I Never Left You

29. Am scared

"Surprise!!!" I say when I hear the door crack open and Ray emerges.  Ray looks like he's seen a  ghost.
"When did you get here?" He asks me.
"A few minutes back", I say stacking a copy of Me Before You into one of the shelves. "I thought you would be busy today so Leah helped me move. Actually we shifted out together "
"Wow your finally here," he pulls me into a long hug "but still you would have called me, I would have dropped everything and helped you. Why don't you actually sit down with me and I tell you where I have been."
I try to protest claiming I still have so much to do. Ray won't take no for an excuse so he releases his hands from my waist and carries me bridal style up-to the couch. He knows am ticklish and will give in to everything when he tickles me. Gladly I read his mind and body movements very fast and tell him I will agree to what ever he wishes. He gives me a wicked grin and says I need to close my eyes first.
When I do so, I feel his breathing come closer to mine and in no second his moist lips are on mine, his kiss is tender and soft but then he stops all of a sudden. I open my eyes wondering what has gone wrong, he's lying next to me on the couch his eyes searching mine.
"What's wrong?", I ask him
"I don't know, I didn't want to kiss you without your consent"
I shift on top of him and inch closer to his face, this time initiating the kiss, I had longed for this moment more than he can imagine. His tongue searches mine, his lips are firm yet soft, pressing on mine with the perfect amount of pressure . His lips continue moving again mine so perfectly. I feel his hands rest against my my waist electricity shooting through my whole body as I melt against his lips soaking in his intoxicating scent. When we break from the kiss, we're both panting heavily.
"I love you so much Ra" Ray says to me caressing my cheek.
"I have never stopped loving you Ray", I say to him meaning every word. My world almost crumbled without him. My cheeks won't stop turning red. This all feels like a dream. "Meanwhile before we got on the couch you were going to tell me something" I remind him. "Yaaaa but before we get to that why don't I first order take out for us, am sure you must be hungry from calling stuff and shifting" he says twirling a lose strand of my hair.
"Am always hungry, that's why I already fixed dinner for us, I did some spaghetti and stew, unless your not into my cooking, we can fix something else"  am still lying next to him my chest on his chest as he plays with my hair.
"No way, that won't be necessary cause it's been long since I tasted your cooking.i love the magic you do with your hands on food."  he compliments.
Ray tells me about his meeting with my dad and we suggest that since we're all living here, it would be best having Christa over for the weekends then weekdays she can be with my mum. It's a brilliant idea and we won't be able to shock Christa with the sudden change of environment. She's used to staying with her granny so it would not be fair to abruptly take her away.
"Ra which room will you be occupying?" Ray asks me after a long silence.
I look at him puzzled, "what do you mean Ray?" I inquire.
"I mean I don't expect you to be sharing a room with me and the apartment has two bedrooms, so please feel free to choose one." he explains.
"OK I will give you my answer but first let's eat, my enzymes are complaining already." I complain too. We start eating and Ray can't stop smiling while eating his food. Am sure it's cause am finally here, my stomach is in knots too and am equally happy to be with him. "I think you should eat first before you smile or else food will choke you". I tease him.
"It's hard containing my happiness seeing you here" he says and my cheeks go red, I can't help but blush, am glad after all the sadness I have been through the past few weeks am able to genuinely smile. One of the reasons for my happiness being in front of me.
After our dinner, Ray offers to wash the dishes which am glad cause me and cleaning dishes don't get along. Leah has always been doing that.  Speaking of Leah I send her a text asking how she's doing and explain to her that me am living in a fairytale straight from Hollywood.
When he's done Ray joins me on the couch hoping to spend some time with me before I go to the other room. He resumes his former position on the couch and I rest in between his legs. It's so comfortable.
"Ray" I call out to him since my back is lying on his chest.
"Hmmmm"
"I guess I will be needing your help shifting my stuff to the other room since you made it clear we won't be sharing a room" I say sensing the uneasiness in him. Am not facing him but his heart beat has betrayed him, I can feel that he's regretting uttering that statement. 
" Actually am very tired at the moment, why don't we shift your stuff tomorrow. He comes up with all the excuses. My lips curl up in a smile. " Besides I have remembered that I had sprayed that room a few days ago, so it won't be safe for you to sleep in." he continues the lies.
