The Man with no Heart (Tony Stark) - ON HOLD

Agony

They use to say you have no idea how strong you can be. They use to say you would be stunned with the capacity you have to go through the worst things you can think of.

Well, I can honestly tell you, that I was stunned with the intensity of pain my body could feel.

Agonizing.

Excruciating.

Stop.

Just let me die already.

Kill me.

I might have begged for all this. I am known for my selfishness and stubbornness, probably even to die. But no, not in a moment like that.

And do never blame someone who begs you to put her out of the misery of having any similar feeling as horrible as that pain.

There were moments I even believed my solicitations were answered. There were moments when I was not sure if I was dead or alive.

Impossible, you would say?

Well, I am not sure.

Everything was too confusing for me to understand.

And too painful.

I could remember what happened. Well, I could remember those events in flashes. How I refused to go with Rhodey and went with those incredibly warm hearted people.

I remember that kid, nervous yet excited for being sit next to me, that took more than 45 minutes to finally ask me for a picture. The way death took him was faster than a blink.

As to me, I was there, between life and death, feeling that excruciating and particularly stinging pain on my chest that I doubted I could handle for much longer.

And yet, I had no idea for how long I was there.

I had no idea where I was, as a matter of fact.

Between all that, there were many questions and worries in my mind.

First of all was Rhodey’s well being. I mean, was he ok?

He had to be, he is an experienced tough coronel. He was ok. He had to be.

Second was Pepper. I remember about how I insisted for her to come with me. I could not be more thankful to her stubbornness, at that time. At least she was safe, that I was sure.

I could not be sure what was probably happening in my absence and I could not stop myself from wondering if they were even looking out for me.

It would not surprise me much if they were not.

But, if Rhodey is alive, he would go and search for me, right? I prefer to believe that.

Or Pepper… she would send someone to look after me, would she not? I have no idea, sometimes I get the feeling that she truly hates me... I have no idea how she bear with me for such a long her, since I was such an assh*le for her, sometimes.

All the time, she was there for me, to help me in whatever silliness I was up to. And, whenever I try to think of the other way around, I… damn… I feel so bad.

I wish I had been there. I wish I had done things differently with her. I wish she knew how important for me she was.

I hardly believe I would ever be able to tell her such a thing but, I was not convinced I would leave that hell of a place either.

Sometimes, I could feel presences around me. Or maybe I was just dreaming. Other times, I thought I could feel people’s touch.