The Will To

T H I R T Y - F I V E (about the kiss)

I ran into Rey the following day as we entered the Criminal Psychology lecture hall. He grinned and scratched his ear, stammering something that made no sense out loud but that I understood. He was nervous, and the events of the studio were loud and clear around us. I knew this, because I felt the same way.

Offering him a soft smile as he held the door, we entered the lecture hall and sat beside each other, my eyes sneaking glances at him every chance they were given.

We hadn't spoken since I'd dropped him off, but I could still feel his lips on mine nearly twenty-four hours later. It made it hard to think of anything else, and I realized the tingling intensified when he was beside me. I brushed my fingers over my mouth. The tingling didn't fade.

Rey prevailed over my thoughts. I went to bed and woke up with him on my mind, as if I'd somehow been thinking of him while sleeping. It pulled me from bed like a balloon was lifting me, and when I ran into Nola in the kitchen as she sipped her coffee, she demanded to know the reason behind both my uncharacteristic grin and late morning slumber. I told her. Everything came out easily. I'd never felt inclined to share anything so personal, not that I'd ever been in a similar situation, but as I told Nola that I had feelings for Rey and had acted on them, I felt good. It made everything feel real. Nola sat with a calculating smile edged into mouth for a few moments following my admission, before she exhaled, "Finally."

Despite myself, I chuckled and joined her at the table, and we shared the morning drinking coffee and discussing the kiss in fine detail. It made me want another.

However, I did wonder what was to follow for Rey and me. Everything had changed, and I knew there was no going back. Not that I wanted to. What I wanted was to move forward, but the question was: where was forward? I'd only kissed a handful of people. I'd never been in a relationship. I'd never had such strong feelings for another person. It was new territory, and I wondered if Rey had been here before. I wondered if he was contemplating all the unknowns as I was.

Class wore on, and I was entirely oblivious to the topic of Higgins' lecture, too wrapped inside my thoughts and feelings for Rey. My eyes darted to him frequently, and each time he caught me looking, more anticipation stacked between us. I didn't know how I was going to stand from my chair after class.

Somehow, I found my feet when Higgins dismissed us. After packing up my belongings, Rey and I shared a look before entering the aisle, my chest erupting in a ripple of nerves. The entire way down I contemplated when I had turned into this giddy, half-grinning version of myself, but ceased to care the second Rey said, "Too good to take notes today?" when we reached the end of the stairs.

"I don't need to take notes."

"Yeah. I know that's not true. You usually write down what Higgins says verbatim."

Narrowing my eyes, I stopped in my tracks. "And how would you know that?"

Rey swung towards me and stated, "I'm usually the one who's constantly looking your way in class." He grimaced, having realized what he'd just admitted to, and I loved how uncomfortable he looked.

Students were filtering towards the exit, weaving around us. The nerves returned and they urged the next words from my mouth, "So you look at me in class, huh?"

Rey shuffled, "Uh, I mean, not creepily or anything. Just—you know"—he coughed, raking a hand through his hair—"you're pretty." A laugh jumped from his mouth as he shut his eyes. "Yeah, okay, I'm gonna shut up now."

My chest seized again, and a grin tugged at my lips. I thought of us inside the studio—Rey's touch, his smell, the way his lips felt on mine, how my fingers buzzed when they touched him...