Windows To The Heart

Make amends/Page 20

You lay awake staring at the ceiling, your mind racing with thoughts, you have no idea how much time has passed, but you finally realize something, something you should have realized from the very beginning. "This isn't right", you think, "God I was a real dick back there... what's happened to me, have I always been like this? I have to make it up to her!"

Getting up from your bed, you decide to apologize to her, you can't just leave things like this. You leave your room and upon entering the kitchen you see Maria, she has her back turned and she seems to be closing the sliding glass doors to the outside, you can also see she's holding a gas canister in one of her hands.

"Maria," you question, "what are you doing?"

Maria quickly turns around, attempting to hide the gas canister behind her.

"And what are you doing with that?", you point towards the obvious gas canister behind her.

Maria winces at your question, "Well I planned on filling it up tomorrow and didn't want to forget about it!" she awkwardly laughs at herself, "You know it's important to keep the outside generator filled up with gas, I mean you never know when a storm might knock out the power!"

There are another few seconds of silence before Maria speaks up once again, "Umm... is there something you needed?"

You squint your eyes and stare, but decide to let the weird exchange go, "I just wanted to apologize for the things I said and did earlier today. I was, admittedly, a real jackass"

Maria continues to stand by the door in silence, completely frozen like a statue.

"Listen," you continue, "I'm sorry alright, I don't know what came over me earlier, but that wasn't me"

"Then who was it?" Maria suddenly responds.

Slightly flustered by the question, you try and answer the best you can, "Well I- umm, I don't know, but I know it's not who I want to be, I just," you pause, "I've just been so frustrated recently, all this work constantly being piled on to me, I just wanted to be in control for once, I wanted something to be easy for once, I just wanted things to go my way for once, because life, Maria" you glance down at the floor, "it feels like it's just been kicking me over and over again recently..."

Maria continues to silently stand there.

"Come on, let's just make things like how they used to be, me and you, goofing around like old times, wouldn't you like that?", you ask.

"Yes..." Maria softly answers.

"Then why are you just frozen there?", you chuckle, "You look like you've seen a ghost"

"Because I know that's not possible"

Taken aback by this answer, you quickly ask, "What do you mean?"

"We're not kids anymore Lucas, we can't just pretend like nothing's changed like we haven't changed"

Starting to become frustrated once again, you say, "Was this because of the thing from earlier? I said I was sorry, I- 'll change I swear!"

"No, you won't," Maria affirms, "I use to think things could just go back to a simpler time as well, and I still want them to, but you helped me realize something Lucas, that dream is nothing but fiction"

Now offended, you ask, "What are you talking about, will you accept my apology or not?!"

"No..."

You're in complete shock, you can't believe that after you poured your heart out to her, she would just reject your apology like that, "all because of some mistake in the heat of the moment" you think.

"You know what Maria," you say, "you're right, some things have changed, but you were wrong about one thing, I haven't changed, only YOU'VE changed, so if you want to reject my apology, then go ahead, I don't care, but you'll be living in complete social isolation, because, at the end of the day, I'm the only person who ever gave a damn about you"

You stand there waiting for Maria to say something in return, but she simply looks down at the floor in silence.

"Fine, whatever", you stomp off "there's no use trying to please her anymore," you think. Walking away you hear her mutter something, but you don't even care what she said, you quickly make your way back into bed, but you end up barely sleeping at all, your night is restless, but eventually you do fall asleep.

You wake up the next day and feel awful about what happened last night, you lie in bed, thoughts of what happened still fresh in your mind, not knowing what else to do, you force yourself out of bed and into the hallway, cold air rushes over you, causing you to shiver temporarily. You look at the door to Maria's room, but decide not to bother her.

Upon making your way into the kitchen, you notice the front door is open. You casually walk over and close it, but are confused as to why it was open in the first place, this curiosity leads you exactly where you didn't want to go, right back to Maria's bedroom door. You hesitantly knock on the door. No answer. You knock a few more times to complete silence so you try to talk to her

"Hey Maria, did you leave the front door open?" you receive no answer, "listen, I know things are kinda awkward between us right now, but will you please open the door?", once again met with complete silence, frustrated, you throw your arms up into the air, "Fine! I'll just open the door!"

You swing the door open ready to lay into Maria for being such a screwup, but to your surprise, the room is completely empty of anyone else. With nothing else to do, you decide to check for her outside, "the front door was open, so maybe she's out there", you think. You end up looking all around the house, and by the cliff edge, but you find nothing, you even go down the driveway and into the road, but she was nowhere to be found. You re-enter your house and sit back down on one of the dining room chairs, defeated.

"She's just... gone"

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