The Will To

N I N E T E E N (gravity)

"Will? I was on patrol and got a call. What happened?" Dan asked beside me.

I couldn't answer. My lungs ached. Words were impossible. All I had was the pent up emotion that I'd rid myself of, only to have it return. I wanted it gone.

"Come on, Will, talk to me."

People were flocking outside the frat house. They lined the porch and started seeping down the stairs and spreading across the lawn, surrounding me but keeping their distance, like I wielded some force field. People from neighboring Greek houses began piling outside too. I couldn't breathe.

"Will, I—"

"She was verbally attacked and defended herself."

Dan glanced upwards and behind me. I didn't move. The voice was familiar and comforting, and I felt less alienated and exposed on the lawn recalling that Rey was behind me.

Dan scratched his thick neck and pointed a finger. "You're that kid—the kid from last time. In the alley." Rey must have made some indication that Dan had remembered correctly, as Dan continued, "What happened?"

"I just told you," Rey asserted.

Sighing, Dan thumbed over his brows as if he were sweating in freezing weather. He glanced around the lawn which was now at max occupancy and called, "Alright, everyone underage better head home! Right now, go on! Everyone else, head inside. Party's over." He waited and no one moved. "GO!"

Slowly, people peeled themselves from the scene, dispersing down the street and back into their houses. Many of the windows displayed curious faces still watching over the lawn. I continued sitting on the damp, cold ground. My tears had subsided but my eyes still burned.

Dan kneeled beside me again. "Alright, Will. Let's head over to the car, okay?" He extended his hand, but I didn't take it. Stumbling, I made it to my feet and followed after him. Rey walked behind me, and when I reached the car, I turned to find him. His expression softened when he met my gaze, the blue and red lights igniting his face. Dan rounded the car and extinguished the lights.

Rey was motionless.

"First thing, are you okay, Will?" Dan asked and I could only nod. "Did you... Did you hit someone with pepper spray?"

I sunk my chin towards the ground.

"Alright. I'm gonna need to take your statement first." Dan turned to Rey. "I'll get yours next. And," he added gruffly, "where's the person your pepper sprayed?"

"He's probably still in the fetal position inside the house," Rey rasped bitterly.

"Right," Dan said and hesitated, his hand wavering over his walkie. "I have to call this in, Will. Okay? I have to."

I knew that he had too. When I didn't interject, Dan lifted the walkie to his mouth, stated a code, and asked for backup. I felt deflated but not enough to feel empty of the emotion I was eager to rid myself of. It still lingered, like it belonged to me.

Like I belonged to it.

The door of the frat house burst open, causing all three of us to snap in the direction. The guy I'd sprayed was ambling down the stairs, still rubbing his eyes. They were visibly swollen and red, even from a distance.

"Stay here, alright?" Dan instructed me.

I nodded and he departed, walking straight towards the guy who was hurtling accusations at me from across the lawn. They were all true. Each and every one of them. I attacked him. I was a bitch. I was a slut. All of those things were universally accepted as truth by everyone who'd ever heard my name.