#2: Strumming the Pain

Strumming 37

"Kapag mahal ka, hindi ka sasaktan... hindi ka iiwan. Kung mahal ka talaga niya, bakit siya aalis, 'di ba? Bakit niya hahayaan na masaktan ka kung totoong kapag nasasaktan ka, nasasaktan din siya?"

"Hindi naman sa lahat ng oras ay dapat manatili ka. Bakit ka mananatili kung hindi rin naman maganda ang magiging resulta sa huli? Why not leave while you still can?" sagot ko naman pabalik habang diretsong nakatingin sa mga mata niya.

"If you love the person, why can't you take the risk? If you love the person, you will stay. Even how hard it is, you will always choose to stay. Even if it's almost feel exhausting, you will keep on holding on. You will be each other's weaknesses, but also each other's strength. You love the person, why are you choosing to leave?" Kirk answered, looking at me like he was looking through my soul.

"Love is not all about staying... lalo na kung magulo ang sitwasyon. In a relationship, there are two people involved... which means there are two different point of views. Paano kung nasasaktan na 'yung isa kaya kailangan niyang lumayo muna? You can't judge that person who left kung ang alam mo lang ay 'yung point of view ng naiwan. You should now that in love, letting go is also an option... sometimes it was to save the both of you." sagot ko.

"Paano kung gusto ka niyang tulungan? Hindi mo man lang ba siya hahayaan na tulungan ka?" tanong niya. "Bakit ka aalis? What if it would work?"

"Sometimes you need to grow... apart from each other. You just can't keep on depending to the other person... I can't." I answered, looking at him seriously.

"Paano kung hindi siya nagpaalam? Bigla na lang siyang umalis nang walang dahilan... nang hindi nagsasabi?" he asked which made me stop. I just stared at him, ayaw lumabas ng mga salita sa bibig ko.

"And... cut! That's good, but that's not part of the script, Kirk!" dinig kong sabi ni direk kaya napunta sa kanya ang atensyon ko.

"Sorry po, direk." Kirk answered before clearing his throat.

Umiwas ako ng tingin, hindi ako makatingin sa mga mata niya. The atmosphere got heavier for some unknown reasons. Hindi ko alam kung dahil pare-parehas kaming pagod, kaninang madaling araw pa kasi kami nagsu-shoot o baka may ibang rason pa. I also can't understand Kirk, paiba-iba kasi ang mood niya mula kanina.

"Let's do another take." sabi sa amin ni direk kaya naman napunta sa kanya ang tingin namin.

Nang tumango kami kay bumalik na siya sa tapat ng monitor habang naghintay naman kami ng cue. Maganda naman ang kinalabasan ng clip kaya satisfied na ang direktor. Lumingon ako kay Kirk dahil kaagad siyang umalis. What's wrong with him? I mean, it's not like we grew closer while filming... It's just last few days, he already stopped being cold or sarcasm to me. Oh, well, minsan na lang.

I don't know if he was just being professional, and I don't know why I'm so bothered! Ano naman ngayon kung hindi niya ako pinapansin? It's not like pinapansin niya ako noon! We're not friends, after all. We're just co-workers! Yes, he's just an actor I'm working with! Bahala siya sa buhay niya.

"Cut! What's wrong with the both of you?! You two are so awkward!" sigaw sa amin ng direktor. Hawak-hawak pa niya ang ulo niya at bumuntong-hininga na parang stress na stress na siya sa amin.