who i am - komahina

21

hajime's pov

the past few days have been weird. as badly as i want to tell nagito how i feel about him, i think its too early. all i want is to be with him but i dont want to rush things. as corny as it sounds, i actually want to go on cliché dates with him. let him hold me, tell him i love him... call him those cringy petnames.

of course i had chiaki to do those things with but... it was different at first. the relationship started out so nicely and then... i guess we fell out of love. i'll never regret being with her, though. she was the best girlfriend i could ask for.

thing is i don't want a girlfriend right now.

what i want is clear, clear to all my friends it seems. maybe he even knows. i hate overthinking, but does he feel the same way? he held my hand, didn't he? was it just an act of kindness?

deciding to ignore everything, i grab onto my penguin plushie — orange. i hold it closely as i pick up my phone, noticing the notifications i have from the groupchat.

shsl dumbasses 😎 + peko

kazuichi 🦈
what
the
fuck
did i just witness

fuyuhiko 👺
it better be a murder for you to be spamming us like that

kazuichi 🦈
NO ITS NOT A MURDER BUT OH MY GOD

chiaki 👾
...

kazuichi 🦈
DID I JUST SEE THE CHIAKI NANAMI HOLDING HANDS WITH THE SONIA NEVERMIND??

fuyuhiko 👺
this surprises no one.

peko ⚔️
good for them, they are an adorable couple.

nagito 🍀
they're dating??

me
this truly surprises no one.

fuyuhiko 👺
oh so ur alive now?

me
no

and with that, i turn off my phone.

im glad to see chiaki's moved on. really, they make an adorable couple. i just don't understand why i can't move on — or better said, ask nagito out. i've already moved on really, ever since the day i dreamt of nagito i knew. maybe i was just trying to deny it and look where it got me.

my thoughts are interrupted by loud knocking on my front door. i groan, reluctantly getting up. my hair is a mess but i don't attempt to fix it. as i open the door, i immediately speak.

"whoever it is, can you comeback later because—"

"hi hajime!"

oh no. oh god. oh fuck. why the fuck is nagito here? in my house? don't panic, hajime. you two are friends. friends can visit each other, it's totally normal.

"why are you here?" is all i asked. but i didn't want to, i wanted to ask more. i probably sounded too harsh, im sure nagito has good intentions.

"well... you've been acting differently for the past few days so i decided to come check on you." he gives a sincere smile, almost nervous. and i guessed correctly, he does have good intensions.

"nagito, i appreciate you coming to check on me but..." i sigh. "i don't really want to talk about—"

"no no! hajime, we don't have to talk about whatever is happening. we can just hang out! if thats okay?" his voice wavers a bit towards the end, he is nervous. why? being alone with me never made him nervous before.

"... okay. come in, then."

for the next hour, we talked about random things. at one point, i asked what shampoo he uses, because my god his hair is incredibly soft. fortunately, he never did ask what was wrong. we sat on my couch with a show playing in the background.

"so hajime, you don't have to answer but um.. how's the break up going?" at one point, he asks while hugging a cushion, eyes staring right at mine.

what the fuck kinda question is that. oh im fine, nagito, really. it was a mutual break-up. in fact im actually in love with you! i can't say that.

"well, uh, im fine. im really happy for chiaki." i nod as i speak, all too awkward. he smiles for a moment and nods with me. he then asks; "wanna watch a movie? you can pick."

i nod.

i don't know how we ended up so close together. i mean, he was leaning his head on my shoulder and my head was resting on his. thing is — he was asleep. i couldn't move, obviously i didn't want to wake him. so i decided to stay there, with him.

at one point, i hear him sigh and cuddle closer now into my chest. my heart feels like its about to explode. with a smile on my face, i drift off with only one person on my mind.

—
so. basically i was in the mood for fluff... here we are. the last bit was honestly a bonus. enjoy ur food! not proof read

edit; omg y'all should follow my instagram .. chishiyalovemail