There's Something Happening - Digital Time Fanfic

Chapter 13: I Want You

Colin's perspective: I laid awake in my bed. I heard the sound of Tony sobbing in his room, as he did every night. I had wasted enough time today. I had to know what happened at that party. 

The next morning, I went out to the living room. The whole room was filled with boxes.

"What's going on?" I asked, still a little sleepily.

"We're decorating for Christmas!" Lars smiled. He was crouching down next to a big box of Christmas tree ornaments. 

"Where's the tree then?" I asked.

"Paige, Steve and Veg went to cut one down. They'll be back any minute now," Shrignold joined in. I looked around. The whole room was shining with decorations, except for one corner, which I assumed they would put the tree in.

The three suddenly busted through the door. Paige had a big pink tree stuffed under her arm.

"I thought you were gonna get a real tree!" Shrignold grouched.

"It is a real tree! I just spray painted it pink!" Paige said joyfully. Shrignold face-palmed himself.

"Everybody knows that pink isn't a Christmas colour," he muttered.

"Well, it's better than green, so that's that," Paige pouted.

"Where'd you get this tree anyways?" I asked.

"We got it in the park!" Veg exclaimed.

"Isn't that illegal?" Shrignold asked.

"Illegal is our middle name," Steve said, wrapping an arm around Veg.

They set it up in the empty corner and everyone began placing ornaments on it. I realized that Tony wasn't up yet. I went to go look for him.

I walked into his doorway and saw him, sitting on the floor with the vase of flowers. He was writing something in a little journal. I accidentally stepped on a creaky floor board and startled him. He jerked his head up and noticed me watching him through the tiny space in the door. He slammed his journal shut and threw it across the floor, his face flushed red. He caught me.

"O-o-oh, good morning, Colin! Why are you, erm... why are you watching me?" He stumbled.

"I was just about to wake you up! I didn't know you were already awake," I said in a hurried panic. "What were you writing in that journal?"

"Er.. you wouldn't c-care. It's n-n-nothing important," he laughed tensely. I looked him up and down. His hands were trembling. He was hiding something from me. I knew it. 

"Tony, if there's anything you want to tell me, just tell me. I won't judge," I said. He ran his hand through his hair.

"I don't h-h-have anything to t-tell you," he said. He tried to close the door but I held it open.

"Tony. Please, don't mess with me."

"I- I'm not-"

"What happened at the party, Tony?"

He looked into my eyes, as if he wanted to say something but he was too afraid to do it. He swallowed in a breath and gave in.

"You... you pinned me against the wall and you-"

He stopped. He was crying now. I felt guilt boil inside me, but also I longed to know more.

"You told me that I was your one true desire. And that you got weak at the thought of me. And you told me I was the only thing you could think about," he told me between hiccups and sniffs. He wiped the tears from his eyes. "And you kissed me." 

I was shocked. Why the FUCK would I kiss Tony?! I hated kissing. Touching was disgusting itself, but kissing? I'm not able to do something like that. That virus really took a hell of a toll on me. I couldn't possibly imagine the horror that Tony must've experienced when I kissed him. The poor guy was probably having a panic attack. I would've had one too if I kissed myself. I didn't know what to say.

"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want things to be uncomfortable with us," he weeped. I couldn't stand seeing him like this. I wanted him to stop crying. I wanted to do something to help. But I couldn't. 

"Uh.. I didn't know it was that complicated."

"It's fine, Colin. I know this probably doesn't matter at all to you, so we can just let it go."

"No! It does matter to me. This is obviously something that's bothering you.. and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. So if you want me to-"

"Colin, I don't want anymore lies. I don't want anything unless it's real. If you don't have feelings for me, then you simply don't have feelings for me. I can't change that and neither can you."

"Tony, please-"

"No, I've had it with this bullshit. Goodbye, Colin."

He closed the door. And with that, my absent heart shattered. 

Tony's perspective: I finally did it. I finally let it all out. I thought it would take the weight off of me... but it only made things worse. I slid to the ground, back pressed to my door. It became hard to see as my tears clouded my eyes. With my two fists crossed over my chest, I let out a loud wail. This was it. The pinnacle of my grief. I heard Colin urgently knocking on the door I was sitting against. 

"I'm sorry, Tony! Please let me in! I wanna work this out! I don't want you to cry! I- I-"

I noticed the sound of him dropping onto the floor. His head fell back and hit the door, sending vibrations through my body. We were now back to back, with only the door between us.

"Tony, I want..." he began. His voice quavered off. "I... want... you."

I couldn't answer him. I didn't have it in me. I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe. My once loud sobs had become so quiet; Colin probably didn't even think I was still there. I sat there in the silence. Things would never be the same again. What have I done?

I stayed in my room all day. I felt like an idiot. Colin hates me now! I tried to think in the most positive way I could. If I didn't shut him down, he'd be faking love for me, and I wouldn't want him to fake his love. He had already done that once with the virus in his brain and I didn't want to go through that again. Although it was nice, having someone care about me so much... no. It wasn't real love, Tony. Get that through your thick fucking head. But.. it was real love for me. I learned to admire Colin for his crazy gestures of passion. I learned that he had more inside of him than just gears. He was a real human being, with real emotions. But the love we had for that short period of time was nothing but a virus, spitting out lies through Colin's mouth. 

And now, the love we had was gone.

Forever.