Here I am living despite it all

Guilt

"It's mollie Bailey" Addison shouted from the rig mollie was inside of currently. Bailey ran over to Addison who was checking out mollie.
Meredith was just staring into the distance like a ghost.

"Uh Addie go to trauma 2 and Wilson your with Meredith make sure she is fine, any issues get me please" Bailey quickly ordered everyone about.

Bailey was concerned about Meredith but she couldn't think of that this moment, her focus was on helping mollie.

"Addison out" Bailey snapped

"NO Miranda I know I'm family but I am one of the foremost neonatal surgeons in the country and I swear to got if you get my kid some shitty OB resident who can't stop the bleeding so help me Miranda I will kill you"

"Fine Addison, MOVE PEOPLE let's get this child into surgery NOW"

-

"Clamp" Addison demands
"Suction"
"Clamp,more suction"
"Come on mollie stay with me"
"Charge to 200...... clear"
"Good girl mollie"

-

Finally Addison was out of surgery with mollie and she immediately went to her fiancées aid because she knew Meredith would be taking this very hard indeed.

-

I found Meredith in on call room 3, she was shaking and muttering to herself which could only mean one thing. She had hurt herself.

"Mer"
"Addie"

Addison walked over to Meredith and saw a cut relatively deep etched in her wrist.

"Mer your okay hmm let's get this cleaned up"

"Addie I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry" is all Meredith could say at this moment

"Mer come here let me see what's happened okay"

Meredith stood up and she found that Meredith had other deep cuts on her thighs as well as her wrist. Addison was so upset that Meredith couldn't confide in her

"Oh Mer I'm sorry right let me page Arizona and tell her to bring me a suture kit okay"

"No Addie I don't want to get stitched up no please no. I don't want Arizona to see me like this"

"Well I can get Amelia hmm"

"Fine I'll let Amelia come see me okay"

"Okay sweetie lemme page her okay"

Page- Meredith grey 911 suture kit to on call 3

Amelia arrived promptly to on call 3 after about 5 minutes of getting Addisons rather worrying page.

"What's up guys"

"Amelia can you just suture the cuts that need it I mean you obviously know what happened so please just get on with it"

The brunette knew that Addison was just upset with the whole situation so she did as she was told and sutured up Meredith's lacerations. Meredith was crying the whole time but it was all over quickly enough.

Amelia scurried away and left the two women be.

"Mer what do you need right now?"

"I uhh I I I" Meredith broke down into fits of tears.

"Mer Mer I need you to breathe for me baby" Addison was trying desperately to calm Meredith normally before she resulted to taking her scrubs off and also Meredith's and applying some deep pressure and skin on skin.

"Addie I'm so so tired" Meredith whimpered from her position clinging onto Addison like a baby koala bear

"I know you are Mer I know"

Addison started walking around the room carrying a still crying Meredith in her arms and eventually she fell asleep soundly to the point where Addison felt she could sit down without waking her fiancée.

-

It had been about an hour of Meredith sleeping soundly on Addisons chest before she had a nightmare, Addison immediately tried to wake Meredith out of her deep sleep but to no avail.

"Mer wake up Meredith you are okay. MEREDITH" Addison shouting seemed to wake Mer up

"Addie oh I had a horrible nightmare" Meredith cried once again and curled into Addisons exposed chest

"Mer it's okay I promise I know you feel weak right now but it's okay, mollie is still asleep and I think you should go and see dr Wyatt I messaged her and she said she is free all afternoon"

"I think I will Addie, I need to see someone before I can go and see mollie I think it will be too hard"

"Of course baby keep yourself safe before anything else and I can deal with mollie, I promise everyone will be okay"

-

Addison dropped Mer off with dr Wyatt for a 2hour session that was much needed for Meredith and just as she was walking away from psych she got a page

911 mollie awake and upset

Addison ran as fast as she could to see mollie. When she arrived at her room she was curled into a ball crying and shaking.

"Bailey what happened"

"She woke up and she just got upset, I'm not sure if she knows about the baby or not"

"Okay I'll try calm her, thank you Bailey"

-

"Mol hey it's ads"

"Addie my baby what happened" she broke down even more than before

"Oh mollie sweetie the baby didn't make it, you had a miscarriage that went a bit haywire and we ended up having to resuscitate you as you lost too much blood"

mollie just completely lost it and tried to get
To Addison for some comfort

"Mollie let me come to you babe"

Addison picked up the girl and let her attach herself to her before rocking her and calming the girl down until she was just whimpering every now and then

"Where's Meredith"

Addison didn't know what to tell her.