"I really think may iba siya, sis," pagsumbong ko kay Brina.
[Did you find any evidences, Erica?] Sabi niya sa kabilang linya.
"Wala pa. Pero iba talaga ang kutob ko, eh. Brina, help me please. I don't know what to do kung sakali mang may iba nga siya." I almost cried while saying those words. I can't imagine my man dating another girl!
[Ikaw si Erica Dimaloco pero niloloko ng boyfriend. Ano 'yun?] She laughed at her own joke. I rolled my eyes.
"Brina, I'm serious!" I hissed.
[Okay, 'wag ka mag-alala. I got you.]
Something's really weird about Jagger. I trust him but is he really trustworthy?
I wasn't able to tell these things to my parents since I don't want them to worry about me. Also, I don't want to ruin their relationship with Jagger.
Una pa lang, gusto na nila si Jagger para sa 'kin. Ayaw kong madungisan ang tingin nila sa kanya. Kaya, ako na lang gagawa ng paraan.
Of course, with the help of my bestfriend, Brina.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you, ha." I said, trying to calm myself.
[No worries, ano ba! But.. If you want to find any evidences, you should try to check on his phone first.] Pag-i-instruct niya sa akin. Tumango naman ako at itinala 'yon sa notebook ko. [Try to check on his messages ganun. Kung sino mga kausap niya or sa messenger. Doon gumagawa ng kalandian ang iba!] She laughed.
I stopped jotting down notes, "But I think para na natin siyang tinatanggalan ng privacy." I said.
[Para rin naman 'yan sa ikakatahimik ng mga kutob or akala mo. If ayaw mo nang ganitong paraan you should talk to him, right?]
Bumuntong hininga ako, "You're right, sis. I should talk to him about sa naiisip ko. Baka dahil lang 'to sa stress or nami-miss ko lang siya since busy na siya palagi at medyo nawawalan na ng oras sa 'kin unlike before." I kept my notebook and sat down at the edge of the bed.
What if, I'm just paranoid? Not because he changed, it means he's cheating, right?
I hope so.
Pinipilit kong isipin na normal lan 'yung may tumawag sa kanya noong nakaraang gabi, dahil may tiwala naman ako sa kanya at alam kong 'di siya magsisinungaling sa akin.
I know him. He wouldn't lie.
Atsaka, 'yung hindi niya paglilinis siguro ay pagod lang talaga siya. Hindi na siya sweet sa 'kin, siguro... wala lang talaga siyang oras?
I bitterly scoffed in my mind.
Was it my fault? Kasi natataasan ko siya ng boses kapag ang kalat ng unit?
[Okay. Goodluck, ha. Kaya mo 'yan! Just tell him the truth about what you feel para 'di laging mabigat ang damdamin mo. Kaloka ka!] Natatawang sabi niya.
I heard the main door of our unit opened. "I think he's here na, Brina. Bye na. Thanks for the time," I said before ending the call.
I go out of the bedroom and saw Jagger.
We're living in the same place but I felt like he's slowly drifting away from me.
"Hey..." he uttered when he saw me.
I went to him and hugged him tight. "J-Jagger.." I bite my lower lip. "Na-miss kita," I cooed. Matagal ko na siyang hindi nayayakap nang ganito.
He caressed my hair. "I missed you too," he responded then kissed the top of my head. Bumitaw siya sa pagkakayakap. "What's our dinner?" He went to the kitchen. "Wow, kaldereta. Thanks, babe," he said before sitting.
This is it, right? I should ask him right now or else I would go crazy because of these thoughts.
I already ate. Nagutom na kasi ako kakanatay sa kaniya sa pag-uwi niya.
"How's work?" Umupo ako sa tapat niya at pinatong ang braso sa mesa.
"Ayos naman. Marami-raming clients ang nagpapatulong sa mga businesses nila." He looked at me and smiled. "How 'bout you, kamusta?"
"Medyo okay naman." I forced a smile.
He stopped eating and put down the utensils. He held my hand. "Why? Is something bothering you?" nag-aalalang tanong niya habang nakatingin sa mga mata ko.
Are you still really the same Jagger that I love?
Are you seeing someone?
Don't you love me anymore?
I looked into his eyes. "Sorry, Jagger pero..." I can feel the lump on my throat. "May kutob kasi ako na..." Yumuko ako, "Baka may iba ka..." I heard him laughed. Muli akong lumingon sa kaniya. "What's funny, babe?" I pouted. "I just want to confirm it from you. So please magsabi ka ng totoo." A drop of tear from my eyes came down to my cheeks.
Kasi kapag meron, hindi ko kakayanin.
"What made you think na may iba ako?" Pinisil niya ang mga kamay ko at hinawakan ang baba ko para tumingin sa kanya. "I won't do that to you, okay?" He wiped off my tears.
I felt a relief. That's it. This time, I would never doubt his words and actions again.
I nodded. "I'm sorry, Jagger. Pinag-isipan kita ng masama."
"It's okay, babe. I should be sorry dahil wala na ako masyadong oras sayo," aniya. "I love you, Erica."
Okay na sana.
As I read the text message on his phone. My whole world fall apart.
It took one text message to destroy my sanity. I felt a pang on my chest.
Naniwala na ako, eh.
Kaya lang, ano 'to?! Ginagawa niya ba akong tanga? Almost three years...
All of these years that we're together, hindi man lang ba niya iyon maisip?
As I saw her with Jagger on the mall.
Alam ko na.
That girl resembles me...
She is Jagger's therapist before. And now, they're dating?
Erich. Bitch.
Napaluha na ako nang narinig silang malakas na humalakhal dahil nag-joke si Jagger kay Erich. Ako ang gumawa ng joke na 'yon para sa kanya.
Seeing her with my boyfriend from afar, all I felt was jealously. She looks softer and prettier than me.
"We did that too..."
"Shit. Your boyfriend got deja vu..." Brina mumbled.
My heart clenched in pain. How could he do this to me? He's dating a girl that resembles me!
I felt like I was watching a film that I've seen before and didn't like its ending. And now, in front of me, he got deja vu.
10/24/21
YOU ARE READING
He Got Deja Vu
Romance"We did that too..." -She, the bitter one. Billions of people, but I chose him. But seems the world is too unfair and against me. Because I gave him too much of myself, but he just betrayed me. It took one text message to destroy my sanity. See...
