The Unexplainable You.

Part Twenty-Five. Asher.

Whenever I'm not at Portlands house, I'm at the hospital with Harlow. She's been in and out of a coma and on life support for the past six months, but everyday I make sure to at least stop by to make sure she's okay. She has six siblings, and her parents work full time to provide for them. So they usually aren't there, But most of the time, her older brother is with her, and if he's not her sister is.

But today she's alone, which I don't mind.

"Hey dude," I say, sitting down in the chair closest to her bed, propping my crutches across my knees. She's partially awake and gives me a weak smile.

"How ya feeling?"

She gives me a confused look, and I know that she still doesn't remember who I am. This happens almost every day, but it never makes it any easier.

"I'm Asher." I say in my calm, well rehearsed voice. "We've been friends since you were ten and I was fourteen,"

But unlike other days, her eyes don't spark with recognition when I tell her my name, or how long we've been friends. Panic starts to choke me, and my mind goes to the things that I really think about when I think about Harlow.

"We have two billion inside jokes, you always make me smile, I promised you I was never going to leave you alone and I still hold that promise close to me. You love teen magazines and the pictures of the cute animals are your favorite. You are an avid ballet dancer and  even though you don't dance all that often you still go through two pairs of pointe shoes a month. You love chocolate and claim that coffee helps you fall asleep, even though you still stay up till 1 Am. You always told me that you were afraid that you would never fall in love because no one would want to deal with your memory, You promised me you would always be there! You promised me Harlow!" 

I'm sobbing now, my shoulders heaving as she just stares at me blankly.

"You promised," I sniffle out, "Please peanut. Please just come back to me. I need you."

***

"Halloween is coming up" Portland says, flopping down on my bed. "And the only reason to date is so you can do couples costumes, right? So what are we dressing up as?"

I laugh, laying down next to her and gripping her hand in mine. "Can I tell you a secret?"

She nods, her hair falling around her face.

"I've never dressed up for Halloween."

She gasps, sitting up on her elbows. "Wait, really? What did you do as a child?"

I bite my lip, rolling over to face her. "I was never allowed to. With being sick and all, they didn't want to expose me to any germs. I guess I just figured that you had to go trick or treating to dress up."

She nods thoughtfully, absentmindedly running her fingers through my thick hair. It feels good, the physical contact after all the time without it,  I never want it to end.

"Well then, We'll just have to make it the best Halloween ever."

I grin, biting my lip.

"Well, we could do some sort of couples costume like, I don't know, we could do Jack and Rose, or we could do some sort of disney character couple, or we could try PB&J kinda thing-"

I laugh, putting my fingers to her lips and pulling her closer to me and running my pale fingers down her back.

"Just lay here with me for a little bit." I tell her quietly, kissing her lightly on the head. "Just be quiet and love me."

She chuckles quietly, burrowing herself into my chest and wrapping my arms around my waist.

We lay there for a while, just holding each other on my bed. It makes me realize that I really love her, more than I've loved another person in my whole life. But at the same time, I never have really known or felt real love so I have nothing to compare it to.

We lay here for so long, Portlands' eyes roll shut and her breathing slows. I smile at her, she told me she hadn't slept well last night, so I'm glad that she's finally resting. 

I sit up, scrolling through my text messages with her over the past week.

Portland: Where are you?

Me: It's the holidays, don't ask questions.

Portland: It's literally the start of September! What kinda holidays are you celebrating?

I laugh, shutting my phone off as she starts to stir, mumbling something uninteligable under her breath.

"Hey, sunshine," I whisper, shaking her shoulders. She wakes with a start, sitting up so quickly in my lap that he head nearly misses my chin. 

Her breathing is ragged, and it takes me a second to notice that she's also crying.

"Hey, Portland." I grab her shoulders, but her eyes don't focus on me as she tries to break from my grasp.

"Portland, hey calm down." I pull her into my chest, cupping the back of her head in my hand as I let my other hand trace her back. "Talk to me, please? Just talk to me?"

She sits silent in my arms for a second before opening her mouth, her voice all to strained as she answers. "Promise you won't leave me?"

I scoff, looking her in her chocolate brown eyes. "Why would I leave you? You are literally the love of my life. I would never."

"That's not what I mean!" She intersects "I mean..." 

Her eyes find their way to her hands, tears in her eyes. "Promise me you aren't gonna die Asher? Please just tell me that everything is going to be okay."

I furrow my eyebrows, suddenly realizing how sick I must look to her. To everyone. Nobody thinks I'm going to live much longer, not even myself.

"Portland," I say, cupping her face in my hands. "You... You're the summers sun. Your days will be long, and through those days, you will leave an impact on the people around you, like the sun. But, I'm the winter days. People will mourn for the loss of time for a little bit, the shortened days, but it's only a matter of time until they forget what it was like before. 

"You will grow up Portland. You will have a family someday, and this difficult time of your life, it won't matter anymore. You will have a husband who will love you as much as I do, as Levi did. You will have the dream job that makes you excessively happy, and you will have beautiful children who will always make you laugh. I wish I could see that for myself, but... Some people just aren't meant to be the summer sun, because without the winter, no one would really value how important it is to have the summer."

Her eyes are full of tears and anger as she almost shouts. "They told me you were getting better!"

I nod, biting my thin lip. "They lied. I requested that I don't spend the rest of life in a hospital. I've already done too much of that."

This is where she breaks into full, shoulder racking sobs. She wraps her arms around my shoulders, crying huge tears into my striped long-sleeve.

"You can't leave me Asher." She cries. "Please don't go."

"I don't have a choice, my love."