The Unexplainable You.

Part Twenty-Eight. Portland.

"I'm gonna go get you some food." He tells me after a few hours of just him sobbing into my hospital gown.

"I'm not hungry." I tell him, even though my stomach is eating itself alive. I can't eat, because then I'll be too fat when I go back to school. I'm eternally glad for hospital fluids and vitamins, because no one has suspected a thing. 

"You haven't eaten anything since yesterday morning!" He says, as if I didn't already know that. I only ate something because he was there, but after I sat in my bathroom for ten minutes trying to throw it all up.

"I'm just not hungry, okay?" I exclaim, sitting up, my arms shaking. Maybe from malnutrition, maybe from the anesthesia still wearing off. "Please, just drop it?"

He shakes his head, walking closer to me.

"Give me your hand." He demands. "now."

I grudgingly offer him my wrist, my arm shaking. He grabs it tightly, squeezing until I feel like he's cutting off the circulation in my arm.

"You're starving yourself, aren't you?" His voice is so quiet I almost can't hear him, but I understand just fine.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes it does!" He almost yells. "I just lost my best friend five hours ago, I am not going to let you commit slow suicide so you can try to look like the girls in the magazines!"

His voice cuts off as he drops my hand, resting his head in his hands, fighting to steady his breathing.

"I can't lose you too, okay?"

He wraps his arms around my thin waist, sitting down and pulling me into his lap.

"Please," He whispers into my hair. "I need you, Portland. I've seen what goes on behind your eyes, the pain and the anxiety. But I need you to keep fighting."

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly.

"You know how yesterday you told me that you don't know how you'd survive without me? How you think I saved your life? Well, I feel the same way about you. I was ready to throw in the towel before I met you. I just wanted this eternal pain to end. But then you showed up, and honestly Portland,"

He cups my face in his thin hands "You gave me a reason to keep fighting, you gave me something to live for."

***

Throughout the day, Asher seems like he's coughing, like a lot. Sure, that's what you would expect from someone with Cystic Fibrosis, but still.

"You alright, My love?" I ask him as he coughs into an off white tissue. "I can go get someone if you want me to?"

He shakes his head, coughing more as if the simple action has ridden him of his breath. 

"Asher." I say, trying to put a bit more authority into my voice. "I'm gonna go get someone, okay? I'll be right back."

He groans in protest, but even his breathing is heavy.

Thankfully, Jennifer is right across the hall, just leaving a patients room.

"Jen," I tell her, fighting the anxiety tensing my voice. "Um, Asher is coughing like mad in my room, and I don't think he's doing too good."

She nods, understanding on her face. "Of course, don't worry about it."

I lead her back to my room, and both of us gasp at what we find. Ashers unconscious on the floor, gasping desperately for breath, shaking harshly.

"Oh my gosh." I kneel down next to him, pressing my hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat smacking against my hand. I hear Jennifer radioing somebody on her intercom.

"Wake up," I mumble, tears coming to my eyes as I smack his face lightly. "Please Ash, just wake up."

His eyes flutter, but he's whisked away from me before he can fully open his eyes.

I follow them out, running down the hall after them as I fight to hear what they're saying. 

"His heart rate is dropping."

"He's not breathing."

"We need a defibrillator, stat."

"Get him to the ICU."

The door is shut in my face before I can hear anymore.

"It'll be alright." Jennifer's voice tells me, grabbing my shoulders. "This happened a while ago, and he was fine. His lungs just get clogged up sometimes, that's all."

Her words should be comforting, but they aren't.

"Jennifer," A woman storms down the hall, stress lines wrinkling her young features. "Where is my brother? I just went to his room and he's not there."

Jennifer takes a tight breath, turning to face the girl. "Miss Laurier, hello."

"Where's Asher?"

This must be Genesis, Asher's sister. It's strange, Asher and I have been dating for six months and I still haven't met any of his family.

"Don't worry Genesis." Jennifer consoles her. "His lungs got clogged a bit and he passed out. He'll be fine in a few hours."

Her eyes fall on me, giving me the quick judgemental up-and-down look. 

I give her a small wave, putting my best foot forward. "I'm Portland, I'm-"

"Asher's girlfriend, yeah I know who you are"

I raise my eyebrows slightly, biting my lip. "I've heard a lot about you, Uh, he, Asher I mean, he talks about you all the time. But all good things, I mean, I've never heard him say anything bad about you-"

"I get it." She almost snaps. "Asher talks about me a lot."

I bite my lip, fighting the anxiety filling my lungs.

"Why don't we just go get you two girls some coffee." Jennifer suggests, giving my hand a light squeeze.

"Actually," I interject, "I'm not supposed to be out of my room anyways, and my brother is coming over in a few minutes, so I better get back."

"Wait, you're a patient?" Genesis asks, the judgement in her voice hard to miss.

"Yeah," I reply quietly, "I had surgery yesterday, so I'm just here with your brother."

She raises her eyebrows, biting her lip. I hit a nerve.

"I'm gonna go," I mumble softly, turning on my heels before I can make this any more awkward.