Enticing the Demon's Arousal [BL]

Chapter 16

Ehito

ELORDE'S POV

Breathing has never been so hard after what happened. My whole body shook from crying and not eating. I float like a sightless wanderer in the sea of clouds. It felt free but it felt heavy at the same time. 

It felt free to talk about the real me— something I concealed when I was with him. But at the same time, it felt burdening and sick when I closed my eyes every time I sleep.

"Ha..." I let out a heavy breath.

Napakagat ako ng labi dahil pilit kong pinagtatanggol ang sarili sa mapang-akusang puso ko. Ang isipan ko nasa tama pa naman pero ang puso ko sinisigaw ang pangalan ng lalaking 'yon.

"I want to see you, but I don't know what will happen if you see me again. Will you hurt me? O papatayin mo ako Acades? Mapapatawad mo pa kaya ako sa ginawa ko sa'yo?" Ang kausap ko sa sarili habang mugto ang mga matang nakatingin sa harapan ng salamin sa loob ng kwarto. 

Hawak-hawak ko sa aking mga daliri ang kwintas na binigay sa akin ni Acades. I traced the cold metal in my fingertips. It felt odd, it felt heavy, like how heavy my heart feels right now. 

Closing my eyes, a lone tear was careless to drop running down my pale cheek. Umiling ako at binuka ang mga mata. Marahas kong pinunasan ang luhang kumawala sa aking mata. 

Matalas kong tiningnan ang sarili, "Ang tanga mo para isipin na mahal niya pa rin tayo pagkatapos ng ginawa mo. Ang tanga natin Elorde! Why are you even thinking of leaving the organization just so you could be with the man? Nabigyan ka lang ng atensiyon ay para ka ng asong nakikilimos ng tira-tira!" Fix yourself up, Elorde Sol! 

Masakit sabihin ang mga salitang ito sa sarili ko pero kailangan kong gumising sa reyalidad. Mahina kong sinampal ang sarili para magkakulay naman ang pisngi, sakto lang ng kumatok ang pintuan ng kwarto na tinutuluyan ko. 

"Hinahanap ka na sa baba," The voice of the head butler in the manor called me out. The mere presence of the old butler reminded me that I was back in this hellish place. God knows how much I dreaded this place! 

I bit my lips and stood up. Inayos ko ang suot ko at huminga ng malalim, "No man can take me down. Not his memory, not his face, not his affection, no, nothing at all!"

Pinasadahan ko ng kamay ang mukha ko at kinagat ang namumutlang labi. I can't be a stupid person in front of my Papa or else he will lash out on me. Napapikit ako habang iniisip kung gaano kabigat ang kamay ng Papa kapag nagkakamali ako noon. 

My father, Rocco, taught me how cruel love is. That it will hurt. He showed me mercy when he saw me as a child, but he never showed me affection. He is a cruel man and his past shaped him the way he is today. Malupit ang Papa sa mga mahihina, lalong-lalo na sa pag-ibig dahil para sa kaniya, kahinaan ang magmahal. 

But I beg to differ. Kung noon ay hindi ako naniwala sa pag-ibig, ngayon naniniwala na ako. I found love from Acades. That man showed me the real definition of love and it's not selfish. It's giving. It's everything you could have for, especially when you grew up hungry from affection. Acades became a beacon of hope for me. He was the one who made me remembered the real me before I become who I am today. That I am a loving person before. That I genuinely cared before. That I still have a shot to love. 

I believe love is feeling pain. If not, then what else? Pain will always be there. You just have to recognize it. 

Walking down the staircase, I used the handrail, my right hand tracing the wooden rail, while my eyes dropped to the people watching my movement. Habang pababa ay nakikita ko ang aking ama. Rocco is seated in a sofa, hands are clasped together, the clean white clothing he usually wear demands power, while his lifeless eyes remained on nothing in particular.