Marvel x Reader Oneshots

God Must Hate Me

A/N sorry for the inactivity! Also this is inspired by the song "God Must Hate Me" by Catie Turner (which is a masterpiece btw) so everything in cursive is her song and I do NOT own it, so yeah, here you go

TW: deals with selfloathing, sadness, anxiety, panick attack (the way I experienced them)

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Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me"
'Cause he spent so much time on them and for me, he got lazy

Standing on the rooftop of the Avengers Tower, you looked out into the city. A beautiful, beautiful city. With so many lifes, so many people, beautiful people, out there. You didn't exactly know why you were standing on the rooftop, but the air inside felt way to hot and way to sticky and you just had to get out. Out and away. Everything was fine a minute ago, but then - well you didn't know what happened. You suddenly became over-aware of your body, of your flaws, of your life, of everything.

Got ample mental illness personality flaws
While their only flaw seems to be is that they have none at all

All of your imperfections stood out to you suddenly, but why? Why were you questioning everything right now? Thinking of your friends, your family, normally made you feel better, because you loved them and they loved you but right now.. You could only see your flaws and their perfections. Your problems and their success. Your life and their life - which is both, so alike and yet so different.

Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me"

Pictures of your life flashed before your inner eye, the city turning blurry suddenly.

I'll let them take accountability
For everything that's wrong with me
Can't hold myself responsible
So I blame the metaphysical

You thought about how your baby hairs wouldn't ever stay in place, about how your tummy looked weird in mom-jeans, about how awful you behave when you're hungry or pissed..

If Jesus died for all our sins
He left one behind the body I'm in

..about how you make mistake after mistake and never get punished for it. Was this your punishment? Feeling like you couldn't breath, like the world was about to crumble and your lungs about to burst?

Same hands that made the moon and the starsGot carpal tunnel and forgot some partsI don't know what I believe
But it's easier to think
He made a mistake with me

Maybe it wasn't your fault that you felt this way. That you didn't like yourself. Maybe it wasn't about your flaws or imperfections. Maybe this was about the perfection of others. How would you ever live up to that? How could you ever compare?

Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, they got lucky"
The craftsmanship of their bones, their brain, and their body

You sunk deeper and deeper into your thoughts, not realizing that you were standing on the edge now. You weren't feeling like you were yourself, you could feel yourself leaving your body. You were a mere shadow hovering over your body now - seeing how broken you were and how miserable you looked.

Not only your looks - your to big nose and pointy ears, your weird feet and old-man-hands - your personality sucked, you suddenly realized. How could anyone ever really like you? With the way you behaved all the time, the way you spoke to and with others, the way you treated others, treated your friends..

When I look into the mirror for too long it hurts
They don't track how many steps it takes to burn off dessert

Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, they got lucky"I'll let 'em take accountability
For everything that's wrong with me
Can't hold myself responsible
So I'll blame the metaphysical

You didn't even realize that someone else entered the rooftop. Only when they grabbed your arms and pulled you from the edge did you acknoledge their presence at all. You still didn't feel like yourself, still didn't feel right, still struggled to breath. The only things in your head were those words and you knew you had to get them out..

"If Jesus died for all our sins
He left one behind the body I'm in" - Your voice didn't even sound like you. That may be because it was really, really hoarse, but something felt strange.

"What are you talking about Y/N, you're scaring me, please.." You heard their voice crack, their hands still got a hold of your upper arms.

Same hands that made the moon and the stars
Got carpal tunnel and forgot some parts

"I don't know what I believe
But it's easier to think
He made a mistake with me" - You heard yourself say, having lost total control over your own actions.

"Love, please. What is going on?" - Were they crying?

"Do you ever see someone and think "Wow, God must hate me"
'Cause he spent so much time on them and for me, he got lazy"

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- 888 Words

A/N okay so this is wayyyy more different to what I'm used to write/ upload, but I am obsessed with this song and I wanted to try something new, so let me know what you think pls!