Marvel x Reader Oneshots

Bucky x Reader: Pistol

trigger warning: this deals with self doubt, self loathing, suicidal thoughts, a panic attack and deep talk. If you consider yourself a sensible reader/ person, you might want to skip this.

You were in HYDRA in this

((Also this is somewhat inspired by a oneshot by fan-of-the-fandoms))

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1.34 am - the roof of the Avenger's Tower, your usual stop at that time a day. Plagued by nightmares, this place seemed the most comforting. Fresh air, open space, a beautiful city to watch.

No one in the team knew about your nonconsitend sleeping pattern. They didn't need to know. The were aware that you still struggled with your past actions, but they had no bussiness to snoop around. You knew they were there for you and didn't judge you in the slightest, that alone was enough. You weren't going to be even more of a burden to them

-

"You're up early," Steve commented as he was entering the kitchen. "I actually wanted to join you, Sam and Buck on the run, but I got up to late for that" You joked. You haven't slept at all last night, but that wasn't something you would discuss over eggs and bacon.

"You ok? You look tired." Steve grabbed a piece of bacon from your untouched plate.

"Yeah, just exhausted from my own workout" You lied. You hadn't eaten anything in two days. You knew you should eat, but you just weren't hungry.

"Actually, I'm gonna take a shower, you can finish this if you want" You said, pushing the plate infront of Steve on your way out the room.

You heard Steve thank you as you turned the hall to the elevator. You felt tired and weak and you were sick of your self pitying, sick of yourself, but you didn't know how to escape this hell hole of a spiral you were in. Everytime you made progress to escape your horrible thoughts, you felt like you made two steps back towards that deep hole inside of you. You were scared you were gonna loose yourself to it, but you had your precautions if that would happen.

As you left the elevator you almost ran into somebody. "Sorry" You smiled, about to continue your way to your room.

"Are you okay?" Bucky, the someone you almost knocked over, called after you. You and him were close - to close for him not to notice something was off, so without giving him another glance you brushed him off and continued to your room. Hiding your feelings was hard in a household like this, but it was nothing compared to hiding your feelings from him. The one person on this planet who didn't make you loathe yourself even more, the one person you were actually close to and didn't even mind.

In hopes a cold shower would shut off your brain, you quickly undressed yourself and stepped into the cold bathroom. The cold tiles and shower water reminded you of your cell in HYDRA - cold, wet and dirty - which caused other unwanted memorries to come to the surface so you quickly changed the temperature to the highest setting. The water was burning your skin, but at the same time it felt like it was burning away a part of HYDRA too, so you stayed extra long under the showerhead. Before it would get to much to handle, you quickly washed your body and hair and stepped out of the shower. The whole room was steamy and you were feeling lightheaded so you opened a window before using a towel to clean the foggy mirror. You barely recognized yourself. Deep purple bags under your eyes, your arms and legs too skinny for your liking, your cheekbones were very visible. Not being able to stand the look of you, you turned around and entered your room.

"God, Bucky. You scared the crap out of me" A little startled by the brown haired man on your bed, you wobbled over to your wardrobe. You still felt lightheaded as you put on some clothes. The fact that Bucky was in the same room as you didn't stop you from dressing yourself - it was nothing he hadn't seen before.