Whom to love.

7

"How was your day?" Taehyung was tagging along on my walk home from school again. It was such a routine now that I expected it.

"Shit. As usual." I told him as I lit the joint that had also become part of the walking home routine. Taehyung winced every time I lit one. "What about you?"

"Good. Yeah, good. I like school. I'll miss it when it's over." "That's a very typical Eden thing to say." I scoffed.

"Yeah, maybe it is. I think you'd like it as well if you gave it a chance." He pondered with the same usual awkward tone when he spoke to me.

"I've been in school for twelve years, Taehyung. There's plenty of chances in twelve years.

Why do you think that?"

"Because you're clever. Because I think you can do anything you put your mind to. Because you're probably the most interesting person I've encountered." I looked at Taehyung as he spoke. His warm and gazing brown eyes, his awkward voice, his affectionate words.

Everything all of a sudden felt very clear.

"He likes me. I see it now. He likes me a lot." I ranted.

I was stood with my head hanging out of Jennie's window as I smoked a joint. Jennie ran around frantically trying to cover the smell.

"Yes, I know he is. I told you that. You know if my parents find out you're smoking in here, they'll kill both of us." She rushed her words as she lit several candles.

"They'll be fine. And I know, but I've only just noticed it now. Do you think he'll think I've led him on?"

Jennie shrugged. I wasn't even sure if she was listening properly at that point in her stress.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. What are you going to do? Are you going to bring it up with him?" Jennie asked.

"Nothing, clearly. Why would I? Hopefully he just forgets about his little crush." I tried to make my words sound as careless as possible as I toked the joint but jennie picked up on my tone.

"Jisoo, please. You're different around him. There's lots of people that have liked you and you haven't liked them back. You usually just laugh in their face, Jisoo. But you're not reacting like that now, Taehyung hasn't even admitted he likes you yet you're here stressing about it. You're softer around him. You care." Jennie spoke as she lit more candles spotted around her room. "Oh, please. You think I like him? Does he really seem like my type? The soft and quiet nerdy boy who's proper never fucking kissed a girl?"

"All I know is you're different around him. Maybe your type can change."

She lit another large, pink candle. Her words were striking a defensive part of me so I pushed the conversation aside and attempted to change the subject. "How many fucking candles do you have?"

I left Jennie's and started walking, not really knowing where I was walking.

My conversation with Jennie had struck a chord in me and I had an uneasy feeling. Jennie had say I was 'softer' and it didn't sit right with me. I wasn't the 'soft' girl. I'd built up so many walls and toughened myself up intentionally, it felt offensive to me to be labelled as 'soft' because of some boy I barely knew.

I stopped outside the coffee shop and spotted Jungkook in the lane smoking a joint. He leant on the wall in a leather jacket and barely bothered to greet me, he just stared in acknowledgement of my presence as he exhaled the cloud of smoke. "Hey." I smiled.

"Hey." Jungkook said back, with barely an ounce of emotion in his voice.

"Where's Scott?" I questioned.

"On a date." Jungkook responded.

"On a date?" Scott wasn't a dater and I knew this.

"Yeah. Weird, isn't it?" A smile came to Jungkook's face. "Do you want some?" He held the last part of the mostly smoked joint towards me and I stepped forward to take it from him.

"Thanks."

We stood in silence for a few seconds as I finished the joint.

"Why are you here anyway?" Jungkook questioned.

I stared at him intently, fully aware of what I was about to say but feeling like I'd only partially thought it through. But I didn't want to think.

"You don't do love, do you?" Jungkook looked confused at my question. "What do you mean?"

"Love, relationships, commitment. You don't do it, do you?" Jungkook shrugged. "No, I guess not."

"Me neither. So we should fuck."

"What? Now?" For once, Jungkook uncaring and cold composure seemed jolted. I nodded in response to his question.

He seemed to think for a nanosecond before stepping towards me and grabbing me roughly by the back of my head and pulling me into him.

I instinctively dropped the joint and gripped the skin behind his neck. Jungkook led me inside with our bodies pressed against each other and our fingers intensely scratching at each other. It felt electric.

I walked home with my shoulders and head down. It was cold and it was dark and I wanted to be on my own, in my own bed.

I walked down a quiet path with the streetlights shining.

"Hey." A voice came from in front of me and I looked up. "What's wrong?" Lisa was walking with two of her friends that I didn't recognise in the dark. "Go ahead." She urged them when she saw the troubled look on my face.

Lisa looked at me waiting for a reply. "I think I might have messed up. I think I might have made my life confusing." I told her, feeling a heavy feeling in my chest. "Hasn't it always been confusing, Jisoo?" She pointed out. I nodded, silently.

"I've got to go, but here. I rolled it before. You look like you need it more than me." She passed me a joint and I smiled. "Thanks, Lisa."