Julie and the phantoms visuals, imagines and preferences

•MISCARRIAGE // NICK•

Nick and I had been married for about 3 years now, and after his band decided to take a long awaited break, we had a lot more time to ourselves, meaning that we could finally live out our dreams of traveling the world, without worrying about showing up for a concert later in the day.

Even though I had found everything I could ever want when I was with Nick, I think it was clear to us both that there was something missing, and unfortunately we couldn't put our finger on what we were missing out.

Every few months we would take little breaks from our adventures, usually around the time where a lot of birthdays were taking place, and this meant we had a lot more time with our huge family. We were always welcomed at Nick's parents house, but after seeing his family being so happy with one another, it felt like Nick and I were out of place, even if we weren't.

It took a few days of thinking long and hard to realize what we needed, but after the idea popped into my head, it seemed so blatantly obvious. I ended up bringing up the idea of having a baby with Nick, and he was beyond excited to finally start trying to expand our family.

Because we had never really tried to have a baby before, we didn't know if we would be successful within the first few months, but low and behold, we ended up getting pregnant only three months after deciding we decided we wanted a family. It was even more exciting when we told our families. Secretly our families had been waiting for us to have children, but nobody ever brought it up, but now that we were going to be parents, our families didn't hesitate to tell us how long they've waited.

Unfortunately for us, our pregnancy didn't go as we had hoped.

I was only about two months pregnant when Something inside of me, told me that I needed to be checked up. I made an appointment on a day that Nick was hanging out with Julie and the boys, just so he wouldn't worry, and made sure to keep myself healthy and prepared for the questions that the doctor would ask.

The first shock of that appointment was waiting almost 10 minutes for the doctor to find the baby. He said that it was obviously hiding away from us, but something told me that he knew more then he was letting on.

Eventually he let out a sigh and put the wand on the small table next to the sonogram machine.

"I couldn't find a heartbeat." He said simply, "this usually means that you have undergone a miscarriage, I truly am sorry." He got up, handed me some tissues to wipe off the gel on my stomach, and walked out, leaving me alone to almost completely break down, although I couldn't find it in me to shed a single tear.

Those very powerful words, were my sign that I just wasn't meant to be a mother. Nick was so desperate to be a father, and I couldn't give that to him.

I walked to my car, after talking a little more with the doctor, and made my way home. I kept music on, trying to distract myself as much as I could, knowing that I would have to break the news to Nick very soon.

I walked into the house, expecting to be left alone for the next few hours, but was surprised with Nick sitting on our couch playing a video game. As soon as I closed the door, he got up and made his way to me - ready to fulfill his daily tradition of saying hello to me and the baby.

He gave me a quick kiss, before bending down and pressing his lips to my stomach.

That's when I finally broke.

I knew that He would catch on pretty quickly as to why I was crying, after all I had voiced concerns of miscarriages before we started trying officially.

When he finally realized what was happening, he got off the floor and pulled me into a much needed hug.

"We'll be okay, don't worry." He whispered repeatedly as he stroked my hair.

I knew that in the future we would be okay, but right now, it hurt more then I thought it ever could.