#2: Strumming the Pain

Strumming 04

"Nasaan na ba si Epione? Namatay na phone ko, hindi tuloy ako nakapag-reply sa kanya."

I looked at Ariell who is now looking for her cousin. Tinago niya ang cellphone niya dahil hindi naman na niya 'yon magagamit. She was planning a sleepover since a while ago. I don't even know why she suddenly planned a sleepover.

"Baka nandoon 'yun sa likod. Mamaya na natin hanapin, bawal tayong umalis." Lizzie answered her. Ariell pouted like a child, but didn't say anything.

"Naiinip na 'ko. Bakit pa ba tayo nandito?" aniya.

"Hindi naman nila mapapansin kung aalis tayo." bored Salem said. It looks like she really want to go because of boredom.

"Gaga, nakabantay si Ma'am sa 'tin. Gusto niyo bang mapagalitan?" Kiel answered. He even pointed at the teacher who is now eyeing on us. Ariell cleared her throat and pretended to be listening.

At the end, they just decided to stay where we at and just look for Epione later. Sinubukan ko namang makinig sa nagsasalita sa harapan kahit na hindi naman talaga ako interesado.

When we found Epione, she was staring at the blank space. She's almost like a statue because she wasn't moving. It's like she saw a ghost and couldn't move. She snapped back to reality when Ariell talked to her. I looked at her weirdly but looks like she didn't notice it.

As usual, on our way out of the school, they were so loud that some of the students are already looking at our circle. I looked at Epione, Ariell, and Kiel because they were the loudest but they don't seem to mind that students were looking.

"Oh, sige na. Una na kami, ah? Ingat kayo!" Epione said, full of energy, while waving at us.

"Ingat din kayo." Lizzie answered with a smile. "Uuwi na rin kami ni Kiel. Ingat kayo pauwi, ha?"

"Ingat!" Kiel waved at us. I just nodded at them and gave them a small smile.

Bumuntong hininga ako nang makasakay na ako sa jeep. Tatlo pa lang ang pasahero kaya kailangan pa naming maghintay bago 'to umalis. I looked at the sky, stared at it because I find it pretty. I love how it changes color, I love how I feel like I can take things slow when I'm staring at it.

By staring at the massive sky, I realized how comforting it is to just stare at it and let your thoughts fly away. I somehow felt free, somehow okay.

The small smile on my face slowly faded when I remember that I'm going back to the house that won't ever feel home... ever again.

My heart feels heavy for some reasons. Funny how I can't understand how I feel anymore. Gulong-gulo na ako sa sarili ko, it's so hard to understand me. I feel like no one would ever understand me because I can't even understand myself. May isang tao bang makaka-intindi sa 'kin kung ako mismo ay hindi maintindihan ang sarili ko? I wonder. 

Hesitating, I slowly opened the main door of our house. I was wishing not to see my Dad or Tita Ina, I don't know if I can take the words I would hear from them. I saw Juliana when I turned my back after closing the door. She was staring at me, and looks like she wants to say something but I chose to ignore it. Without words, dumiretso ako sa kwarto ko. Hindi naman niya ako pinigilan.