rendezvous

13

"Hi everyone!" I say chipperly to my tiktok live. "I know it's been a while since I've gone live on here but I wrote a new song last night and I wanted to know what y'all think of it." 

If you got it, it ain't a question
Ooh, it ain't no room for guessing
No more than emotionally invested (no, no)
Showing you all my imperfections, oh

If I let you, you'll take me for granted, yeah
If I'm worth more than you could manage, manage, yeah
Open with me, oh, we could be honest
Closer to me, oh, giving me solace
Promise that you won't let me fall

I sing until the song is done and I watch the comments as they roll in. I notice that they're mostly positive, a few hate comments here and there but that's to be expected.

vinniehacker: drop the album

poloboy: banger

user1: that was so good!!!

user2: tiktokers swear they need to make music 

addisonrae: we should collab 

I talk to the live for about a half-hour telling them that I plan on releasing an EP independently I a few weeks and that they should all be on the lookout for that. I blow a kiss to the camera and end the video. As I end the live a text notification pops up on my screen. 

Jack Harlow

still writing songs about me 

what happened to not talking to
each other 

you made that rule not me
I never agreed to that 

besides you were talking all that shit 
just so you could bring on random dudes
in the club

whatever jack. I saw the luv is dro
video. kinda wack to judge me when
you doing shit like that 

so you keeping up with what 
I post and writing songs about me?
you obviously miss me bruh 

why are in such denial 
its okay to have feelings for me

I don't want feelings jack. 

I put our conversation on silent and close the messages app. My stomach begins to do flips. I didn't think he would even notice me in the club last night. There were so many people and the room was so dark. Who was he to even say anything to me about last night? I could see him up there smiling and laughing with all those girls. He doesn't get to be mad at me. 

tiddiz4lyf: men make me sick. like who is he for judging me for dancing in the club when he putting some XXX shit on youtube?? the day after we call it quits?? and then he had a section full of randoms at the same club???? fuck a cigarette I need a black and mild. 

liked by datwayshawty and 4 others

strippaballa: bruh you 2 are so toxic 

datwayshawty: not to defend the whites but that video was filmed a brick ago and the release date been set

user1: if yall don't just kiss and make up

user2: no but you have a point

vivi.grants: all I need is my girls 👩‍👧‍👧

tagged: urbanwyatt

liked by druski and 293,489 others

druski: nubian princesses 

       megdelaluna: you make it so hard to defend you

urbanwyatt: my gf so fine 

       cash.cass: purr

user1: did something happen with you and jack

user2: bro she kept his friends in the break up that's how you know he fucked up 

       vivi.grants: y'all don't know anything about what happened with me and jack. we were never a couple and he didn't do anything 

user3: what happened with you and jack??

       vivi.grants: nothing happened and even if something did why do y'all feel entitled to my entire life. 

"Gen you good" Urban asks me as he looks up from his computer. He's editing a video he shot for me today for a music video. Cass is sitting next to him looking at me with a worried look. 

"Yeah I'm fine" I tell them with a forced smile. "Why?"

"Because you're arguing with twelve year olds on instagram" Drew says. Meg is sitting on his lap looking at her phone, no doubt watching me fight for my life in the comment section of my most recent post. 

"Gen, I know we already had this conversion but i think you and Jack need to talk this out. I refuse to watch my best friend pine over a girl that he thinks he cant have, and then watch the same girl try to force herself to act like she don't got feelings for him" Urban says. "He was so pressed about you dancing on some dude last night that we had to leave the club appearance early."

"His section was literally full of women last night but I can't dance with one guy?" I ask, slightly irritated. 

"They worked for the club. We didn't even know they were gonna be up there until we got there" Drew tells me, trying to take some of the heat off of Urban. "He's been all depressed about you telling him you just wanted to be friends we had to drag him to the event."

My face goes hot and I feel like I can't breath. The news that I've effected him this much is sending me into a panic. I excuse myself from the group and start heading to my room. I can hear my friends talking to their boyfriends about how they went about that wrong. I close my door and slide down to the floor. 

I called things quits with Jack to avoid us feeling heart broken in the future. Why does it feel like I'm more heart broken by this than I've ever been in my life. I look at the texts he sent after I put him on mute.

Jack Harlow

well i dont have anything to hide

I know I have feelings for you 

they arent going away just because
youre afraid to feel something for me

I sigh as I read the messages on my screen. I don't think that he and I could ever be friends. The idea of him looking at someone else the way he looks at me makes me sick to my stomach. I type out everything I need to say to him and I hit send.