The Unexplainable You.

Part Twenty-Three. Asher.

Portland had a follow up appointment after her MRI, but she told me that I wasn't allowed to sit in there with her, so I'm playing a video came called 'Overcooked' with Malachi while we wait for her to get out of her appointment.

"You suck at this." Malachi says as the level ends with the legit lowest score ever. 

"I'm sorry," I mumble, looking at my hands, my finger braces almost taunting me. 

He laughs, despite me being yelled at by my own mind, and skips to the next level.

We repeat this process for an hour or so until Portland joins us, plopping herself down on the couch next to me.

"How'd it go?" I ask as she leans into my shoulder. 

She shrugs in answer, her eyes trained on the TV. "it was fine. My scans came back clean so we still have no answer."

I nod, wrapping my arm around her waist.

"I'm gonna go start dinner." Malachi tells us. "It's tomato soup, by the way."

He just laughs at himself as he walks down the stairs.

"What's up Baby?" I ask, pulling her into my lap. She tenses up, her body not fitting with mine the way it usually does. "Was there something in your appointment?"

"No, Nothing." She snaps, pulling out of my arms and standing up. Her eyes are filled with tears and her voice is far more hostile than I expected. There are tears in her eyes, and I desperately want to reach out and hug her, but I don't.

 Her legs shake at the weight, almost as much as her voice shakes when she says. "Sometimes you just can't help everyone, okay? Just leave me alone. Please."

There's tears in her eyes as she turns away, storming off to her room.

I want to call after her, but her words are almost as stuck in my throat as if they came out of my own mouth. She's right, I can't save everyone, no matter how much I wish I could. I tried to help my mom, and just got her in deeper with the gang. I tried to help my sister out of an abusive relationship, and it just got her into more trouble. I tried to help my friends, and now they've all left me alone.

"What happened?" Somebody asks behind me. I turn to see the tall boy who seems to have become Portlands shadow. 

"I don't know" I tell Andy as he sits down next to me. "I asked her what was wrong and she flipped out."

He nods slowly, his eyes drifting to the family pictures hanging around the room. The three kids at shows and soccer games and large family photos, but it's one picture in the corner that he stops on, his eyes welling up a bit. It's a picture of Portland when she was fourteen or fifteen sitting on the shoulder of a boy her age. White-blonde hair with pale eyebrows and emerald green eyes. They're both smiling like it's the greatest day of their life.

"Who is he?" I ask, walking over to the picture and examining it.

"Levi Daughtler." He tells me, joining me in the corner. "The only other boy Portland has ever loved."

"What happened to him?"

He doesn't look at me, his eyes fixed on his sisters smiling face. "he was stuck in a joyride and the car flipped. He walked a mile to get help and to say goodbye to her. She hasn't loved anybody since then."

I bite my lip. I wish I could have met this man, he obviously meant a lot to her, maybe even more than I do. 

"Today is his birthday. He would have been eighteen, and I found a present in her room to him.  And before you ask, no I wasn't going through her room, it was outside her door."

I nod, wanting desperately to walk into her room and scoop her up in my weak little arms.

"I don't know what to say." 

He nods sadly, his eyes filled with tears. 

I put my hand on his shoulder, wishing I could have held her the same way all those years ago.

"How long ago was that?"

He shrugs, his eyes glassy. "Two years, I think."

I run my hand through my ashen hair as the both of us stand in front of the picture for far too long. I can't even imagine losing someone as close to me as Levi was to her. I've never lost someone like that, I mean, my dad left but he's still alive. No one very close to me has ever died, and I wish I could sympathise with her, but I really can't.

"You should go talk to her." He finally tells me. "She really needs someone today, and I don't think Mal nor I can really do what it takes to be there for her."

I smile through the pain that's running through my limbs as I walk over to her closed door, raising my shaking hand to knock, but narrowly stopping myself. There's a voice coming from her room, a boys voice.

"Hey Portland." He says, his voice a laughing tone. "I just was calling because I guess... I was just thinking about you I guess. And I mean, it's been a while since I've seen you and I just wanted to say that I love you, and I know how hard everything has been recently, so I just wanted to tell you to keep your head up my little princess."

Someone shouts in the background and the boy chuckles. "Alright Baby, I gotta go, but I love you, you are so strong, and I'm so proud of you."

The call ends there, but more sound fills the room, another call.

"Hey Portland, It's Levi, again."

Levi. These aren't phone calls, they're saved voicemails. She's saved voicemails of him.

I knock, finally breaking out of my stupor. a tearful 'come in' is all my reply.

She's sitting on her unmade bed, knees pulled to her chest with her phone balanced in front of her. Her face is red with tears and her shirt is wet.

Without a word, I sit down next to her, pulling her into my arms. This time she leans in to the gesture, laying her head on my chest, sobs tearing through her body.

I don't say anything, I don't want to send her screaming at me again, so I just rock her, humming softly under my breath.

After ten minutes or so, her sobbing has receded into tearstained cheeks and hiccups.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask. I want her to tell me yes, to pour all of her tragedy onto me, but she just shakes her head.

"I'm sorry," She tells me, sitting up and looking me in the eyes. Her eyes are beautiful, even when they're blood shot.

"Why?"

She shrugs, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "I haven't cried over him in so long, and I got your shirt all wet."

I let out a light laugh, pulling her close to my chest. "It's okay, my love. I understand that you loved him, and still do. And someday, I hope to live up to the standard he left for you, but until then, I am willing to stand by you every step of the way, no matter what?"

And just to prove my point, I lift her head so her eyes meet mine, and give her a soft kiss, our lips barely brushing.

"I love you Portland Cormwell." I tell her, "I've loved you since the second I met you, and I'm willing to wait forever for you."