Just One Night

24. Not enough.

Daniel

I thought I had it all sorted out until Derek burst my bubble.

I thought nothing bad could chase my courage away until Derek tossed those pros and cons.

I thought I will get the girl I want but Derek says I am simply terrible at it and so he had to ruin that at the last moment. Let's forget that for once, Alicia was cheating on me anyway.

But what if Derek finds out about Sarah? Mom. My mom can be truly evil if she finds out Sarah isn't a fling anymore and I want everything to do with Sarah.

It's so hard to not let the circumstances tether me. My mind has swirled into various scenarios to try and make the best out of it all and I find myself nowhere.

Somehow I made up my mind to come out honestly with Sarah but I am wavering seeing her I'm turmoil.

She has sensed my unrest. It's better though. It would have been difficult if she were smiling at me.

"Sarah," I say pulling her chair towards me. He hasn't touched her cupcake or her coffee.

She scoffs and holds the cup in her hand. She is just trying to occupy herself and not drink it.

"You are going to break my heart, Daniel." She says suddenly. I look at her dumbfounded. I cannot deny it.

"You are not going to break this engagement, aren't you?" She smiles painfully and licks her lips. Another painful laugh escapes her mouth.

I try to open my mouth and say something but I don't know how. She just stares at me and gazes at my reaction.

"Why did you give me hope? We didn't even last a day," she says. Her voice wavered and her threatening to betray her.

"Sarah." I hold her shoulder near her.

She moves away and glared at me, "Don't. Don't touch me, Daniel."

She keeps the cup down and adjusts herself before me. " what did you get? I distanced myself from you. You came to me. Why did you if you-"

She breaks and a streak of tears falls on her reddened cheek. Why she asks? Can't she see? A rage fills in me. I hold her arms tight. She fights against me but I hold her. I don't care if we are in public. Even though we are in the restaurant in a separate cabin, we are visible to outsiders.

" I want you. I desperately want you. But I can't stop this engagement. I am tied to it. Do you think I am enjoying a marriage with a woman who cheated on me with my best friend? Do you think I enjoy to do so what my family demands of me?" I hiss at her.

She stares at me with a horrid expression. She has tilted away from me in fear. When I notice it, I let her go and settle down.

"I am sorry about the aggression," I say and wait for her reply. She looks away and sighs.

"I know what you are feeling. I came to you with all that hopes, Yes. It was because when you left me that morning without a word, it felt awful. What we did mean something to me, it wasn't just a nightstand. I like your company. You treat me differently. " I say it and it comes out aggressively again.

"What do you want from me, Daniel? " she speaks in anger sending daggers towards me. At least she ha talking instead of taking off which she always does.

"You can't break this engagement. Yes, I want you to. I like you too. But where do I fit in this situation? Tell me what do you want from me?" She screams at me.

To be mine.

"I want you to wait for me," I say. A sudden guilt creep in before letting out what I am going to do.
 
One has to ask. One has to try.

I hold her hesitant hand. She lets me.
"while I marry Alicia and find my way out of this marriage. I will divorce her soon then we can be together." I say.

"Are you insane? Do you even hear yourself talking?" She says taking away her hands. She stands up and proceeds to leave.

I grab her hand. She glares at me and buffs in anger. She tries to speak but doesn't. I know what I am asking her but she should understand. Can't she wait for me if she loves me? Can't she trust me?

"You don't understand, Sarah. I can't just stop the engagement. It will cost me everything."

She faces me and swats off my hand.
"Marrying her will cost you my love. You have chosen her or whatever else you are talking about because that's what you love more. You ask me to wait for you? What will I be to you until you are married to her? How long will you ask me to wait?" She hisses at me. Her mouth was so close.

I couldn't answer her. How long?

She laughs sarcastically as she waits for me. I am speechless.

"You don't know how long, Daniel. It's one thing now causing you to marry, who knows what will be next stopping you from divorce? And I will be nothing but your whore who you will fuck at your pleasure. I can't be that woman. "

I gulp down at the end of her sentence. She is right, I don't know what will happen next. All I knew was I wanted her and would do everything to get her. I can't believe she will call herself that after all these beautiful nights we had.

"You aren't whore to me, Sarah. My reputation has been crooked but I am doing everything for us. Don't you love me?" I ask her.

"I love you, Daniel. But it doesn't mean I don't have self-respect. I am not doing that. I have let myself down so many times. Not now. I break up with you." She shrugs and looks at me.

"I respect you. I love you." I say.

"Do whatever you have to. Let's leave it to fate. I am not angry with you. I am just not comfortable with what you demand. I don't love you enough to do that. And if you can't let go of all that you are fighting, you don't love me enough too. It's a sign." She says and steps back. She leaves and doesn't look back. She wouldn't even try. Maybe we would have worked out a way to be respectful? There must be a way.

But again. Can I let it all go? My hard work? My name? No. She is right.

Maybe I don't love her enough.

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