Marvel x Reader Oneshots

Loki x Reader: You naive little girl

A/N this deals with serious selfloathing, a lot of insecurities, toxic situations/ relationships, selfharm in different ways and a lot of angst, so beware

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The girl that was looking at you seemed different and strange and not familiar at all, but as you were lifting your hand, so did she. And when you tilted your head to the side, so did she as well. So you were standing infront of a mirror. The girl looking right back at you, the girl with the dead eyes and sucked in cheeks, she was you. You were her. Your mind - for once - didn't play any tricks on you.

Standing there, in that small and cold bathroom, staring at yourself, you felt numb. Completely and utterly numb. Which was a welcome feeling, since it was much easier to bare than the ever so overwhelming sadness or the great anger you were feeling way to often recently. Still, the numbness scared you. In fact it scared you so much that just for one split second you thought of seeking feeling something else. Something else entirely.

A half a minute later and you don't exactly know how the blade got into your hand. You don't recall opening the drawer and picking it up, or holding it to your wrist, for that matter. You weren't going to hurt yourself, you couldn't do that. You wouldn't... would you?

Maybe it could be some kind of way to stop this numbness, to compress all of the unwanted feelings into something that you could see, something that you could fix.

But you couldn't do that. This was the one step that would be taking it to far. No, you couldn't hurt yourself. What would the others think? Would they drag you away? Lock you up? Would they be mad at you? Angry that instead of talking about it- but that was exactly the reason you were standing here. Talking. Always so much talking and never doing. Talking wasn't going to fix your weight, it wasn't going to fix your crooked teeth, your awful personality. It wasn't going to fix how you saw the world and how the world saw you, it wasn't going to fix anything.

So yes, you were standing in the bathroom, infront of the mirror staring at yourself. You-

"Y/N?" - The voice calling your name from behind you startled you so much that you winced, hard, and your hand slipped. Your hand actually fucking slipped, causing you to cut open your wrist. Your eyes widened in shock and you turned around, seeing that it was Loki that called your name. Loki with a confused expression covering his features, with eyes that widened the more he realized what just happened.

"I didn't mean to." Your voice was barely a whisper. You hadn't yet realized what you just did.

"You naive little girl, what did you do?!" Loki's voice was angry and upset, upset with you. He came barging over to you, but you couldn't move. You were frozen to the spot, the only thing you were able to do was letting go of that stupid piece of metal in your hand. The whole world was messed up - you saw Loki stomping over to you in slowmotion, you actually heard the blade hit the ground and felt like your chest was about to explode because of your beating heart. All at once everything turned back to normal speed and you realized that Loki was speaking to you.

"What in hel were you thinking? Y/N?! God, why would you do that?"

You hadn't even realized how deeply you cut yourself until you saw all the blood on the bathroom floor. You couldn't help but gasp at the sight of it.

"I-I-I wasn't going to do it, I-I swear- I didn't mean to, Lu" You were shaking now, barely noticing that Loki wrapped both of his hands around your bleeding wrist. You could feel some kind of warmth spreading through your arm, starting at the point where your and Loki's skin touched.

"Why would you do this to yourself, Y/N?" Loki's voice wasn't as angry anymore, he sounded rather hurt.. You hadn't looked him in the eyes yet. Not once during this entire fiasco.

"I didn't mean to," you mumbled. You were feeling ashamed and hurt and a whole bunch of other things, but the numbness was gone, you realized.

Loki let go of your now healed wrist and went to wash his hands. You still stood on the same stop, not moving an inch - with your arm slightly raised and your head held low, eyes on the blood-stained carpet.

When Loki was done washing your blood off of his hands, he bend down to grab the blade. "Why-" He stopped himself, not knowing how to ask about what he couldn't understand but needed to know.

"Look at me."

You didn't move.

"I said look at me." Loki's voice turned more into a command.

You dared to lift your head. You didn't want to make him even more mad, considering this whole mess was your fault. When your eyes met his, the whole world stopped again. You could see the mess of emotions your boyfriend felt. And he felt them for you. All the pain and hurting, the confusion and even some betrayal. All of that and so much for - for you.

"I'm sorry," You whispered, but you meant it. You were so damn sorry.

"I'm sorry for feeling the way I do, I'm sorry for hurting the way I do and I'm so god damn sorry that I made you feel this way"

"Why would you do this to yourself?" Loki's features softened and you broke even more seeing his eyes so, so sad.

"I told you I didn't mean to." You broke eye contact with him again.

"My love, .. please" Practically dripping with emotion you locked your eyes with him again.

Loki took a step towards you, and while he did that you noticed that all the blood was gone, your bathroom looked brand new even. Lifting a hand, Loki grabbed your chin with a touch that couldn't be gentler.

"I want-" Loki stopped himself again. "I want you to know, that I am here for you. I don't understand why you would do something this stupid or why-" Loki stopped himself before he would say something he would regret.

"I love you, and I am always- always here for you."

"I know," You choked and couldn't help yourself. You closed the distance and buried your head in his chest, your arms wrapping around his torso.