one month later
i stood anxiously against the bedroom door frame. "what's up my love?" gus asked, noticing me there.
"i'm late" i told him, "for what? shit did i forget you had to be somewhere?" he asked, checking the calendar on the wall.
"no gus, like, i'm late. my period is late" i told him. my palms were sweating and my heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest.
"are you sure?" he asked, he didn't seem panicked, but he didn't seem like anything else either
"yes, i'm sure gus" i told him. my voice quivered.
"baby just relax" he told me, embracing me in a hug. i let my full bodyweight lean into him. "gus what do we do?" i asked, completely panicking.
"it's okay jj, did you take a test?" he asked, bringing me to sit on the bed. "no" i told him.
"okay, i'm gonna run to the drugstore and get you one. stay here, just breathe jj. everything will be okay" he told me, rubbing circles on my back.
"okay" i said, i felt paralyzed in this moment. "i'm gonna go now, i'll be ten minutes, if that. okay babe?" he asked
"okay" i repeated. i couldn't think of any words right now. "i love you" he told me and kissed my forehead, "i love you too" i told him.
"i'll be right back" he said, heading for the door
i barely moved a muscle from my position, i just stared at the wall and tried to breathe. he'd be back soon.
i took a few sips from my water bottle on the nightstand. i was scared, like really fucking scared. i was ahead of myself. i wasn't scared about having a baby with gus per say. i was scared because i would be a terrible fucking mother, look at me. i can hardly handle myself. my whole life i've only been told im a bitch, selfish, terrible, mean, hard to be with.
i felt like i could breathe again when gus walked back in the door. he handed me the pharmacy bag and i took it to the bathroom.
i followed each instruction carefully, placing it flat on the counter. "we have to wait 3 minutes" i told him. he nodded, setting a timer on his phone. i buried my face into his chest, each second stressing me out more and more.
it felt like ages before the timer on his phone went off. "you look" i told him. i was too scared. gus looked over the stick on the counter. he let out a breath and smiled. "what does it say?" i asked nervously. "jj, you're pregnant" he told me.
time stood still in that moment, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs. all i could so was sink to the floor. i couldn't even choke out the cries i felt building inside of me. gus rushed to my side, sitting next to me in the floor.
"what are you thinking right now?" he asked me, "i don't even know" i said. "what are you thinking?" i asked. "baby, if i'm being honest i'm happy, but it isn't up to me" he told me.
"really?" i asked, looking up at him. "yes" he said "i want this, with you of course". i felt a slight sense of relief hearing that. "when would this have even happened?" i asked. "i don't know babe, we're careful" he said.
"gus i can't do this" i said, reluctantly placing a hand on my stomach. "it's not that i don't want this gus. i do, i'm not scared of doing this with you but i can't be a mom gus, i'd be a horrible one, i don't even know what to do" i said, my speech getting more rapid.
"breathe" gus told me, "if you we're asking me i think you'd be a great mom jj. i know you've been through a lot but i think you would be fantastic. you'd protect that baby from ever going through anything like that" he reassured me.
"do you really think so?" i asked "i wouldn't lie about something like this my love" he assured.
"do you wanna have this baby?" i asked him, "that's not up to me, do you want to have this baby?" he asked. "yes, but i don't know what to do. what if i can't do this?" i asked.
"i want whatever you want, but you're who i wanna spend my life with. i'd be overjoyed for us to do this" he said.
"i don't know how to do this" i said.
"neither do i, but we can figure it out together" he assured to me
"okay" i said, "we're gonna do this" i decided.
i'd never seen gus smile like this ever. i knew he'd be a great dad, i never doubted that for a second. he picked me up and i wrapped my legs around him. i was terrified but i was happy. i want this, we both do.
"you're gonna be great" he told me. as long as i had him i knew i'd be okay. "i'm really happy" i told him "me too" he agreed.
YOU ARE READING
pandora | lil peep (SEQUEL TO SPACE CADET)
Fanfiction-"one day, curiosity got the better of pandora and she did open the box out flew plagues, sorrows, and all sorts of evils against man the only good thing in the box, was hope"
