The Unexplainable You.

Part Twenty-Seven. Asher.

I've been sitting her for six hours and she's still not out of surgery. I mean, sure I've had surgeries that last ten, twelve, twenty hours. But it's worse being on the other end of it, because when you're on the table, you have no sense of time. You're asleep and then you're awake. But for the people who care about you, twelve hours feels like twelve years.

I'm just glad I don't have anyone who really cared about me enough to sit through a twelve hour surgery.

I alternate between sleeping, playing games with Andy and Mal, and reading the books that Portlands mom dropped off for her when she wakes up. 

She has an interesting taste in books, I will say that. They all kind of follow the same idea. Fantasy, big overlord trying to destroy the world and a little ragtag band of teen heros who don't know their own strength. She also really likes cliche romances, the Romeo and Juliet type where they are forbidden to be together. And the dystopian ones too, with controlling goverment and enemies to lovers romances. 

It makes me wonder if she expected me to be like the heros in those books, if Levi was like the heros in those books. The tall, handsome, strong men who swoop in and save the day. The men with dark backstories and passionate hearts, with strong arms that can carry the heroines away to their palace in the sunset. But I can't be that person, I wish I could, but the cards just weren't dealt that way.

My phone rings and I pick it up to see that Tate is calling me. The nurse that works with Portland and Harlow, among other people.

"Hello," I answer warily. "Asher Laurier speaking."

"Yeah, yeah I know." She replied. "Asher, I need you here right now. I've called you five times."

"Of course." I reply grabbing my crutches from the chair next to me and making a beeline for the elevators. "What's wrong? Is Harlow okay?"

Only silence on the other end. 

"Tate!" I exclaim as I get into the elevator. "Tate, what happened?"

"Just get up here quickly, Laurier, please."

It feels like the elevator can't go fast enough, and my mind goes to horrible, terrifying things.

She has to be okay, I mean, something could have happened, but they'll make it better, they always do. They have to, I need her.

As soon as the elevator doors open, I rush down the hall as fast as I can. 

Doctors and nurses are filing out of her room, solem looks on their faces. 

Tate is behind them all, an arm around a tall man with chocolate brown hair as he sobs into her shoulder. Harlows brother.

"No," I shake my head, backing away as I meet Tates eyes. She nods slowly, confirming my worst fear.

"No," I say, tears filling my eyes. "No, no, you're lying."

"I'm sorry," She says, "I tried calling you, she was talking about you, said she wanted to see you."

Her words are like literal salt in the fresh wound.

I'm on the floor before I realize I fell, tears forming a puddle on the tile underneath me.

All the nights that we stayed up late talking, laughing, telling each other our deepest secrets, we didn't need anyone else. She was my first real friend that I could relate to. I promised her that when she graduated I would put on a prom at the hospital, since it was always her dream to go to a school dance. The movie marathons we would do after I had surgeries, and the endless bags of skittles we would go through during our late night talks. The box sitting in my room of my present I was going to give her before she went into a coma.

And now she's gone.

***

I finally manage to haul myself back down to waiting room, only to find that her family has left. It might be that that pushes my over the edge or maybe the fact that I just freaking lost my best friend!

That thought alone sends me sobbing again, collapsing into one of the chairs.

I cry until I feel like I have no tears left and my throat is raw from the sobs.

"Asher." Someone says, a light hand resting on my shaking shoulder. "Asher, what's wrong."

I sit up, my eyes meeting Ronnie's icey blue ones. 

"Nothing." I reply quickly, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "What's up?"

"She's awake." He says, offering me his hand. "She was asking about you."

I try to smile, but there's nothing in the world right now that could put a smile on my face.

I follow him , even though my mind is so many other places.

"How ya feeling?" Harlow asks, her hands fidgeting with my matted hair. I had just gotten out of surgery, and she told me that she was going to be my nurse. I then proceeded to tell her that there were actual nurses. She wouldn't hear of it.

"Eh." I groan, leaning back into her hand. "I mean, not great but I'll be fine."

She nods, sliding off the bed, and scooping up her notebook, scribbling fiercely for a few pages before she looks back up at me.

"Hey Asher." She smiles. "How are you feeling."

The smallest smile plays on my features, which it shouldn't, but I find it the slightest bit funny. She's amazing.

"I'm good."

"She's in pretty rough shape," Ronnie tells me as we stop outside of her room. "But I think seeing you will make her feel better."

I nod tightly as he opens the door.

She lays with her back facing us, a half open hospital gown draped over her frail body. 

I don't remember her being that skinny.

"Hey," I manage to say, my voice still tight. "How you doing?"

She sits up slightly, her arms shaking as she turns her head to look at me.

"Were you crying?"

I bite my lip, willing myself not to cry. I can't cry right now, I just can't.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Ronnie mumbles, shutting the door behind him.

"What happened?" She asks me, gesturing with her head for me to come sit next to her. 

I comply to her request, placing myself down next to her.

"What's wrong, Baby?"

That's when I let myself shatter, falling into her chest, sobbing.

"She's gone, Portland." I whisper, my voice choked. "Harlow's dead."

I hear her take a deep breath, running her fingers along my head. She doesn't say a thing, just lets me cry until my sobbing is reduced to a quiet sniffle 

"It'll be okay." She promises me. "I know it's hard right now, but it'll get easier. Trust me, when I lost Levi, I thought my life would never get better, I thought I would have this hole in my heart forever. But something happened, and it filled the hole he left."

"What?" I sniffle, wiping my cheek. 

"Meeting you. You saved my life Asher, and I promise, no matter how hard things are right now, I will be there with you every step of the way."