pandora | lil peep (SEQUEL TO SPACE CADET)

chapter 12

4 days later

jj's pov

i hadn't heard a word from gus since he walked out my door. god i fucked up. i fucked up so bad.

why do i do this? push away everyone? really i had no one until gus came back to me. now i have no one again.

it was my fault too, i said horrible things to him. i've lost all hope of us being together again. not that we officially broke up, but i could tell it was over.

i didn't even mean any of it. of course i was upset he lied to me, and the whole layla situation had left me in shock but i get so full of of rage and i can't stop myself.

i fidgeted with my phone, looking at his number in my call log. i wanted to call him but my ego wouldn't let me. he had to call me.

i thought i had changed, but really i was just completely isolated. i had no one to make me act the way i do.

i told him i hated him, i didn't. i loved him more than anything in the world even if i didn't particularly know how to show it sometimes. well, most of the time.

i should just call him. i need to get over myself. that's what people say. 

i lost my parents, my friends, now gus. 

tears spilled from my eyes and i gasped for breath. i just ruined everything. i sobbed, curling into a ball on my bed. 

i stared longingly at my phone, hoping for my screen to light up with his name. 

he was always cleaning up after me. maybe i finally pushed him too far. he wasn't going to chase me again. 

i should just do it. it's okay, he needs this from me or it very well may be the end of us. 

i tapped his name in my call log, 

ring...

ring..

ring..

"hey this is gus, can't get to the phone right now. leave me a message and i'll get back to you"

my heart sunk. this was over, officially. he wanted nothing to do with me. he hates me.

gus's pov

i watched my phone ring with jj's name. i didn't pick up. i didn't know what to say to her. honestly, i was even surprised she was calling me. it wasn't like her, i always had to fix things. 

i know she didn't mean what she was saying. i shouldn't have lied to her but i didn't know what else to do.  i don't know how i can keep putting up with her like this though, i thought she was doing better. 

i know i deserve to be happy, and she makes me happy just not when she gets like this. it's impossible almost. it doesn't even matter what i say to her, good or bad. 

i don't want to leave her again, i really don't. do i give her one more chance?

maybe i just fucked it up, i didn't answer her call, she's probably gonna take that as i hate her. she's not gonna call back. i doubt she'd let me in if i went over. 

if she really wanted this, if she really wanted me maybe she would come around. i just have to give her time. 

"please just call me back baby" i whispered to myself. 

why were we like this? why couldn't either of us just be the bigger person right now? this is never going to end. 

i jumped, my phone vibrated in my pocket. i sighed, it was just some instagram notification. 

"cmon jj" i pleaded. 

"fuck it" i mumbled, she was my girl, i had to get her back. 

i tapped her name to call her back.

it rang through to voicemail. of course, she was gonna play this game. i knew she would. 

i called back, voicemail again

i opened my messages to text her

gus

please baby

im sorry i didn't answer

i dont wanna play games

you know i love you

i tried to call her one last time, i was surprised that she picked up.

"hi baby" i said

"hi" she said quaintly

"can i come over? i think we should talk" i told her

"okay" she said

"jj, you know i love you right? i don't wanna do anything to make you think i don't" i told her

"i know" she said

"i'll be there soon, is that okay?" i asked

"yeah" she sniffled

the line went dead. i could tell she was upset. i knew she wanted to fix this, she just doesn't know how to manage her emotions. 

i left to head over to jj's place, we'd be okay.