Possessive Love (COMPLETED)

Chapter thirty seven

NICOLE

"Niki..."

"Hi Nics!"

I clutched my bag and look around. Kakalabas ko lang ng hospital. I was about to call Sam to pick me up, then I saw Niki. Hindi naman sa natatakot ako sa kanya, pero matapos kong malaman ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin, hindi ko na alam kung paano siya pakikitunguhan.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"Aw. Dati hindi mo naman tinatanong kung bakit kita pinupuntahan? And now, wow. Things changed huh?"

"Hindi sa ganon, Niki---"

"It's Niks for us." putol niya sa akin, nasasaktan sa sinabi ko. "I just wanted to talk." napakunot noo ako dahil sa paggewang niya.

"Are you drunk?"

"Just tipsy---"

"Niki umuwi ka na. Paano ka nakapunta dito at nagdrive ka pa? I always tell you to never drink and drive. Ang tigas ng ulo mo---"

"Now tell me how can I unloved you?" putol niya sa akin. Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. Her eyes are pleading and full of pain.

"I've been inlove with you since the time I can't remember. How can I stop my heart from beating so fast whenever your around? How can I stop my mind from always thinking about you? Tell me, Nics. Just thinking of you makes me happy, but now, it makes my heart ache." pinipigilan kong maluha sa mga sinasabi niya. This is why I don't want to talk to her yet. Ayokong maramdaman niyang naaawa ako, dahil hindi dapat ganun. Pity is the last thing I want her to feel towards me.

"I was the one who saw and met you first. Remember when someone bumped on you on your first day of school? I was the one who helped pick your things. Dun kita unang nakita." naaalala ko yun, pero hindi si Niki. Natatandaan kong may tumulong sa akin, I just said thank you and ran away dahil male-late na ko sa klase.

"When you had your period and afraid to go out in the restroom, remember that?" nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. "T-that was me. When you got an offer to be a working scholar. It was all me, Nicole. Ako. Ako ang palaging nandiyan para sa'yo." she frustratedly rake her hair and look at me with her pleading eyes. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa lahat ng sinasabi niya. All along I though it was all just luck on my part. That fate is always been good to me.

"N-niki...."

"You know why Itay is fond of me? Because I was the one helping him with his rice goods. Ako ang namimili ng mga palay na ani niya sa presyong gusto niya. A-ayoko naman talagang sabihin ito Nicole. No one asked me to do it. Pero ginawa ko, dahil ayokong nakikitang nahihirapan ka. I wanted to be your savior. I wanted you to notice me." mataman niya akong tinitigan. "But you didn't. Not even once."

Napasinghap ako dahil ramdam na ramdam ko ang sakit niya. I bit my lip to surpass a sob while stopping my tears from falling.

"I thought, when Sam left you is my chance. Aaminin ko, palagi kong pinagdarasal na wag na siyang bumalik. I was happy the day she left you. Pinili kong maging makasarili at hindi isipin ang nararamdaman mo nang iwan ka niya. While you're busy crying and looking for her, I was celebrating for my own good. Then, she cameback." natawa siya pero puno iyon ng pait. Ako naman ay napatakip sa bibig ko, hindi na maampat ang luha sa mata ko. "Like nothing happens. Tapos ikaw, kumahog na naman sa kanya. Fuck. You didn't even told me that she already cameback. I felt betrayed Nics, but I can't blame you. Sino ba naman ako di ba?" she wipe her tear when it's fell from her cheek. "I've always loved you, Nicole. H-hindi ko yun sinusumbat, wala ka namang kasalanan kung m-minahal kita. You can't even force yourself to love me back. B-but, Nics, w-wala ba talaga akong chance? K-kahit konti? Those times that I made you feel my presence, protecting and always be there for you. W-wala bang dating sa yo?"

"N-niki... I-- I'm s-sorry..." nahihirapan akong magsalita dahil sa emosyong nababalot sa buong pagkatao ko. Lahat ng sinabi ni Niki, lahat iyon ay parang replay button na nag flashback sa akin. Para akong nasa pelikula at daig ko pa ang taong nagka amnesia at bumabalik ang ala ala.

"Sorry?" sarkastikong sabi niya. "I don't want your sorry Nicole. I want you to love me."

"I.... I c-can't, Niki. A-alam mong hindi pwede. I love Sam. Noon at ngayon. It doesn't matter kung anong sakit ang naranasan ko sa kanya. K-kung paano ako nahirapan nung wala siya. S-siya lang, N-niki... I am not capable to love unless it is Sam." napapikit ako dahil sa nakita kong pagbalatay ng sakit sa mukha niya. Ayoko man na masaktan siya, pero wala akong magagawa. "P-please Niki, s-stop loving me. I'm not worthy and I don't deserve it. M-masasaktan lang kita. I am a selfish person, I can't love you back." umiiyak na ring sabi ko.

I don't want to lose a friend. And I can't bear to see her hurting like this. No one deserve this kind of pain. But I can't love her back.

I just can't.

Tumango tango siya. Umiiyak at natatawa ng sabay. Nasasaktan ako sa nakikita ko sa kanya. Gone the jolly and positive person that I know. This girl in front of me is full of pain.

"A-at least we've been honest and clear now." napahugot siya ng hininga at saka malungkot na tumingin sa akin. "I guess this is goodbye, then. Sorry I can't be your friend. Kaya wag mo ng hilingin. That's the last thing you can do for me. J-just be h-happy."

Napalakas ang hagulgol ko pagkaalis ni Niki. Ni hindi ako nakasalita, para akong natulos sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa sobrang sakit. Why do we need to experience this? Bakit sa amin pang tatlo nila Sam. Alam kong nahihirapan rin si Sam ngayon. Thinking of her, I grab my phone and called Sam.

"Hi, love."

"A-asan ka?"

"Are you okay? Why your voice is like that? Have you cried?"

Napapikit ako. Just hearing my voice, she knows what I am going through. Ganoon niya ako kakilala.

"Love where are you? Stop making me worry."

I can hear keys and car engine on her back ground. Nagmadali pa ata. Napangiti ako habang nai imagine siya. "I want to see you, love."

"Then tell me where are you?"

"I'll wait you here at the hospital parking, love."

"Okay. I'll be there at five---"

"Love, will you marry me?" out of nowhere na tanong ko.

"Fuck! Love, wag mo kong binibiro ng ganyan! I am driving!"

Natawa ako ng bahagya, "I am not. Papakasalan mo ba ako?" ulit ko.

"Shit. Wait me there."

"I will. Drive safe, okay. Magpapakasal pa tayo. I love you, Sam."

"O-okay. I love you too."

Napangiti ako at kahit paano nabawasan ang bigat sa dibdib ko. I wanted to start a new life with her. Maybe this is the best time to heal. Alam kong marami akong masasaktan sa desisyon ko. Pero sa ngayon, ako at si Sam lang ang nasa isip ko.

I was about to go back to the hospital when a gunshot pierce tru me. I clenched my heart and hold it tight as I felt the blood rushing in my hand.

"V-V----"

"You fucking deserve it bitch! Mamatay ka na!"

I heard another shot before I can't feel anything.