"i liked your show" i told gus as we settled into his room. "thank you" he said. "most of them were about you, us" he told me. "really?" i asked, even though i knew.
"yeah" he said. "i hurt you that bad?" i asked him. dumb question, obviously i did. "well, yeah but i'd kind of like to move on from that jj, start fresh" he suggested. "yeah. sorry" i said "for everything.
"how's your mom?" i asked him. "dead" he said, with a blank expression. "gus what? i'm so sorry i had no idea, you could've called i-" i stopped myself. why would he have called me? "it's okay jj. she had cancer, it was worse watching her suffer. i just like to think of it as she's at peace now" he told me.
"i'm sorry" i told him again. "she still asked about you from time to time" he told me. "really? i didn't think she was my biggest fan" i said. "she wasn't when we were together, but after we broke up she saw how much i hurt, how much i wished it could be different".
"i'll be back" gus told me, walking towards his balcony. he. closed the door behind himself. i watched him pull a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting it and taking a long drag from it.
i watched the smoke pour from his mouth, disappearing into the dark sky. i just got the feeling he wanted to be alone for a minute, but i also wanted to check on him. i decided to just let him come to me. he knows what he needs.
•••
he flung the butt of the cigarette off the balcony and turned back to come to bed. he didn't say anything and neither did i. he laid down beside me, putting his arm around me to guide me to lay beside him. i gently placed my head on his chest, he held me tighter and burrowed his face into my neck.
i enjoyed our moment of peace. we use to have far and few. "i love you" he told me. "i love you too" i reciprocated.
"do you think we'll be okay?" i asked him. "i think we can be. we have to try though" he said. "okay" i nodded.
"jj, can i ask you something ?" he sounded nervous. "yeah" i said.
"will you officially be my girlfriend, again?" he asked. i thought for a moment, overrun with the fear of hurting him again.
"yes" i told him. he smiled, holding me tighter.
"can i ask you something?" id had something burning in my chest.
"yeah" he said.
"who's layla? and be honest" i told him.
"i was just sleeping with her" he told me. "that's all?" i asked. "yeah" he reinforced. "she won't be a problem?" i asked him. "no. and if she tries i won't let her" he reassured me. "okay good.
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pandora | lil peep (SEQUEL TO SPACE CADET)
Fiksi Penggemar-"one day, curiosity got the better of pandora and she did open the box out flew plagues, sorrows, and all sorts of evils against man the only good thing in the box, was hope"
