want your ex back?" i asked.

"because i did love you. i don't think it's a coincidence we found each other again" he said, trying to convince me.

he left me, he hurt me. so i shouldn't go back to him. why would i give him another chance? i should hate him. but that's old jj talking. maybe the only way to find out was to really get to know him again and be real.

"okay. but slowly. very slowly. we're just friends" i told him. "i can work with that" he said.

"did you actually love me?" i asked. "of course i did. it just wasn't the right time for us. neither of us were in the right headspace to handle one another" he answered.

"so the music thing. how's it going? how'd it blow up?" i asked. "got lucky" he said. "i don't think it was all luck, there was some talent involved" i told him. i had looked up some of his new music. it had definitely improved since we were together.

"was that a compliment? from jj? never thought i'd see the day" he joked. "stop" i joked "i can be nice". 

"i'll be the judge of that" he said.

"so where are you living nowadays?" he asked.

"i have an apartment kind of downtown. it's not very big, or fancy. it works though" i shrugged. waitressing definitely was not the job i needed, or wanted but it's what i had and what i had to work with. for now at least.

"that's nice. how have you been, honestly?" he asked. "good" i said. "i said honestly" he critiqued. "not everyday is great. but for the most part i've been fine" i said.

"so you're okay right now?" he asked. "mostly" i said. "okay. let me know if you need anything" he offered. i guess fame hadn't really changed him. he was still trying to help people, always giving up himself for others. he was so kind and so selfless it was easy for him to be taken advantage of. i would know, i did it.  not that i even meant to. that's just the way i was.

"okay. thanks" i said.

"i actually have a show in town tomorrow. it's downtown. i want you to come be there" he said.

"really?" i asked. "yeah. really. i'll text you the details if you're interested?" he offered.

"well, why not" i agreed. "i'll be happy to have you there" he told me.

"i'm looking forward to it" i said to him.