Just One Night

14. There is No going back

THERE IS NO GOING BACK!

SARAH

__

I Look at the sleeping figure beside me roughly entangled into the sheets, a smile breaks out right before the fact hit me. I slept with an engaged man. Again.

I hear a sound from an unfamiliar phone.
I reach the bedside table and the message is right in front of me.

"Baby, I miss you. Hope you liked our yesterday evening together. I can't wait to see you tonight"

Some more messages pop in and replace the first one. Strangely his phone is unlocked. But I don't dare to look up to the other message from his fiancee. It will only break my heart.

I glance at Daniel again. I want to believe that he loved me but everything screams I am just a distraction from his reality. For a split even if it was true that he liked me one bit, I knew I can never be part of his life.

Looking at every member of his family, one could tell marriage was also an arranged business of convenience for them. They only fucked people of my background to forget.

My head starts to spin and even though I am lying on the bed, I feel I will just fall some more physically. Speaking metaphorically, Ii did fell or stoop too low for a decorum of a woman. Suddenly begin to curse me indiscriminately and stand up to find my clothes to hide the shame.

Even after dressing up, I felt butt naked. I am gonna live with a pang of guilt. As if fucking in the middle of that flowery arrangement wasn't enough that we took off to book a fuking hotel next. I give Daniel another look before I take off.

Heading out, I almost crash into a staff who greets me using my last name and asks if I need anything, I crumble my dignity some more. I am ashamed so I just look down and run away while the staff look at me in confusion.

What if this guy discloses our rendezvous to his going-to-be? Or to some newspaper?

A chill runs down my spine thinking of my name gloriously circulating this scandal. What was I thinking all these days?

I take a deep breath before walking again clutching my body as if it would make me feel clothed. Shame can be a too disastrous thing to befall you. You can only feel it but do shit about it.

Since I finished my degree, I had absorbed myself to stay at work and make a glorious career out of it keeping my love life aside since college. Nothing panned out.

I never felt this useless until now. Not even when I faced harsh criticism for standing for truth at work. Not even when I was given unnecessary work after getting veered away from major stories I gave my heart to. Never did I feel this low. I had hope. Hope to make it right.

A sense of loveless life to eternity can take a toll. And I am the victim now.

I know once I find a room to myself I will cry like never before. Even this thought is pathetic.

"Sarah."

I hear a loud breathy voice. I stop at the exit thinking it shouldn't be him. It can't be him but the only other man I am not ready to face at this moment.

Another seconds depart by and a hand touches my shoulder.  I turn reluctantly facing Tyler's smiling face. The face I adored. If we hadn't parted we would have been married by now. For a moment, I am diligent enough to ask him that. Another moment, I come back to my senses. I am going insane.

"What are you doing here?" He asks me.

I am speechless. As the memory of Daniel fucking my senses flash right before my eyes. I can't probably tell him what I have done. How shameless of me. On top of it, it was a Daniel Coaster. Man of a certain reputation.