#2: Strumming the Pain

Strumming 15

I didn't know how long we stared at each other, ako na ang umiwas ng tingin dahil hindi ko na nakayanan ang mga tingin niya— they were so intense. How could I possibly stare at him if he's staring at me like that? I heaved a sigh and looked at him, again.

"Five," I said with finality in my tone. "Five questions only, Kirk. No more–"

"Pero yes sa less?" he cut me off, laughing. "Five lang talaga?"

"Yes, why? Got a problem with that?" masungit na tanong ko sa kanya at inirapan pa siya.

He laughed. "Wala po, Miss Madam. Okay, start na. Magtatanong na ako, okay?"

"Just ask." masungit pa rin na sabi ko.

"Okay ka lang ba? 'Yung totoo, I want you to be honest with me." he asked, his tone became soft— it was like he's talking to a baby.

"What?!" I asked as I was caught off guard by his question. Hindi ko inaasahan na 'yun ang una niyang itatanong sa akin.

"Oh, ako 'yung nagtatanong, hindi ikaw." sagot naman niya sa 'kin kaya inirapan ko na naman siya dahilan para matawa siya. "So, Miss Beret, care to answer my question?"

"Am I okay? I don't know. Empty... I think that's the best word to describe what I feel right now." I answered then shrugged.

"Second, bakit ka umiiyak noong gabing tinawagan kita para sabihin sa 'yong nakuha ko ang number mo gamit ang kagalingan ko?" tanong pa niya, seryoso ang mukha niya pero natawa ako.

"I thought you wouldn't ask." I answered, looking away.

I saw how he pouted when I glanced at him. "Okay lang naman kung hindi mo sasabihin sa 'kin, ang isagot mo ay hindi ka kumportable. Maiintindihan ko naman 'yun, Miss Beret."

I shook my head. "I don't think you'll understand."

"Next question na lang." sabi naman niya at nagkibit-balikat pa.

I laughed. "My mom died a long ago, bata pa ako no'n. Months after she died, may inuwing babae si Daddy sa bahay— si Tita Ina."

"'Yun ba 'yung babaeng pumunta sa guidance bilang guardian mo?" he asked, he remembered it clearly. Tumango ako naman ako sa kanya.

"Bata pa ako no'n kaya hindi ko gaanong pinansin, akala ko kasi kaibigan lang siya ni Daddy. Of course, I'm more focus on my mom... I was missing her so much. It was so painful, hindi ko naman kasi inaasahan na mawawala na siya. Hanggang sa may inuwi na rin silang bata, my dad said... anak niya raw 'yun at girlfriend niya 'yung babaeng inuuwi niya. I asked that day... paano si Mommy? But I never got the answer because Dad acted like my mom was never there. I basically watched my father build a new family... leaving me behind, alone and lonely."

Huminga ako nang malalim at nagpilit ng ngiti. Sumandal ulit ako at tumingin sa malayo. Hindi ako lumingon sa kanya nang ipagpatuloy ko ang pagkukwento.