Here I am living despite it all

When the going gets tough

"Mollie whe-"

Addison was cut off again my mollies ear piercing scream coming from her and Meredith's bedroom. She ran at full speed into the room to find mollie with a blade to her wrist ready to cut herself.

"Mollie c'mere and give me the blade"

"No Addie I need to do this Addie I can't do this anymore, I I had a dream and I can feel him on me I Addie please I can't I won't please"

"Mer" Addison shouted down the stairs to Meredith to come and assist her with mollie

"Mol can I hold you and we can try that before you cut please, remember the rules if you need to cut after 10 minutes of trying some other distraction technique then you can but it has to be in front of Meredith and I, this isn't to humiliate you babe it's just so we can keep you safe"

"Addie oh god Addie" mollie threw herself into Addisons arms wrapping her legs round her waist and arms round her neck bawling her eyes out into Addisons shoulder, shaking with each painful cry.

Meredith walked through the door at this point and Addison motioned to mollies hand to try and get the blade out.

Meredith complied and pried the blood coated blade out of her hand before going back to the girl and rubbing her back soothingly.

"What do you need mol" Meredith asked tentatively

"Out of my head I need to be out of my own fucking head"

A lone tear slowly went down Meredith's cheek at mollies harrowing truth.

"Okay babe what about a bath yeh"

Mollie nodded her head and Addison carried the girl to the bathroom whilst Meredith ran the tub and added some bath salts to make it more relaxing for the tiny girl.

It was only when mollie was in the bath that Meredith and Addison could see the extent of how little mollie was eating and how much weight she had lost since the pregnancy.

"Mol when was the last time you ate?"

"I dunno I'm too scared to eat incase I throw up"

"Mol it's not good for you and the baby, we can try smoothies and protein shakes yeh maybe that will help" Addison said. The OB in her coming out to play.

"Mhmm" mollie was almost catatonic at this point and the two women were getting increasingly worried about her.

Addison washed mollies hair for her and then lifted the fragile girl out of the bath and tucked her into their bed.

-

Addison walked outside the room where Meredith now was and she could immediately tell something was wrong with her fiancée

"Mer baby talk to me what's up"

"Addie I'm triggered and I hate it so much but I am and I have been for a while now and it's so much and an-" Addison abruptly cut her off

"C'mere Mer"

Meredith walked into Addisons loving embrace and just started crying

"Shhh shhh baby your okay I'm here your fine I have you" Addison was peppering kisses on top of Merediths head while rocking her back and forth slightly

"Have you had any urges?" Addison asks this very sincerely and all Meredith can do is cry harder

"Its okay relapse is normal you told me that yourself once, recovery isn't linear and if your struggling let me know baby I'm here to help".

"I was so close to cutting Addie I I didn't but I nearly did" Meredith admitted shyly still crying

All Addison could do was hold her until she stopped crying. Eventually Meredith's sobs turned into shallow breaths and whimpers, unfortunately for the two women the drama had only just begun.

As the two women walked back into the room where mollie was they were both shocked when they saw her lying on the floor unconscious with a puddle of blood at her legs.

"MER CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW SHES HAVING A MISCARRIAGE"