"Alright ,then that means I have no choice but to spend the night in your room" I ask innocently
"Sadly yes" Rays says.
"OK I will request something small, " I also play the game. "Am too tired to even get up from here, I can't even stand up. Maybe I will just sleep here."
"Worry not! I will carry you to bed" he doesn't give me a chance to refuse, before I know it am already in his arms. He gently places me on the bed and covers me. His bed is full of his scent, as his about to leave I grab his hand and remind him that he didn't give me a good night kiss. He plants a gentle kiss on my lips then whispers sweet dreams in my ear. I beg him not to leave and he doesn't wait to be asked twice. He kicks off his shoes and joins in. My eyelids are already heavy with sleep so I lean in closer to him. He wraps his arms around my waist and we cuddle off to a beautiful dream.
When I wake up the next day, Ray is not lying next to me, in his place there's a stick note saying "be back soon". i get up feeling really great, have had the most peaceful sleep tonight. I open one of my suitcases and search for my toilet bag and go clean up. I try to find the hairdryer but in vain so I wrap my towel around my head and pick one of Ray's long shirts and put it on. Over course I have undies beneath the shirt.
I start to unpack and put my stuff in our wardrobe. It's cute shifting his shirts and trousers to one side. The whole incident reminds me of Tessa young and Harry Styles in After. On finishing the arrangements and settling in, my hazelnut hair is no longer dripping but still wet so I let it down and move on to the living room to organize the books and set up our study area.
"Good morning beautiful!", Ray startles me, I didn't expect him to be here already. He's opening the shelves looking for something. The frying pan is already on fire so he must be making breakfast.
"Good morning handsome," I greet him and go hug him. I love being in his arms, he has the most comfortable chest I know.
"Did u sleep well koala?"
"I did" I reply blushing, "but am no koala."
"Well I was hoping to surprise you with breakfast in bed but since ur already awake why not sit down and I serve you. " he pulls me from his embrace, gently lifts me up on the counter.
"Well I would love sitting here but as you can see I still have lots of boxes to unpack, so why don't I be clearing a few things away as you make that yummy breakfast." I reason.
That sounds more reasonable but I will be missing you. He kisses me one briefly and goes back to cooking. On the couch my phone is vibrating non stop. Leah won't stop calling.
"Hi bestie, how was your first night" I tease her. "My first night is still going on well. How about you. Did you eat very well last night !" my perverted friend continues to harass me with her questions. We chat briefly and promise to visit her very soon. We already miss each other.
I stack my novels next to Rays comics in the almost empty shelf. "Why are your shelves empty Ray, don't you have any reading culture in you?" I ask him.
"Thats cause I knew you would carry your whole library here. Hihihihi, I only read what needs to be read." he comes carrying two plates. So I go and bring the coffee mugs. We sit on the couch we ate from yesterday. This time we sit keeping a distance between us.
"My shirt BTW looks good on you" he says in between his chews.
Thanks for the compliment, hope you don't mind " I respond
"Not at all, I was thinking of putting on one of your skirts and I see how I will look like."
Am almost choked with my coffee on hearing his statement. Ray is really hilarious.
"Can I ask you something Ra? " he gazed at me.
"Sure, anything!" I give him a puzzled look
"Are you happy with me? I mean with us dating and living together?"  his gentle yes are searching mine.
"I am, honestly I am happy with you. It's just that......."
"You can talk to me you know"
Am scared of messing up, what if we don't last, what if we don't raise our daughter properly, am scared of the uncertain." I respond not sure if am making sense.
"Your the most optimistic person I know Ra, we're all new at this so let's focus on making the best out of this" he pauses to sip on his coffee. I simply nodded at him as I warm my hands around my mug. "Okay let me quote your other favorite artist *I don't know if this is wrong, because someone else is telling me that it's wrong. But I feel this so let me just like try my best not to let this happen again. We weren't necessarily put in the best position to make the best decisions
You can't be hard on yourself for it, these are the cards you were given so you have to understand that's not who you are. You know you're trying to be the best you can be, but that's all you can do. If you don't give it all you got, you're only cheating yourself give it all you got but if it ends up happening, it ends up happening*" he smiles at me.
"Purpose, right " I reply
"Exactly let's give each other purpose."
"Alright , I won't be the best partner but am going to give you my best, just promise you won't give up on me" I say grabbing his one hand." I promise" he tightens my grip.