The Will To

T E N (cat cadaver)

Nola's foot was propped on her chair as she held a mug of coffee at her lips, staring at her laptop screen. Our apartment was small and the kitchen was cramped; it barely contained our small dining table. I took a seat across from her and said, "What would you do if you spilled coffee on your precious laptop?"

Nola sipped her coffee. "Don't even joke about that."

"Why?"

"Because you'd have to organize a funeral and bury me."

"Then why even risk it?" I asked.

"Life's fun with a little risk." She took another drink and, with her free hand, clicked on her laptop's touchpad before snapping the screen shut. "Speaking of, how's Project Reid?"

"Still in the beginning phase."

"Mmmm," she hummed. "He does know your name, doesn't he?"

Leaning back in my chair, I said, "From what I understand, it doesn't really matter if he knows my name or not."

Nola lifted her eyes into her dark fringe. "Well, considering you're trying to make him care for you and not just sleep with him, I'm assuming step one would be making sure he knows your name."

"He knows who I am," I stated. "He stopped me leaving class one day last week and asked if I'd be at a party that weekend."

"Well, that's progress." Nola lowered her mug, bit her lip, and said tentatively, "You really sure it's a good idea, Will?"

"Yeah. I think it's a great idea," I insisted. "What's with the sudden doubt? You were on board when I first told you."

Nola sighed. "I know, I know. I've just been... Okay, look, you only get one first time, Will. That's it. I'm not saying it has to be perfect or romantic or whatever, but it should be with someone who cares about you."

I snatched her cup of coffee and took a drink. "I don't care about that."

Nola pursed her mouth. "You don't right now, but that might change afterwards. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not going to tell you who your first time should be with, but, as a friend and sister from another mister, I feel obligated to tell you that this might not be the best plan."

"Your first time was with a guy you met at a party in high school."

"Yeah, and that was my decision. It felt right at the moment, but, honestly, I kind of regretted it the next morning."

"Well, this is my decision. I want to have sex with Reid."

"You want to have sex with Reid to get revenge on something he had nothing to do with."

"He sleeps with tons of girls like it's nothing. It's disgusting, and no one even cares," I said adamantly. "Whereas I've been slut-shamed since I stepped foot on this campus and have slept with no one."

"I know, Will," Nola said. "I know. All I'm saying is that I'm not sure if it's going to make you feel better."

"I don't want to feel better. I want to take Reid down and show him what it's like. I want to take something from him that he can never get back."

"Will, what happened to you was..." Nola trailed with her blue eyes gloomy, matching her frown. I knew she was analyzing my past, everything that had led me to this point. She was my closest friend, but despite that closeness, I still felt exposed. I took another sip of luke-warm coffee as she said, "Okay, I get it. I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't."

Nola tapped her fingers along the top of her laptop as a few moments of silence passed between us. I polished off her coffee, feeling the caffeine kick in quickly.