pandora | lil peep (SEQUEL TO SPACE CADET)

chapter 1

jj

this is me, 5 years later. after my parents kicked me out, and gus and i broke up i continued my journey onwards from his front porch. i'd ended up across the country from new york to california. between catching the occasional train, or hitching a ride with a friend made along the way i ended up here. occasionally stopping for a couple months in certain cities, i'd get a menial job and a place to stay and continue on my way again.

i grew to love the lifestyle after a bit. it was my only choice after all. i hadn't spoke to my family or gus since i left new york that day, and i found my way. just like i always said i would. on my own. once i reached california i fell in love, i knew it would have to be home for a while at least.

i never felt or considered myself homeless along the way, i could always make something work the way i needed it to. i'd met a handful of people along the way i was grateful for, but struggled to keep open communication with due to my situation, resulting in the deterioration of any relationship i may have. formed.

i didn't know what i wanted to do now that i had found somewhere to settle, i was working as a waitress right now but i didn't have any life ambitions necessarily. there was a line cook at the restaurant, andrew, who was kind of cute but after gus i never felt the need for another relationship.

i'd been deemed by myself and others as unlovable so i had finally come to terms with it. i guess people were right when they said i'd never change. i still only needed myself, and i had gotten this far which is plenty of proof.

"order up!" the chef called, putting down the plate i was waiting to serve. the man i served it to was sitting alone. "is there anything else i can get for you?" i asked him. "im good thank you. im waiting on a few more of my friends. they're meeting me" he said. "alright. sounds good. i'll come check on you in a few minutes then" i told him, walking away from the table.

"jess?" my manager asked when i walked back to the kitchen. "don't call me that, and what?" i asked. they always insisted calling me by my actual name not a nickname which i absolutely hated. win some lose some though. "there's supposed to be a giant party of people coming to your section at any minute, do you want a second set of hands or you got it?" she asked.

"i'll probably be fine. i'll let someone know if it gets too busy" i told her. "okay awesome, you're the best" she smiled. "i know" i mumbled. i did way too much for this place for the amount i made working here. it was stupid and unappreciated.

moments after i'd been warned of the influx of customers the front door of the restaurant swung open and a huge group of guys and a few girls walked in. i didn't really get a great look at them, there was too many.

the guy sitting alone at the table waved at them, they all got herded over to the tabled that had been set up got them, taking up almost my entire section. i rolled my eyes as i started to walk up to the tables, this would be a long ass night for sure. hopefully they tipped well.

"hey guys, my name's jj. i'll be taking care of you tonight, can i get you started with any drinks?" i asked the table, starting at the end with the guy i had already brought an appetizer to. "i'll just do another coke" he said.

"just water"

"sprite"

"surprise me with whatever beer is good on tap"

"water"

"rum and coke"

"water"

"a sangria pitcher for the two of us?" the girls asked.

"y'all got vodka and red bulls?" the guy sitting next to one of the girls asked. "babe those taste like shit" the girl with black hair said to him. "don't care" he said, looking back at me. "yeah i can do that for you" i told him. funny, i only knew one person that used to drink vodka redbulls and that was gus.

"okay, so i've got everyone's drinks. can i grab any appetizers for the table?" i asked everyone. "yeah i've just got one question" vodka redbull guy asked. "sure" i said, coming to stand beside him. "is this any good?" he asked, pointing to something on the menu. i got distracted though. the rose tattoo on his hand, it looked just like the one gus has. there was quite a few more added around this one but there was no way.

there was absolutely no fucking way gustav was sitting at my table right now. not a fucking chance. "yeah. it is" i said, starting to zone out at the wall. "i'll be right back with those drinks" i said, rushing off to the back. my eyes have to be absolutely deceiving me. there's no way i run into my ex across the fucking country.

i stood behind the bar, trying to observe him without being noticed. the black haired girl must be his new girlfriend. she laughed at everything he said, always grabbing at his arm and shit. she was trying way too hard, he hates that. i hated to have to believe but it was true.

there was gus, sitting at my table. the tattoos gave it away at first. the longer i observed the more and more familiar  his voice became, feeling like it was just yesterday the last time we spoke. his face had grown up a little in the last few years, but there was no denying his eyes and the subtle pout he always had on his face when he wasn't talking.

surely he didn't recognized me, i looked very different now. or maybe he did, and wasn't saying anything for the sake of the girl. either way this was going to make out to be an interesting night. maybe neither of us would say anything and he would get up and leave and life would continue as normal. i certainly wasn't going to mention anything, so it was on him to say something if he so recognized me.