Whom to love.

15

*self harm in this section*

I sat in Chemistry the following day with my mind feeling foggy. Jungkook and I were supposed to be doing an experiment, but he was putting a lot more effort in on his side.

"Right, what is wrong with you?" He took me off guard with his impatient snap. "Nothing." I snapped back at him.

"Yeah, right. There's clearly something."

He scoffed.

"There's not!" I insisted.

"Just tell me!" A few students around us turned to look at the heated conversation we were having.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. You want to know? I just think it was shitty of you to be shoving your tongue down Katie's throat in front of me. She's not even your type."

"Why? What type is she?" Jesse smirked. "Orange, fake, nasty bitch." I shrugged and Jungkook chuckled. His amusement only enraged me more.

"Hey, you don't know me. You don't know what my type is." He pointed out. "And I don't care what she's like anyway. She's easy, so I don't mind."

I scoffed. "You don't give a fuck about
anything, do you?"

"No. Why? Am I supposed to give a fuck about you?" His words were harsh and felt like I'd been stabbed through my chest. "What? No." I stammered.

He laughed again and it only hurt me more. "Are you actually jealous? We agreed we'd just be fucking. Don't get all weak on me." I felt the tension build in chest and up my the tears well up in my eyes. "You're deluded." I hissed, but I couldn't stay in that classroom any longer. I grabbed my bag and I stormed out.

I raced to the back stairs that were usually secluded and stood in a corner and let my tears fall.

"For fucks sake." I muttered. I couldn't believe I was letting this get to me. Crying? Because of some angsty boy?

And then I was completely took off guard by someone coming round the corner. "Jisoo? Are you okay?" Taehyung spoke softly and hitched his thick, black glasses up his face.

"Taehyung, it's fine." I tried to distance myself and walk away but he followed me. "No, it's not. What's wrong? Is it Jungkook?" He asked, concerned.

"Leave it, Taehyung!" I shouted this time. "No one sees me cry." I stormed off and walked rapidly away from the school grounds.

I rushed up to my bedroom the second I got home. I was out of breath, my eyes were stinging from the crying, my chest felt heavy and I felt like my brain was static.

I tried to catch my breath but I couldn't. I was completely panicked and losing the control of myself. This happened often and had done for years, but I wasn't sure what had triggered it this time.

Jungkook pretty much laughing at me? His lack of care for me? Someone (Taehyung) seeing me cry? He'd think I was completely weak now.

I still couldn't catch my breath. I looked under my mattress and picked up my hidden blade and took it to my arm, crying as I did so.

Would I ever get better? What would it take for me to feel stable again?