Life worth living?

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THE ONLY CHARACTER I OWN IS MOLLIE!!



Mollies POV-

The next morning I woke up next to Addison and Meredith I was in the middle. I slowly slid my way to the bottom of the bed walking to the downstairs bathroom to that they wouldn't hear me cutting. I ran the blade down my wrist a few times etching deep cuts into my skin "shit" I hissed I didn't mean to go this deep and now it won't stop bleeding. I got some tissue to try and help stop the bleeding but it wasn't working at all, I was so busy trying to clean myself up I didn't hear Meredith creep down the stairs and stand at the door. "Mollie" I heard and I swiftly turned round to see a very concerned Meredith looking at me, then the floor and finally my arms.
"Mollie you should have woken us if you felt like this"
"I'm sorry Meredith I I just I don't know I needed to feel something other than this constant pain".
"I know honey it's okay let's get this cleaned up alright" Meredith squeezed my shoulder to reassure me
"Okay" I whispered not daring to let my tears fall.

-

I sat on the kitchen counter and held my arm out for Meredith to asses, luckily I didn't need any stitches but I did need steri strips to close the gap between the skin. Addison came down as Meredith was putting the first aid kit away.

"Hey mollie what happened love?" She asked worryingly

"Em I I slipped up and I cut myself I'm sorry I'm so so sorry I I didn't know what to do I'm so sorry please forgive me please" I begged now falling to the floor crying. I let my tears fall Addisons presence did something to me, whenever I was around her I broke.

"Oh darling c'mere I got u let's sit down on the couch okay, let's talk this through" she picked me up bridal style, wrapped me in a blanket and sat me in her lap and she rocked me, kissing my head every now and again.

"What's got you so upset my darling" Addison asked at this point Meredith sat down the other side of me rubbing my back soothingly which I really appreciated.

"I just I don't know I'm in so much pain mentally I just need it to stop"

"How do you mean, do you want to die or is it just that you want to disappear for a while till everything is okay in life?" Meredith asked curiously

"It's not that I want to die it's that I just don't want to exist right now" I cried even harder now Addison pulling me closer Meredith squeezing my shoulder and kissing my cheek lovingly.

I knew I was safe when I was with these women. I loved them and I was unhappy yes but they made me feel like life was worth living

"I don't know what to do or how to cope" I wailed on the verge of a panic attack

"Let it out sweetie let it out" Meredith told me

"I I can't breathe I help I can't breathe please" my breathing became very laboured and heavy Meredith now moved from behind me to kneeling in front of me with her hands on my knees

"Mollie baby breathe in for 4 out for 4" she showed me and I mimicked her breathe until I calmed down slowly.

"You need to eat breakfast babe alright" Addison said to me

"Noooo I can't eat no I'll get fat please no" I wailed get again causing Addison to just pull me closer until I was pressed against her body,  her warmth eventually calming me down

"You gotta eat alright, at least have a yoghurt" Meredith said wearily

"No no " I got up pushed Addison out of the way grabbed my phone and ran out of the house.

I made a call
I needed everything to stop

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