✍🏻 Bonds of Fear (Loki)

4 - Chaos

Feer

Bruce and I were on the roof of the Stark tower, sitting in the grass of a garden Tony created for Banner to meditate, and I felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest as I darted up on my feet.

"THE Loki?!!" I cried out in ecstasy, unable to contain my surprise, "the horny one?!!"

"Eh?" Bruce quirked his eyebrow and I quickly pointed to my head.

"I meant the silly helmet, Hulkie," I clarified, asking once more just to make sure, "the one who is burdened with GLORIOUS purpose?!" I tried to make it come out in a deep voice with a manicky twist and my arms raised, receiving yet another raised eyebrow in response.

"Please don't underestimate him, Fee," he let out with a tired sigh, as usual pretending the 'r' in my name was silent. It wasn't. But most of my colleagues didn't like pronouncing it the way it should be.

"He keeps cheating death, is a master manipulator, powerful, extraterrestrial GOD...The last thing I'm gonna do is to underestimate him."

"Or admire him."

Too late, Hulkie.

"So is that what everybody is so worried about?" I asked, sitting back down next to him on the grass, clenching it in my fingers with excitement, "that I'll want to join his cause to conquer the worlds?"

"Not literally," he said warily, "we're just worried that his....philosophy....might be too close to your alter ego." I rolled my eyes and inhaled just about to say something when he let out a shallow sigh. "You know, we're the same, Fee," he said gently and I exhaled, already disagreeing but feeling it was something important to him, I kept my mouth shut and fell back on the grass, "we both have two people living in one body. Mine comes out when I get angry, turning me into a hot-blooded killer. And yours comes out when you drain yourself of all your emotions, turning into a cold-blooded executioner. I just want to make sure you know what risks you're taking by being near him and not letting your...other side...get the better of you."

"You know what's your problem, Bruce?" I asked, still lying in the grass and staring at the bright sky, "that you don't like yourself enough. Hiding behind the Jekyll and Hyde analogy. But there's no duality in this world. Nothing is black and white. No silly yin and yang. There're parts of Hulk in Bruce and there's Bruce in Hulk." I got up, brushed off the dirt from my jeans, and looked down on his solemn face, "the world is chaos. Beautiful. Brutal. Chaos. And the sooner you accept it the better your life will be. Stop fighting what you are and embrace it."

He slowly shook his head in disagreement and having nothing more to say, I turned and headed for the elevator.

It was time to meet The God of Chaos himself.

****

I went down to my apartment and changed to skinny black jeans, adding a simple, white, button-up shirt, its length going all the way below my bottom. I spun in front of the mirror, grabbed a book I was reading, and gingerly headed out, ready to learn from the best in the field. I swung the door of my apartment open and there was no other than Tony, sporting an equally somber face just as Bruce was several minutes ago.

Can't you just all give me a break? I have a lesson to get to.

"Marbles," he said softly, shooting me a weak smile, "are you on the way to him?"

"Yup."

"Alright, I'll walk you there." I bit down any sarcastic comments, also from him feeling the same need to share something with me. Anxiety and caring. "You know," he said quietly on our way to the elevator, "I sometimes see my younger self in you, before I met Pepper, I also kicked just for my team and didn't care about anyone else."