✍🏻 Bonds of Fear (Loki)

10 - Power Game

Feer

I went straight to my apartment and tossed myself on the bed, replaying what has happened to retrospectively assess Loki's emotions. And the more I did, the more concerned I was. His immediate ones were still clear as day, reacting to whatever I said or did. What worried me was that those that he was keeping suppressed were even fainter than usual.
I could barely register his loneliness, spite, resentment, sadness, fear, anxiety, betrayal, or hatred. I wanted to get to the bottom of his complexity the first moment I met him and now I was stressed he is figuring out a way how to block me faster than I expected.
The only other person who was as good at concealing their emotions was Natasha, always keeping everything she felt as very faint glimpses deep inside, only momentarily flashing through. I assumed it was thanks to the hard training she was put through since she was a child, to be a perfect spy and never give the other person know what she is up to.
I wondered if Loki was doing it for the same reason or because he simply didn't want to deal with all the things he was feeling. Now I was fretting he is figuring out he can strengthen his shield against mind readers and probably block me altogether.

That idea was scaring me and what was not helping was that every few seconds I ran my tongue over my lips, still tasting him and feeling his touch on me, making me distracted from my thoughts. It was a strange feeling of having the taste of Loki on my lips.
Tasting the God of Lies himself and craving for more.

I kicked my feet in the air like a small, angry child and got up, aiming for Bruce's lab.

"Oh, hey, Fee!" he greeted me with a smile, "I thought I bored you to death with my last scientific blabbering, and you won't join me here anymore."

He turned back to his whiteboard, scrambling random numbers and letters on it which probably were not that random and I came over, sitting down at the table behind him. He liked when somebody visited him, keeping him company and feeling less left out. And I liked all the things he unconsciously let slip in front of me.
That was possibly what I found the most appealing about Loki. How similar we were. I knew he would have no issue whispering sweet things into one's ear to get what he wanted. Knowing it is necessary for getting what he wanted. Knowing the only person he can trust is himself to survive in this world.

"No, no, no," I said sincerely, "it was interesting, just last time I barely managed to keep up."

He hunched his shoulders in guilt for rambling so much last time I came to visit, getting into his crazy scientist mode and though he spilled so many interesting things to me, I was having troubles understanding most of it. Even after years of him giving me lessons without even knowing.

"Well, would you be interested in learning more?" he asked, hope filling both his eyes and body as he turned to me and I quickly nodded.
He grinned from ear to ear and went to his things, taking out a thick book and handing it to me.

Light: Particles or Waves?

"This one is not completely for beginners, but it is still very well explained, and if anything wouldn't be clear, come and ask."

I flashed him a wide smile, getting exactly what I came here for, and took the book from him.
My fingers were itching to open it right away and start reading, but I couldn't look too eager about it, so I only kept tapping my fingers on top of it.
Bruce turned back to his whiteboard and I tried to come up with a small talk topic that would make it look as if I came over for his company. At least for another half an hour until I could go back to my flat and start reading.
As it turned out, I didn't have to think too hard as Bruce spoke first, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"So, um, you and Loki.....you seem pretty comfortable around him."

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Fury