Haywire

chapter 5

They reached the car and she got in. He walked to the driver’s side and started the engine and drove off.

“Chicky.. kasi..” he began.

“What?! Ayan ka na naman eh! Magsastart ka tapos ‘di mo tatapusin?!” she said kind of irritated with the way things are right now.

“Mahirap talaga..” he said. Halatang hirap na hirap siya sa sasabihin niya.

“Bakit ba kasi? Ano ba yan? May sakit ka ba? Aalis ka na ba tapos sasabihin mo sakin na ‘di ka na babalik??” she said. Gusto na niyang matapos ‘to kaya inuunahan na niya si Joey.

But he was still silent..

“OMG! Don’t tell me.. MAMAMATAY KA NA!! NOOOOO!!!” she blurted out.

“Aish, hindi noh! Chicky?!”

“Sorry. I was just trying to lighten up the mood.” She apologized.

[yan nga nagustuhan ko sayo eh..] he thought.

“Stop it..” he blurted out.

“..Ok..”

“I.. I can’t tell you.. Okay? If I tell you, baka mawala friendship natin. 5 years din yun. I don’t want that to happen.” He said.

“Whatever it is, hindi ako mawawala sa tabi mo, okay? Nor our friendship, kaya nga, sabihin mo na!!”

“Haaaay. Ano ba yan?! Sige nga?! How can I tell you I love you without losing our friendship?!” nasabi na niya ang gusto niyang sabihin pero di niya napansin na nasabi na niya. After a while, it dawned on him.

“Ah..so yun pala ang problema mo?! Na you love me?!” she said kind of feeling happy.

“Ha? Hindi ah! As a best friend lang! Napa sobra lang siguro kaya naging ganun.” He said quickly making up an excuse. Nako! Nasabi na deny pa rin! Denial King! Now it’s Chicky’s turn to be silent. She was really hurt by what he said. Come to think of it. nasabi na niya pero dineny pa rin niya. Joey noticed her silence.

[sabi ko na nga ba eh. Goodbye Friendship that lasted for 5 years. Welcome Misery!] he thought bitterly.

“You know what? Don’t worry about it. Makakalimutan ko rin naman yun eh. And I know that I’m confusing you. So. Just forget about it. okay?” he said. Nasaktan si Chicky sa sinabi niya. Kahit nga mismo si Joey nasaktan eh.

“For 5 years..” she began quietly as her tears spilled.

“I know. I’m so sorry it turned out this way. Hindi ko naman ‘to inaasahan eh.” He said wanting to finish the talk.

“Joey..” she quietly said.

“We’re here na!” he said as he turned off the engine and got out of the car. He went straight for the door when Chicky grabbed his arm. Nagulat siya. [ambilis naman niya nakababa ng kotse!] he thought.

“Ayaw mo ko patapusin eh! Nakakainis naman ‘to!” wala na siyang magawa. Naiyak na siya ng tuluyan.

“What for?! Alam ko naman ang isasagot mo eh..”

“Joey! Please. Makinig ka muna..” she said still crying.

“Chicky. Tama na! Don’t make this hard for the both of us. Pinahihirapan mo lang yung sitwasyon!”

“Hindi ko pinahihrapan ito! Makinig ka muna kasi. Please?” she pleaded. Wala paring humpay sa kakaiyak.

“Chicky. I don’t want you to be hurt. Ayoko ring masaktan. It’s better if I won’t expect anything from you. Besides nakatagal nga ako ng 5 years na hindi ko sinasabi sayo eh.” He told her.

“Oo nga. 5 years of friendship. Hindi ko pwede makalimutan yun. Never. Pero Joey. Pwede ba makinig ka? Minsan naman sana marunong kang makinig!” she said building up the courage and letting the tears stop from falling down.

“No! You’re really making things worse.” He said sternly.

“Hindi mo alam —“

“Chicky stop it!” he cut her off and went inside their apartment. She followed him.

“JOEY! 5 years! Hindi ako nagsalita! Ayaw mo bang marinig kung anong sasabihin ko?!”

He stopped dead on his tracks and she got a chance to move closer to him.

“I’ve kept something in my life! From you. From everyone!”

He faced her and she continued. 

“Do you know how hard it is for me to keep this? Ha?! Joey I’ve loved you for 5 years. Alam ko na alam mo na masakit. Lalo na when you know na yung taong gusto mo is the same person who hurts you so much!”

“Chicky what are you..”

“I hid this from my heart and my mind. You know why? Because my mind tells me that you only look at me as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Just like you I was afraid to lose such great friendship that we’ve built for years.” She said wanting to cry again.

“Chicky..” he trailed off.

“Tapos may problema ka? Hindi ba pumasok sa utak mo, kahit once lang maging mayabang ka sa sarili mo and tell yourself wala ba talaga siyang feelings for me? Ako? Sobra. Sobrang yabang ko. Kasi umaasa ako eh.”

No words can express his feeling. He hugged her enough to feel his love for her. “Its all going to change now. I promise. We will be happier.”

She hugged him tight letting him feel her unspoken love for him.

“Pero.. Si Christian?” he said remembering that awful night.

“Si Christian? Dumating siya sa buhay ko and I thought na he can be a replacement for you. Aaminin ko I started to fall for him pero may Agatha diba?” she said feeling happy with the way things are going.

“I never thought na you have feelings for me. Kasi nung dumating si Chrristian I was starting to get over you. Pero nung nakita kita one night na tulala at nagsabi na mayroon siyang iba, instead of being happy, I felt sad. Kasi parang ginusto ko na masaktan ka. Ganon yung lumabas.” He said.

“Don’t blame yourself. Hindi naman ikaw may kasalanan eh.” 

“Hindi ko lang makalimutan.”