Saving Myself (Law and Order)

Chapter 115♡

(Amanda's P.O.V)

As the girls slept the night away, Carisi and me sat up talking about the possible adoption of Jessie and Billie. "So, we'd have to go through contracts and just talk to a professional. "As you may know, Al isn't excatly a talker. He'd lied to me for years about wanting to get to know her. The girls really enjoyed today. Even just doing the small things made them happy. "They loved my talk about the value of a dollar." I giggled as he hugged me. "So, we'll talk to a professional about how we start the process. We can talk to Olivia and Elliot too." I asked him about my surprise. "I can't tell you!" I asked him why. "Because it's a surprise!" I gave up. "I hope Faye is ok. I'm glad that she's seeking help." Carisi said that she was strong. "She's got her big sister. She's going to be ok." As I cuddled him, I thought about what our dream wedding would look like.. we'd been a couple for quite a while now.

"I'd love something quite simple." Carisi agreed. "Same. It'll just be nice to have family and friends around too." Kissing him, he admired me. "I think you're such a beautiful person. You're a great mom. A great detective." He was being cute now. "I think you're a handsome man. You're so open. I love that we communicate well. You're always there for our girls and I can trust you." He held me. "They'd love to call you Dad one day." As we watched the rain fall outside, he said that he had arranged a dinner with his mom and sister. "It's next week on Saturday." I grinned. "That'll be so nice. I'll look forward to meeting your sister." As we settled down to sleep, he just wrapped his arms around my waist. I loved him a lot.

(Faye's P.O.V)

As I watched some tv, I heard my phone bleep. I had a text from Adam. I hadn't heard from him in months.

Hi Faye,

How are you? You ran on my mind.

This guy had been my crush in high school. He was insanely cute. Texting him back, I blushed a little bit. This could be innocent. It's fine. I shouldn't freak out. Texting him back, I continued to watch tv. I was back in New York for a fresh start. Damon had really hurt me. I just needed my sister.

I'm alright thanks. That's nice. I've not seen you in ages. How are you?

...

I'm good. Things are actually really good. I've missed you.

...

He missed me? We had only hooked up 3 times. It was no strings attached. We were just enjoying other's company at the time. Then, I got wrapped up in Damon.. not knowing how he was treating me. Adam had always been there when I nedeed him. Just as a friend.

I've missed you too. What are you up to now?😌

He rang me.

"Hello?" He giggled. "Hey. I thought it would be better if we talked." He told me everything. His recent break up. How his mom and dad were doing.

"Yeah, so me and Abi are done. We weren't right for each other. I just want to enjoy being on my own for a bit. I agreed. 'It's nice to feel like you don't need anyone. 'I miss your company though.' He was too kind. 'How about you come over for a drink?' He said if anyone was home. 'No. My sister is away.' He said he'd be over soon. As I ended the call, I went to tidy up my hair. It was just going to be a sweet little catch up.  As the doorbell went, I felt my hands go all clammy. Opening the door, he smiled at me. 'Hi.' As I let him in, I asked him if he wanted a drink. 'I'd love a beer if you have any please.' I found some in the fridge. 'Here we go.' As we sat down on the couch, he told me everything. 'Me and Abi weren't getting on well. So, we decided to split up." I felt bad for him. He was such a considerate person. "Things just felt weird between us. I felt suffocated. And I missed our friendship." That was sweet of him to say. "How have you been since Damon?" I suddenly felt very chilly. Placing the blanket around myself, I told him everything.

"He was volatile. Being with him was like being in a fire. I couldn't escape. I'd not seen Amanda or my nieces in months because he kept me away from them. I felt isolated. He took advantage of me. He forced me to have a termination." Adam touched my shoulder. "Aw Faye... if I'd known sooner, I would of been there for you. Damon is an idiot. He doesn't deserve you." Adam was just always in the background.. "I just wanted to take care of you. Be there for you." I then told him more about why I stayed. "He convinced me that my family didn't want anything to do with me."

As Adam sipped the rest of his drink, he told me that he was going to be there for me from now on. "We've both been through some rubbish times, but we've always got each other." As our hands touched, he looked down. "I do still fancy you Faye, but I don't want to be that guy. That guy who hooks up with you and then just uses you. I want to be completely honest." I smiled at him. He gave me butterflies. I had to focus on myself. "I still like you as well, but I can understand what you're saying. When we hooked up in the past, it was fun and spontaneous." He agreed. "I definitely remember that." He giggled. "It was fun sneaking about." I blushed. "I had to lie to my own sister about where I'd been for 2 nights." He did make a great breakfast though..😝

As he put his glass in the sink, he told me that I'll always be his first real crush. "You will be. But, you know.. you just wanted to be friends with benefits." That was true. "Bye Adam!" As he hugged me, he said that he would text me.

As I went to shower, I just thought about the next few months. What if I couldn't move on? What if my mind went crazy? As the water ran over my body, I let myself cry. I just needed to do that. Panic then filled my body. I felt like Damon was touching me. Getting out, I wrapped the towel around myself. Washing my face, I quickly got ready and jumped into bed.

I needed to talk to someone..