pandora | lil peep (SEQUEL TO SPACE CADET)

chapter 20

2 weeks after gus left for tour

gus' pov

we we're halfway through our tour, i was back in la tonight playing a home show. i didn't tell jj, i was going to surprise her after the show. it's been a long two weeks. i missed her, a lot. tour isn't even as fun as i thought it would be. maybe if i could have had her with me, but she had to take care of her and the baby.

"let's gooo" tracy said, hitting my back "we're doing witchblades" he said. i followed him back out to the stage. the love from the fans was incredible really. nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of fans screaming your name and knowing every word to your songs.

i felt my phone start to vibrate in my back pocket when we started the song, i ignored it , i'd get it after we were done witchblades.

switchblades, cocaine
gothboiclique, make a ho shake
black fur, black coat
gothboiclique in the back, ho
switchblades, cocaine
gothboiclique, 'til my soul take
black jeans, half black hoes
gothboiclique in the castle

we finished the song, i got off stage to see who kept calling me.

"oh fuck" i mumbled when i saw it was jj. i had 7 missed calls, it couldn't be good.

i called her back right away "pick up, pick up" i said while i listened to the phone ring.

"gus" she said, she was crying

"jj, im sorry i was on stage i-" she cut me off, "gus somethings wrong with the baby" she cried

"what? jj i'm coming home, i'm playing in la tonight i was gonna surprise you" i told her "get here fast" she pleaded.

the call ended and i was already getting an uber home. "i have to go right now" i yelled backstage for whoever heard. "peep what's up man" tracy asked, trying to grab my arm to stop me. i ripped it out of his grasp "it's jj, the baby i have to go right now" i was panicking.

everything around me was blurred, i was just looking for the uber.

i ran over to the car and got in. "please hurry, i need to get home right now" i told the driver. he just nodded.

the drive felt like it was taking an eternity. "i'm sorry man, i know you're doing your best but can we go any faster? it's my fiance and my kid, somethings wrong" i was on the verge of tears. "i'll try and get around traffic" he said. "thank you".

we finally arrived at the apartment. i didn't bother waiting on the elevator, we were only on the 5th floor so i booked it up the stairs. 

"i'm here jj, i'm here" ii yelled through the door, frantically jamming the key in the lock. 

i saw her slumped on the bathroom floor, "what's wrong?" i rushed over to her. 

"somethings wrong" she cried, "you gotta tell me whats going on babe" 

"it hurts" she cried, clutching her stomach, "it hurts so bad somethings wrong" she cried

"let me help you sit up" i gave her my arm so she could sit up off the floor. 

my heart sunk when she moved her legs "jj, you're bleeding" i told her. i felt like i just got hit by a truck, "you're bleeding a lot" i said, looking closer. 

"oh my god" jj said, she accidentally put her hand down in the pool of blood "oh my god" she sobbed.

"we gotta get you to the hospital" i told her, i pulled out my phone to dial 911. i explained what was happening, they were on their way. 

"gus it hurts" she screamed, collapsing onto the floor again. with every movement the pool of blood grew. 

"try to stay still jj, you're losing a lot of blood" i told her. "the baby" she said, "is the baby gonna be okay? whats happening?" she asked. she was pale, weak. she was losing a lot of blood. "let's take care of you first" i told her, grasping her hand. 

i had a bad feeling, a really bad feeling. she shouldn't be bleeding like this but the doctor said everything looked good at her last appointment. 

"the paramedics will be here soon" i assured her. "am i gonna die gus?" she asked "no baby, don't think about that" i told her. she was gonna be okay. "what about the baby gus?" she asked "i don't know jj" i answered honestly. she broke down and sobbed even harder. 

i heard banging at the door, the paramedics came in. "we're in here" i yelled. "hey you're gonna be alright" the medic told her. "she's bleeding a lot" i told them, "and she's almost 3 months pregnant".

they were helping her onto the stretcher, she was getting weaker by the minute. 

i approached the second medic, i needed to confirm what i thought "she's miscarrying isn't she?" i asked. "i'm not a doctor, i can't confirm anything" she said, "please, what do you think" i asked. "i'm not a doctor, but in my experience likely yes. i'm sorry" she told me. "thank you" i sighed. 

"gus?" jj asked, "i'm right here" i said, rushing to her side. 

they loaded her into the back of the ambulance, i stayed right beside her. 

the whole rush to and though the ER was a blur. she was hooked up to IVs and blood transfusions. i was terrified. they kept telling me she'd be fine but she didn't look very fine. she was gonna be heartbroken over losing the baby, i don't think she knew yet.

i was heartbroken too, but i'd have to be strong for her. i had just gone out to the nursing station to see if there were any updates. i saw someone in a white coat walk out of her room, i ran back over. i could tell by her face that they had just told her. 

"gus, i lost the baby" she said through shaky breaths. "i'm so sorry" i told her, sitting on the edge of her bed. "are you mad at me?" she cried "no baby, why would i ever be mad at you?" i asked. "i fucked up, i lost our baby. i knew i could never do this" she sobbed, my heart broke for her, for us. 

"jj it's not your fault you didn't do anything wrong. babe i could have lost you too, they said you almost bled out from the hemorrhage" i told her

"but it doesn't even matter. what's the point of me being here? i already failed being a mom" she said, "jj don't talk like that. you did nothing wrong, this isn't your fault. it could happen to anyone" i told her. 

i could tell she wasn't really taking anything in. she was going to blame herself no matter what i said. i crawled into the tiny hospital bed with her, letting her cry into my lap. i just rubbed her back, letting her cry it out. 

i broke down too. obviously i was upset at the loss of the baby, but it wasn't her fault. i almost lost her too.