The Will To

F O R T Y - T W O (future)

I was taken to the hospital. The white walls and fluorescent lights were blinding. My eyes watered, and before I could comprehend what was happening, I was dressed in a hospital gown, tucked underneath the thin covers of bedding while inside a patient room.

Questions. So many of them. I'd been asked by countless different people to recount what had happened. I talked, unsure of what came out of my mouth. But it all came out. Everything. I held nothing back and hoped whoever heard it could make sense of what I'd said.

Many people had entered my room. Dan. Officer Nolte. Doctors. Nurses. People I didn't recognize. They all blended together, but they collectively had my story. I answered every question they asked. I let them conduct their examinations. I let them assure me that everything was going to be okay.

Dan was the last person to see me. He didn't say much, and the little he did say traveled right through me. What I did hang on to was one thing: Higgins had been caught. He was currently being held and questioned. After placing a thick hand on my shoulder, Dan muttered something in a fragile voice and departed my room. I sank into the covers.

Darkness prevailed outside, seen through the single window. It wanted in, but it couldn't enter my room. The brightness kept it at a distance. All of what I carried around for so long couldn't reach me here. I'd let everything go; it wasn't mine anymore. My control was gone but I didn't mind, because it meant I was finally safe. None of it could reach me here.

The thought brought me a comfort that allowed my eyelids to droop, and I drifted into a deep sleep, unperturbed by even the slightest noise in my newfound safety. The darkness was present, it might always be, but it lacked the power to grasp me anymore.

X

Light spilled around me. Warm light. The blankets covering me were smooth and soft. Prying open my eyes, I rubbed the sleep away and absorbed my unfamiliar surroundings. It wasn't my bedroom, but the sight didn't startle me. The hospital room was clean and empty, apart from medical equipment, only a table and chair were placed inside. Morning rays danced around the space, indicating that I'd made it through the night.

Shimmying upwards, I turned to the other side and noticed I wasn't alone. As soon as I placed my eyes on her, Nola began to stir. Eyes fluttering open, the grogginess in her expression was awoken with concern as she lunged towards me, gripping onto the edge of my bed.

"Will," she murmured. "I was so—so... I came as soon as I found out what happened. Dan called me—told me that you... that you..." Sniffling, Nola swiped her eyes. "Will, I'm so—I'm so sorry." She dipped her head. "I was so, so scared."

"It's okay," I assured her, wearily. "I'm fine."

She shook her head. "No. It's not fine, Will. You were attacked. Again. And it's not fine. It's not because I should have..." she sighed. "When Dan told me what happened, I thought you were right. It thought it was Reid like you'd said, and I hated myself for not making you call him—for not calling Dan myself." Licking her lips, she added, "But then I found out... Higgins? It was Higgins this entire time?"

His name caused the black wolf mask to appear, but it didn't command my senses. For the first time, I wasn't terrified of it. The fact that Higgins was the campus rapist—the same who'd attacked me during my freshman year—was shocking. The news must have been running amok throughout the university. I was still having a hard time believing it.

There was a certain guilt that persisted even in the safety of new surroundings. I wondered how I'd missed it, how I hadn't seen the signs. Higgins had fooled me. I'd been blinded by his prestige and intelligence, wanting only for him to take notice of me and assist with paving the road for my career with the FBI. All the subtle signs that I prided my sharp awareness on were missed; I'd overlooked them because I took Higgins at face value.