Whom to love.

18

*potential triggering section*

"I can't believe this has happened again." I could hear my mums frantic voice muttering.

I strained to open my eyes and quickly realised I was lying in a hospital bed. The bright lights burned my eyes and my arm ached where I was hooked up to a drip.

"Why am I here?" I asked with a weak voice.

"You overdosed again Jisoo! Where did you find painkillers that strong?" My mum snapped harshly at me. I shrugged and groaned with a spinning feeling in my head. "Leave it." I managed to mutter.

"Leave it? I will not leave it, Jisoo. I can't deal with this any -" Her emotional ranting was interrupted by a faint knock at the door.

She stepped out and shut the door behind her without me being able to see who it was, but I quickly heard their loud and frantic voices bouncing off each other.

"What's going on? Is she okay?" Taehyung's frantic voice sounded muffled from behind the door.

"She should be okay. They think she'll be home tomorrow. I can't believe this has happened again." My mum repeated.

"I don't know what - she just collapsed. She seemed alright and she just -" Taehyung stuttered anxiously over his words. "I know. I know. I'm glad you were there. Do you want to see her?" My mum offered. "It might be good for her."

"Yeah. Sure." Taehyung agreed. I was not in the mood for this.

My mum opened the door again and led Taehyung in with her.

"Jisoo. Taehyung's here." She smiled a fake smile and I rolled my eyes. "I'll give you a second." She left again.

Taehyung stood awkwardly for a few seconds.

"Jisoo, are you -"

"What are you doing here?" I groaned and his eyes widened.

"I- I'm checking you're okay." He stammered.

"Why?" I rolled my eyes.

"Because you collapsed. Because I was very clearly worried. And because I care, Jisoo."

I audibly sighed. "I don't need you to care."

"Jisoo!" Taehyung raised his voice and it sounded completely out of character for him. "What happened? I'm here! I'm here for you. Why can't you let me be?"

"Because I don't need you." I snarled. He look at me for a few more long seconds before turning out of the room with a pained look on his face. I sighed.

It was the next day and the doctor I'd been dealing with told me I was safe to be discharged. I was unhooked from the drip and I was lying back on the bed, desperately trying to ignore my mums frantic pacing in the hospital room.

"You know what? I don't even know if you're ready to come out of here." She ranted.

"Excuse me?" I snapped.

"You heard. You're a complete liability sometimes, Jisoo. I don't know how to help you. But I sure as hell can't keep coming back here and dealing with the possibility that you might die one day because of your reckless actions." "It's hardly like that!" I defended, very much attacked.

"It is, Jisoo! You're reckless and you're uncaring and that's why you do stuff like this."

I went to yell back but the doctor came in and asked me to sign a document on my discharge.

"You're free to go, Jisoo." He smiled.

"Thanks." I said.

I immediately grabbed my phone and my bag and headed out of the room, and of course, my mum chased after me down every aisle of the hospital.

"Where do you think you're storming off to?" She yelled, causing people to look.

I shrugged and continued to walk fast enough that she struggled to keep up. "Come on. Get in the car, let's go home."

I scoffed. "No."

"Jisoo!" She yelled. "You will be coming home. I clearly need to watch you." "No. You don't." I snapped as I picked up the pace even more.

She continued to chase me out of the doors of the hospital. I ignored her incessant shouting.

"Where are you going?" She questioned again.

"Anywhere."

"You're a mess, Jisoo. You'll get nowhere if you don't let anyone help you. You can't keep making bad decisions forever. I will not see you die in this shitty hospital!" She screamed. I ignored the horrible feeling in my chest and continued to walk, not responding.

I switched my phone on as I'd got around the corner and apprehensively rang back the person who'd called me the most.

"Hey." I muttered.

"Hi! Oh my God, why haven't you had your phone on?" Lisa asked.

"I just haven't. I haven't wanted to speak to anyone."

"I have been so worried! What the fuck were you thinking? You took so many of them painkillers!" She rushed her words.

"I know, I know. I'm really sorry for taking them." I apologised.

"Sorry for taking them? I don't give a fuck about that, Jisoo. I was just worried!"

"Thanks." I muttered.

"Where are you, anyway?" She questioned.

"I'm just walking. I've only just left the hospital."

"Where are you going?"
"Somewhere to block this shitty experience out." I told her.