✍🏻 Bonds of Fear (Loki)

5 - Underestimated

Feer

I was lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to make sense of the previous day.
Of Loki.
He was so much more complex than anyone I've ever met, having dozens of emotions tangled up within him, each fighting for dominance over the other, yet he was suppressing them all.
Consciously. He knew very well about their existence but didn't want to confront what they represent.
Possibly that was the reason why he wanted to have a conversation with somebody - not to be alone, locked in a room where it was harder to ignore what he felt.

The one emotion he was pushing away the hardest was sadness. But not a melancholic one that is ever-present, but rather sudden waves of unexpected grief that were spiking within him, and anytime they reached a certain level he immediately pushed them back.
The only thing I could think of was the death of Odin. Until now, it was not something I would consider - always believing those two were never close, at least from what I've heard, but his death was the only explanation.

Thor was going through exactly the same grief, even though the whole evening he was trying to act as if everything was fine. Talking about the Allfather being now in Valhalla, meeting his long-lost friends who joined him in battle thousands of years ago.
He even had a special wine brought from Asgard to toast to his father but we all dismissed it, too cautious about drinking an alien liquor.
When he was completely wasted, finding it harder and harder to push away tears, he wanted Loki to join us, which given his state we all opted against.
And so he only had one of the bottles sent to his room and I now wondered if Loki solved his grief the same way his brother did.
Getting drunk beyond recognition.

I stifled a yawn and got up, dragged myself into the bathroom, and half an hour later I was leaving my apartment, ready to find out more about him.
Or rather in what state he was.

To my luck, I noticed the boy who was tasked with delivering him the special wine and did not come back since then.
I hurried after him and when I grabbed his arm he jumped up in surprise, a wave of fear coming over him when he realized who I was.

"Got a minute boy?" he was new among the guards or maybe somebody's assistant, I was not sure, "what is your name?"

"P-Peter," he squeaked, immediately clearing his throat in an attempt to sound more masculine the next time he speaks.

"Well, hello Peter," I said with a broad smile, "I assume you know who I am?"

Nod.

"So there is no point in lying to me?"

Nod.

"Good," I said, my smile widening, "now that we have that out of the way, how was Loki when you brought him the wine?"

"Um," he produced, bright blush immediately tinting his cheeks, "he was fine, Miss."

I frowned and narrowed my eyes, focusing on the mixture of emotions that were swirling in him, all of them pointing only to one conclusion, "you slept with him, didn't you?"

"N-No!"

Lie.

"Well, congrats boy!" I said, smacking his shoulder, "why are you ashamed of it? You got laid, so what?"

"B-But," he whispered, looking around to make sure we are alone, "it's with whom."

"You are ashamed it was with Loki? Was it not good?"

Now his face turned into a shade of tomato, red stains of embarrassment flaring up on his neck, "it was --....I just...I don't want anyone to find out."

I rolled my eyes with a sigh and patted his shoulder again, increasing his already high levels of discomfort, "don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

He swallowed on empty and once more looked around, "he was asking about you, Miss."