I Was Born Sick But I Love It

I'm sorry

After remaining on the floor, going in and out of consciousness, despite the pain, I stand up, pain ripping through my body, tearing me to shreds.

I pulled on clothes from when he was over, all of them scattered on the floor. Pulling them on takes all my strength.

My thoughts are on him.

Is he okay?

Where did he go?

Does he hate me?

He hates me.

I ruined him.

I have to know.

I looked around for my phone, mind fuzzy from injuries, finding on the nightstand, only one text. Around the time we were driving home from the store.

Louis, our flight got canceled because of the weather. We will be home in a few hours.

If I had just checked my fucking messages. If I had just done this one thing right. I'd be with Harry, Harry would be with me.

Speaking of him. No messages, no calls. Nothing.

He hates me.

But does he?

I open my phone, opening our texts. Simple and short.

Im sorry

I set it down, wincing in pain and standing up, trying my hardest to not fall over. I bend down to grab a bag from under my bed, I have to leave, I cant let myself go through this, it'll ruin me.

Wincing with every step, until I fall down, I sob, im tired. Im fucking tired of this.

Then a knock on my door comes, my heart drops, what do they want now.

But what I was expecting wasn't it, I heard a small voice come through.

"Lou?" The twins.

"I-I hang on, I-I'm coming." I can't let them see me like this, blood is dried on my face, so I walk as fast as I can to the bathroom, washing my face and arms, my shirt is black so it's fine, I tell them to come in from the bathroom with the door closed.

I hear small footsteps in the room and they gasp. Shit, there's probably blood on the floor.

I wipe away any tears and open the door, hoping I don't scare them, they're too young to see this. When I open the door the girls are right in front of me, taking each of my arms and guiding me to the bed, I let it happen, even if I'm confused.

"W-we were scared, we saw mommy and daddy hit you and y-you were crying." Olivia, she cries and I hold them, feeling awful they have to see it.

"I'm sorry cupcakes Im sorry."

They look around, noticing my bag.

"Where a-are you goin? Are you leaving?" The sadness in their eyes breaks me even more, I can't take this. I need Harry.

"I-I have to, baby, I can't stay here." Confusion passes on their faces.

"But why?" I sigh, just tell them, it's easier.

"You know Harry right?" They nod. "And told you he was my friend right?"

"Mhm." They sit next to me, listening intently.

"Well he's more than a friend, I love him, like a lot." They tilt their heads.

"So he's like your brother? You love him like you love us?" I almost laugh, oh god.

"Not quite babes. You know how in movies you see a boy and a girl and they are in love with each other? And in the end they live happily ever after?"

The girl's eyes widened, "But I thought only girls and boys can love each other?" Olivia asks, and well so did I a few years ago.

"Most people do but that's not right. Girls can love girls and boys can love boys, but the problem is people like mommy and daddy don't like it." I try to explain it, my head is throbbing and I feel weak, but they deserve an explanation.

"Why?"

"I don't know love, I don't know."

I know it's time now, to tell them I'm leaving, and probably won't see them for years or even talk to them. I can't do this.

"So girls I'm gonna need you to listen to me very carefully." I will myself to not cry so I don't stress them out, "I-I have to go somewhere, mommy and daddy don't really like me right now and I have to make sure they dont hurt me." Quite dark for little girls, I know.

They don't say anything, just look at me, and for some reason every tear just appears in the moment.

"I love you girls so much, don't ever forget that okay? And I don't know how long I'll be gone but I promise, I promise that I will see you again okay?" They start crying.

"You're gonna leave us?" A tiny voice, so tiny yet impacts my heart like no other.

"I'm sorry...but I have to."