The Will To

T W E N T Y - S E V E N (burning desire)

With the holiday break quickly approaching, the news of the most recent rape filtered through campus like it was almost unreal, a strange story that people whispered about but couldn't quite believe. The entire student population seemed like one big family at a holiday party, and we were all surviving by carrying on and ignoring it like it was the dark family secret. The season was supposed to be light and happy, and something as horrendous as rape couldn't possibly be allowed to ruin it.

As Dan had stated, another warning was issued by both the campus and county police departments, with the emphasis placed on avoiding Greek parties. When I'd seen the statement on my phone, I'd been elated; however, the elation was quick to subside when I realized that the parties continued the following weekend.

It seemed that disregarding the incident was how people dealt with it. The rape was a dark secret, and we weren't allowed to talk about it for fear of putting a damper on the holiday spirit and party atmosphere.

So, miserable and still filled with rage when I saw that the parties were still occurring, I did what I did best: watched out for those who didn't think they could possibly be the next victim. Though, I was pleased when the most eventful moment of my night was when, after she'd insulted Freida, the dress I'd been wearing, I'd shot Cassidy McCready both my middle fingers.

Rey, Danica, and I had met in the library once more and pooled together more of what we'd been working on. The project was coming together, though something about it still seemed off. Whether it was the continuous thoughts of the rapes or my faulty intuition, I felt that it needed more. When it was submitted in February to Professor Higgins, I wanted him to be pleased with how it turned out, but further, so did I. We were meeting once more before the holiday break and I told myself I'd revisit these feelings then. But for now, I was also looking forward to meeting, as Rey and I had made a habit of staying afterwards.

Criminal Psychology just let out. Rey and I had been sitting next to each other in class and walked down the aisle stairs. When we passed by Reid's desk, he raised a hand and I raised mine in response. The last time we'd spoken had been Zaatar's before Thanksgiving break, where I'd angrily stormed out of the restaurant. Though I had trace amounts of patience, I did have control, and I felt like it'd been slipping in recent weeks. I reminded myself that I was on a mission, and it was necessary to look beyond Reid's obvious flaws for the sake of that mission. More of an effort was needed on my part.

And tomorrow I would refocus my efforts. Today, however, I was in the mood for one thing and one thing only: Talia's self defense class.

"You ever wonder about Higgins? Like, what's he's like in his off-time?" Rey asked me as we stepped through the exit of the lecture hall.

"Are you under the impression that he's wildly different than he is in class?"

"No," he responded. "Well, maybe. I don't know—sometimes he gets this look in his eyes when he's talking about a serial killer or some super corrupt person, and I get the feeling that he's super into it."

"Yeah. He was in the FBI, Rey. Of course he's into all that."

"I know, but he comes off as this super chill person in class, and, I mean, he can't be that chill, can he?" Rey asked as we rounded the corner of the main hallway. "Like you said, he worked for the FBI, and considering how intense you are as a plebe, I can only assume that he's got this intense side to him."

I stopped in my tracks. "I am not a plebe."

"Well, not yet," Rey said, eyes bright. "You do have to get into the FBI internship program to be considered a plebe."

Opening my mouth, I said, "Wow. Are you smack-talking me?"

"Hardly. I'm just saying it how it is." He held a straight face long enough for me to irritably swat at him before he burst into a laugh, his smile crinkling the space around his nose. My hand tingled where it'd collided with his shoulder but not in a way that made me want to withdraw. I grazed over it with my other hand.

"I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine," Rey said, still smiling.

"When have I ever smack-talked you?"

Rey widened his eyes. "You serious? How about every day for the last two months. If I recall, you openly said that you didn't think anything of me."

We reached the building doors and stepped outside. It was mid afternoon and the sun was slowly sinking into the hilled horizon, but its rays cradled campus and warmed my skin.

"Well, the jokes on you for continuing to seek me out at all those parties then," I said. "It's your own damn fault. Don't blame me for being a sucker for my fiery personality."

Rey erupted in another laugh as we walked down the stone stairs, and I couldn't help but like the sound. I enjoyed making him laugh.

"You know I was kidding about the FBI thing. Obviously, you'll get the internship," Rey said. "Personally, I think everyone else is afraid to even try."

I twisted my mouth and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"What does any of this have to do with Higgins being different at home than class?" I asked, mainly because my hand still tingled and I was dangerously close to smiling.

"Oh," Rey started. "Oh, yeah, right. Got side-tracked there." He chuckled to himself. "Just wondering if you think he's super intense at home is all. You know, with that FBI background."

"Yeah, he probably has black walls and a torture chamber."

"Makes sense," Rey agreed, and, after a small but powerful silence, he asked in a voice that sounded less confident, "Hey, um, you want to get something to eat? Grab an early dinner? There's a place just off campus—Zaatar's. Been there a few times. It's pretty good."

I lifted my wrist and glanced at my watch, suddenly realizing I was behind schedule.

"Can't," I said. "I'm late."

"Oh, yeah, that's cool." Rey ran a hand through his hair. "Wait, late for what?"

Another realization struck me: I'd promised Talia I'd try to bring a male friend to class as we'd been lacking in volunteers to help practice certain moves. So, ruling that it sounded like a good idea at the moment, I decided to bring my only male friend.

"Hey," I said as Rey as we reached the parking lot. "You ever had the burning desire to take a self defense class?"

"Uh, not particularly."

"Are you free for the next couple of hours?" 

xxx